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Tell on yourself & you’re off the hook!

To listen to the audio version of this blog, click here.

I’ve had a lot of amazing teachers in my life who have played a BIG role in why I became who I became. Without these amazing people there is NO WAY I would be doing what I am doing today.

One of these amazing people is my therapist, Trinka Terra. Trinka was the second therapist I ever had and she played a pivotal role in my spiritual development. She gave me all kinds of amazing advice, but perhaps the most important and more impactful advice she ever gave me was, “Tell on yourself and you’re off the hook.”

What’s that mean? It means that when you out yourself for who you are, for your mistakes, for your failures, for your feelings, for who you REALLY are – no one can have any power over you. The whole concept of blackmail only works if the person being blackmailed doesn’t want the truth coming out. And for me, I used to blackmail myself ALL the time because I was afraid of the truth coming out.

Why? Because I didn’t love myself and I had NO clue at the time that sometimes the world and those I LOVE could Love me, even when I didn’t. I didn’t want my truth out because it was scary and it was something I didn’t want to look at.

But, after working with Trinka I came to understand that it was through the EXPRESSION and ADMISSION of my truth that I was set free. The truth will set you free and TELLING your truth will set you free.

Now, this isn’t a hall pass to justify being a jerk. We MUST take responsibility for our actions and how we show up. We can’t just irresponsibly emotionally dump and justify our feelings by saying it’s “our truth”. And at the same time, it is THROUGH the admission of our pain, our fears, our insecurities that we begin to be set free.

This, in fact, is my whole experiment with The Daily Love. I have been “telling on myself” in almost every blog for years and it is what separates TDL from a lot of other blogs. We aren’t here trying to preach some form of spiritual perfection, we are here in full admission that we are all human AND divine and it is through accepting our humanity that we experience our divinity.

This way of looking at the world brings more empathy, connection and common ground into our lives and I believe it’s something EVERYONE wants in their lives. And anyone who calls it “cheesy” it just afraid of their own feelings. Usually cheesy things are things that are pretty awesome but whoever is calling them cheesy is judging it because they are scared of the emotion it evokes.

So, where in your life are you hiding a truth? Can you express it today and let yourself off the hook? Can you FREE YOURSELF from the pain of holding on to the truth and align with who you REALLY are by expressing it? In the section below leave a comment and let me know! I and the TDL Community are here to support you!

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=752917477 Robyn Stitt

    perfect timing!! I just ‘told a truth’ and felt bad about it. now I don’t, thanks.

  • Dianne D

    Isn’t it amazing how much we truly connect with each other, when we’re being truthful with ourselves and others? I mean, when we honestly express how we feel, under all the layers we sometimes hold over ourselves.  Such a nice thought to end the day with: We’re all so beautifully different, yet all share this human, spiritual quality. Cheers Mastin 

  • Ockooi

    Last night I was in bed with a man, almost twice my age, who was falling for me and I could see it. He had liked me for almost a year now. For the past week I had been giving him a try, trying to see if there was a connection there for the both of us. He’s a wonderful man and I’m attracted to him mentally not really physically. I stopped him in the middle of the physical and told him it didn’t feel right. I was feeling guilty, sad and uncomfortable.
    I want to let myself off the hook for having feelings of curiosity for him, for entertaining an idea I knew in my heart, I couldn’t fully commit to. I needed to be with him to explore a deeper sense of what being in a mature relationship was. I was testing myself through him, to see if my want for stability and a family and kids was so strong that I could overlook the physical. I am so sorry.

  • Michelle

    My truth is that I used to be a stripper and adult masseuse. And even though I stopped I still feel alot of shame and guilt about it, and I don’t connect with certain people in my life because I believe that they won’t have anything to do with me if they find out my truth. I was barely surviving as a single mother, and I’m nottrying to justify what I did I don’t know If I should even tell people.

    • Fran

      For what it’s worth (cause I don’t know you from a bar of soap), if you were my friend I wouldn’t care whether you were a stripper or an adult masseuse. I would take my hat off to you for taking care of yourself and your child(ren), no matter what it takes.

      Having been a stripper or an adult masseuse does not and never will make anyone a bad person in my book. x

      • Staci

        I agree with Fran.  The experiences and lessons learned are going to be what you need to handle something in your future. Embrace the experience and look forward, not back.

