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Stay In Love Or Leave In Love…Leave LIMBO Behind!

IMG_0681[1]Looks like a fairytale, doesn’t it? It was…and then some, as we celebrated our ten-year-wedding-anniversary with a surprise renewal (from my hubby, Kirk) in Belize. (Yes, he even chose the dress.) But, Love doesn’t always look the way we “think” it should. And before I woke up to the truth, I lived in…LIMBO.

So, this is the guy I am going to marry? I thought, on our first date. Yes, I inherently knew from the moment he said, “Check out those legs,” streaming (oh so delicately) down his glass of red wine. “Legs?” I replied. I had never heard it called that term before, and I was intrigued to be with this man who met my models for romance, and how I thought a real woman “should” be treated.

But….But…BUT…He is NOT my type.

I go for the skinny-surfer-liberals. You know, the barely working dudes, who watch the sun go down, paint, and write poetry. NOT a 6’2, football-watching, meat-eating, hard working…conservative! Oh No!

Oh yes!

And our differences were apparent from the get-go. “You are a VIRGO?” I said with an attitude. He quickly replied, “If you believe in that crap, we are in trouble.” Being the Aquarian that I am, I enjoyed his downright honesty, and let go of the unlikely match. On our second date we fought about gun control; and within months, I wanted to change his Maui Jim sunglasses and Coal Haan loafers (with tassels).

I was “RIGHT” and he was…”WRONG.” AND he felt the same about me. AND thus, we entered the rope pulling contest; attaching ourselves to the right/wrong mindset.

We are just too different, and I am NOT (off the charts) attracted; And yet… I see him as the man for me, continually said my indecisive mind. I was one foot in and one foot out of our marriage and unwilling to be guided by my soul’s voice. Why? Because of my fear of failure. Fear is a liar, and I blocked myself from the truth.

“There is ONLY ONE truth…Love.” -Cinnamon Lofton

Back and forth I went and suffered because I was not willing to “meet” him “there.” I was not willing to do the courageous inner work to see that I was…judging him. That I was NOT honoring our differences.

And then, I let go of my resistance…

The poet Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field; I’ll meet you there.” Once I was willing to NOT leave our marriage serving Fear and gave myself permission to “Leave in Love,” I began to see more clearly. Every time I judged him, I looked at where I was judging myself. If I am loving myself, I am incapable of judging. And guess what? I learned that I was pretty darn hard on Kathleen and needed to give myself a break. I began to observe my personality from my soul’s perspective.

“The appearance of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.” -Kahlil Gibran

The more I claimed my “magic” and “beauty,” the more I accepted Kirk’s. We started to truly serve each other for the FIRST time, as we gravitated to that field of Oneness. Because we now knew the experience of loving and allowing ourselves to be loved.

I have also watched other couples leave WITHOUT judgement or blame once they (or one person) began aligning to the truth of living for Love. Once they began creating a bridge of forgiveness and compassion, they knew…it was timely to change the form of their relationship.

It is uncommon, and possible, to LOVE either way.

And, “You Betta Belize It”… we stayed!

Have you perfected the rope pulling contest and made your home in “Limbo?” Now is the time to do it differently. Now, is all we have.

With all my heart,

Kathleen

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Kathleen Chelquist is an inspirational blogger. Engage with Kathleen on her blog, her Facebook and follow her on Twitter.

  • Carie Bean

    Beautiful! Absolutely fantastic! Leave limbo behind. Its so crazy because in Mastin’s blog the question was “do your relationships support your power” I replied that sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. So it seems I’m living somewhere in the middle! IN LIMBO to be precise. A HA! Thanks Kathleen. I’m so happy for you sweet lady! Many many sparkles of love are surrounding your voice. I hear the truth in these words! Lots of love, Carie

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks Carie for sprinkling some of your amazing fairy dust on my entry today. I smile because of YOU! XO

      • Karen

        Boom! Bam!! Kathleen, Carie – you two create synergistic sparks within my brain each time I read one of your entries and when you are communicating ‘ensemble’, it’s Bam Pow! Kathleen, between the eyeballs, kiddo, between the eyeballs… (as I drop my head in shame)… I’m left wing, my ex, right wing and oh yes, how I judged ~ always right, of course. Humbling, reading your blog… and I, to, am have ah A HA experience. I thank you, beautiful lady… and Carie, your spirit nourishes mine. <3 to you both. Namaste

        • Kathleen Chelquist

          Thanks Karen…just remember, there is no need for “Shame.” You are EXACTLY here with us, in the moment, of the HERE, NOW. The only moment there is. “Shame” will keep you stuck in the illusion. Remember…you are a “spirit having a human experience.” Align yourself with THAT…and you will FLY!!!! Much Love To You, Kathleen

        • Carie Bean

          Karen.Big smiles. Lots of love and gratitude beautiful soul!

