Looks like a fairytale, doesn’t it? It was…and then some, as we celebrated our ten-year-wedding-anniversary with a surprise renewal (from my hubby, Kirk) in Belize. (Yes, he even chose the dress.) But, Love doesn’t always look the way we “think” it should. And before I woke up to the truth, I lived in…LIMBO.
So, this is the guy I am going to marry? I thought, on our first date. Yes, I inherently knew from the moment he said, “Check out those legs,” streaming (oh so delicately) down his glass of red wine. “Legs?” I replied. I had never heard it called that term before, and I was intrigued to be with this man who met my models for romance, and how I thought a real woman “should” be treated.
But….But…BUT…He is NOT my type.
I go for the skinny-surfer-liberals. You know, the barely working dudes, who watch the sun go down, paint, and write poetry. NOT a 6’2, football-watching, meat-eating, hard working…conservative! Oh No!
And our differences were apparent from the get-go. “You are a VIRGO?” I said with an attitude. He quickly replied, “If you believe in that crap, we are in trouble.” Being the Aquarian that I am, I enjoyed his downright honesty, and let go of the unlikely match. On our second date we fought about gun control; and within months, I wanted to change his Maui Jim sunglasses and Coal Haan loafers (with tassels).
I was “RIGHT” and he was…”WRONG.” AND he felt the same about me. AND thus, we entered the rope pulling contest; attaching ourselves to the right/wrong mindset.
We are just too different, and I am NOT (off the charts) attracted; And yet… I see him as the man for me, continually said my indecisive mind. I was one foot in and one foot out of our marriage and unwilling to be guided by my soul’s voice. Why? Because of my fear of failure. Fear is a liar, and I blocked myself from the truth.
“There is ONLY ONE truth…Love.” -Cinnamon Lofton
Back and forth I went and suffered because I was not willing to “meet” him “there.” I was not willing to do the courageous inner work to see that I was…judging him. That I was NOT honoring our differences.
And then, I let go of my resistance…
The poet Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field; I’ll meet you there.” Once I was willing to NOT leave our marriage serving Fear and gave myself permission to “Leave in Love,” I began to see more clearly. Every time I judged him, I looked at where I was judging myself. If I am loving myself, I am incapable of judging. And guess what? I learned that I was pretty darn hard on Kathleen and needed to give myself a break. I began to observe my personality from my soul’s perspective.
“The appearance of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.” -Kahlil Gibran
The more I claimed my “magic” and “beauty,” the more I accepted Kirk’s. We started to truly serve each other for the FIRST time, as we gravitated to that field of Oneness. Because we now knew the experience of loving and allowing ourselves to be loved.
I have also watched other couples leave WITHOUT judgement or blame once they (or one person) began aligning to the truth of living for Love. Once they began creating a bridge of forgiveness and compassion, they knew…it was timely to change the form of their relationship.
It is uncommon, and possible, to LOVE either way.
And, “You Betta Belize It”… we stayed!
Have you perfected the rope pulling contest and made your home in “Limbo?” Now is the time to do it differently. Now, is all we have.
With all my heart,