  • Jessica Morris

    Mastin, seriously you are AWESOME! Every day, when your email pops up. I think “How is he going to read my mind and make me more awesome today?” I posted something similiarly last night. We have the POWER TO CHOOSE. To tell the truth, do the right thing, have a sense of integrity, own our feelings and accept ourselves. For some reason we battle ourselves and choose everything (drugs, addictions, people, money, careers, etc.) over  OURSELVES! It’s so simple yet so challenging! Accepting the positive and negative about yourself really and truly does set you free or “off the hook.” You have the power to achieve your dreams. Hug the haters! The more you love your own choices–the less you need OTHERS to love your choices. Keep being awesome–you are an inspiration to all. My Monday Meditation Post: I CHOOSE! http://www.jamincle.blogspot.com Hope you have a cheesy day, because honestly, I LOVE cheese! :)

  • Giovanna

    Absolute serendipity that you posted this today. I have been struggling with expressing the truth to a guy I have been involved with. Its been one of those situations where it has been really casual for 7 months now and while we did at one point talk about exploring it further it’s not really happened. I really am crazy about him but have had the fear of seeming too needy if I express this and so have gone along with this casual Friends with benefits nature of our relationship when really all I want to do is be in a deep intimate relationship with him. I have been struggling with telling him how i feel and resolved to do it this week, I am so nervous about it but your blog is reinforcing that I just need to express my truth because it’s more honest to myself and to him. Gulp

  • Fran

    Dear Mastin,

    For the past decade or so I’ve been dealing with some health issues that have steadily gotten worse. It was only last year that the doctors figured out what the problem was. Though I’m getting treatment, the illness is still poorly understood, and prognoses and expectations are uncertain. 
    Most of my friends know that I’m ill in some way or another, but since I’ve gotten worse the last few years, I haven’t really been honest about the state of my health. I’ve tried to tell some, but they don’t seem to grasp it. At times my family, who are my greatest supporters, don’t seem to understand it either because it is a complex illness. As a result, I’ve been withdrawn from my friends and people in general because it takes so much energy to try and explain my illness, and a lot of the time I don’t even know why my body reacts to this illness the way it does. Many people thought it was all in my mind at first, but the lab results and scientific analyses prove differently.

    I’ve been thinking I should be more honest and open with my friends about this, use the energy I have to help them understand. Perhaps write in my blog about what I’m going through and try to explain it clearly. Then I read your blog today and I realised that’s where the Universe is steering me towards. It’s okay for me to not 100% understand my illness. Not even my doctors do. It’s okay for my friends to be confused about it. It’s okay for me to be confused about it. But it’s not okay for me to keep hiding it and lying about it any more. If I do this and people still don’t understand, then at least I’ve tried. But I’m sure that for those who don’t understand, there are plenty more out there who are willing to understand or might even be in the same boat.

    • a.

      Fran, this sounds like a lot of autoimmune illnesses as they are difficult to diagnose and unpredictable. Also, when people can’t look at you and tell something isn’t right, or that you might not be feeling well, it just doesn’t compute in their minds what you’re feeling. Maybe send them to a site that explains and has information to help them to better understand instead of trying to endlessly explain. Also, I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it all the time either. Love and light to you! 

  • Guest

    what is my truth?  is it that I think I made the mistake of choosing a grad program over law school?  i haven’t admitted it to anyone, but if I believe it as true, does that make it so?  Sometimes we think that we * should * have done something, yet we expect things to be just as they are, except for the one thing we wish we could change.  If I believe that everything happens for a reason- does that make my regret not true?  That everything is as it should be and the universe is unfolding exactly as it should?

    My other truth is that I left a dead-end admin job for my current position.  My current role is admin based, yet it is in a career I see myself in long term, and it has excellent benefits.  So how can I admit to my partner- who supported me all those months when I was an upaid intern- that I left an admin job, for another one?   Very recently I’ve realized that I have consistently sold myself short over the past decade, and the way in which I obtained my current position is a reflection of that.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I am afraid to admit this to him because I think he will be disappointed in me.  I think I am afraid to admit this because I will be seen as a failure, as someone who didn’t live up to her potential.  Ok, positives? this is temporary, and it do believe in my heart of hearts that I will get to the job I want.  But it still doesn’t take away the uneasy feelings of being disappointed in myself.  I can admit this truth to myself, and vow to value myself more, but I just can’t bring myself to admit it to my partner.  

    yup, i’m in the vortex. 

  • http://twitter.com/NanLuma Nan Luma

    Just what I needed – was going thru this on Sunday :) Love you, Mastin! 

    • http://www.facebook.com/mastinkipp Mastin Kipp

      yay Nan! was just thinking about you yesterday!

  • Sarah

    This comes into play in little moments throughout my life all the time…thank you for articulating what I was starting to see but unable to explain! I have plenty of things I keep to myself for fear of….what? Judgment? I have no idea! It’s so silly because we are all so imperfect and every imperfection of mine that I’ve exposed in the past has brought me closer to the people in my life, deepened my friendships, and built stronger trust with even acquaintances. And now that I looked at myself I never thought of myself as very secretive but I’m realizing that without even doing so, I’d begun to keep SO many of my thoughts and actions and beliefs from the people close to me. Time to be a little more open! So here’s one of my biggest truths that I’ve been hiding for a long time: I am crazy in love with ex-boyfriend. And he’s been popping back into my life. And I’m scared. And I’m not sure how he feels about me, but he doesn’t yet know that I am in LOVE with him. So there, truth exposed. That’s the kind of truth I couldn’t keep to myself for much longer. :)