  • Jess Herring

    love this !! love you and thank you for all of your unconditional love and support !! I am truly blessed to call you my best friend XO

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Love you sister.

  • Sweta Chawla

    I love the part below, its so true. I’ve just learned about owning your part in a every circumstance (an I have had to do a lot and still am doing a lot) but to know that everything we bring to our life is a reflection of ourselves is scary at first but so empowering when you start to use it!

    Every time I judged him, I looked at where I was judging myself. If I am loving myself, I am incapable of judging. And guess what? I learned that I was pretty darn hard on Kathleen and needed to give myself a break. I began to observe my personality from my soul’s perspective.

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      It worked, Sweta! And, the miracles continue. Thanks for commenting and congratulations on creating awareness. I am so happy for you! Much love, Kathleen

  • joy hopkins

    This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you for the message and the timing. You are always inspirational in your pursuit of LOVE. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love, Joy

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      THANK YOU! XO Kathleen

  • Jamie

    This is beautiful, Kathleen. I especially love where you said “I began to observe my personality from my soul’s perspective.” THIS is where we find truth. Thank you for the reminder today. <3

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Thanks Jamie. There is an amazing book called, “The Untethered Soul,” by Michael Singer. It is about observing our human self from our soul’s spirit that you may enjoy! Big Love, Kathleen

      • Jamie

        Ah, yes! Excellent book. I actually own it and it currently resides in a place of honor on my living room book shelf. :) Good stuff.

  • Yesenia Phethmany

    AWESOME!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO! I just want put it out there! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE..Kathleen’s Blogs and this is one of my very best..choosing love to show up to love to our husbands is not easy..mirror mirror FANTASTIC, We are just too different, and I am NOT (off the charts) attracted; And yet… I see him as the man for me, continually said my indecisive mind. I was one foot in and one foot out of our marriage and unwilling to be guided by my soul’s voice. Why? Because of my fear of failure. Fear is a liar, and I blocked myself from the truth…Truth is LOVE is better than staying in FEAR. LOVE YOU! Hope to see more of you, here where you belong at THE DAILY LOVE!
    Your Mirror, mirror..YESI. XO!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      You are the bestest, YESI! Such a huge support for me, in continuing to choose… Love. The ONLY truth. THANK YOU! Forever and even then, Kathleen

  • Tanja Erickson

    YES!!!! I LOOOOOOVE READING YOUR BLOGS! Just Beautfiul!!!!!! I, too, lived in limbo in my marriage for nearly two years and I absolutely tortured myself choosing to do so! Until I was finally willing to honor myself and my husband and let go! We are no longer married and loving each other more now! I am so happy for you, Kathleen, that you have chosen to stay in love and not leave in fear! So well written! Thank you!!! And Big LOVE to you and Kirk!

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Awesome honesty, sister! AND, YOU DID IT! This I know is true. I was there when you were torturing yourself, and I am now seeing you in the amazing grace of the Uni-verse. You honored the differences and accepted the different form of your relationship by serving LOVE. Thanks for always being by my side! Forever and even then, Me

  • Donna

    Where in Belize did you stay? I just returned from a 3 week trip to Ambergris Caye/San Pedro (2 wks) and Caye Caulker (1 wk) – fell in Love with Caye Caulker and I’m now lining up my ducks so I can move there:-)

    • Kathleen Chelquist

      Hi Donna…we stayed at Matachica Resort in Ambergris Caye. We will definitely will be back and Caye Caulker is calling my name. Moving there? That is sooooo AWESOME.

  • Paula

    Great Read! Learning to love from chakras 4-7 takes awareness and desire. Love is a dance and it takes two who create that beautiful dance. Thanks for writing and sharing your journey.