  • http://butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

    My EGO often does not want to let me know that I am hiding something.  It can try to convince me otherwise.  In order for me to see my truth, I first need to see my innocence in who I really am and who WE ALL REALLY are which is 100% Love. Who we are being is often not who we really are.  So, when I sit back and be the observer of my EGO, I am seeing that I have been the “SHINY PENNY” girl as you mentioned in your clip with Marie. I was confronted with this by someone in my Living Love Class about 6 months ago. I am willing to wake up to this truth and get out of denial.  I often am looking for the “Shiny Penny” (she said,”Shiny Lure.”) and missing a fellow spirit who is sitting right next to me in class. I have been mentioning my mentor, Cinnamon Lofton, who is a free servant of love. Although she would want to speak to you and Oprah- I can assure you that it would ONLY be of service and she has NO agenda on being recognized or paid. I assure you that this one phone call to Cinnamon could be a BIG GIFT to you from the Universe if you are willing to receive it. Please do not confuse me (the student) with Cinnamon Lofton (the teacher). I, who has had Oprah on my vision board since 2006…LOL, have been into the recognition of it all. “Why?”  Because I have told myself that I am not enough unless I can make this union and etc happen. The Universe knows my heart and I am letting it all go and follow my whisper as I continue to serve. I am so inspired with today’s blog. I am willing to go there and speak about my hidden truth with my blog butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/ which goes into my EGO obliteration journey. I am sure if you have read ANY of my comments Mastin, you could see this part of my EGO.  I am choosing right now to go through the pain of this truth, see my innocence, forgive myself, and know that my intention from this day forward is to serve the truth- WE ARE ALL SHINY PENNIES! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/anthony.meindl Anthony Meindl

    Beautiful article! Owning your true self is one of the greatest gifts we have.

  • mel

     Hi Krysten. I am in the same exact shoes as you are, except I do it for 9 hours a day. It’s just as bad. I am beyond burnt out and want to do something that I am passionate about as well. I just don’t know what I am passionate about career-wise! :) I know that I love working with people (but don’t want to work in sales, etc). I want to help people. When I go to work though, it kills me. I feel like it makes me so miserable, both inside and outside of the office now.. So I understand how tired you are.

    I wish I had the answer on how to ‘research’ on this topic. Do you know what you enjoy doing?

  • Laura

    Hi Everyone,

    My truth is
    that I have feelings for a co-worker, who I recently found out is actually in a
    relationship. For the past few months, she and I have been spending a good amount of time
    together at work, either in person or on the phone. We’ve become work buddies, and would talk about things we liked, family, growing up, college…but never relationships. It’s clear we  were building a
    friendship, and I noticed that our dynamic changed a bit, and it seemed often
    times flirtatious. I was always mindful that we did work together, and the
    flirtation was never inappropriate, but at the same time, my feelings were
    growing. I started wondering if she had anyone in her life, so I asked, and she
    confirmed it. She actually lives with her partner. I was surprised, and a bit disappointed.
    In any event, we still talk often, about random things we have in common, and
    debate a lot. She also does not bring up her partner, unless I ask, which I tend not to do.  She often tells me that she likes to
    “push my buttons’, which seems a bit intimate to me.  I’ve been going back and forth about talking
    to her about this like an adult; nothing dramatic, just an honest conversation
    about what’s been coming up for me lately. I also keep wondering what the
    “right” thing to do; say something or not. We do work closely together, and I would not
    want that relationship to be compromised. At the same time, the thought of
    “letting myself off the hook” might help end the fantasies I have, or
    at the very least, quell the constant thought about her. I respect that she’s
    in a relationship, and would never do anything that crossed that boundary.
    There is just something in me that wonders if I did tell her, would I feel
    better and be able to move on, essentially. Honestly, I am afraid of being vulnerable.
     Anyhow, thanks for letting me share… Laura

  • http://www.facebook.com/leifaune Leif-Erik Aune

    Great blog, and totally true that telling on yourself is liberating! Shows maturity and leadership in owning and being ok with the reality that mistakes happen, challenges arise, it’s all a part of life, and admission won’t undermine you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/benjamin.scuglia Benjamin Scuglia

    Great advice, and something to remember when those I-am-not-worthy, who-am-I-to-ask-for-this thoughts start creeping in. What makes me unique is ME, my perspective, my take on things, my flaws and my filters. Thank you, as ever, MK.

  • Jdliming79

    This is a perfect post for me as I am nearing another week full if finals for school! It’s crunch time n I am always procrastinating. Thank u for this Love today n every day!!!

  • Jun

    Wow! This is so close to the way I felt last weeks. I was afraid in showing me like I am, but now I’m working in my inner feelings adn taking it to be me, the real me.
    Thanks!

  • http://dyannebrown.com/ dyannebrown

    Thank you to Mastin and Trinka for this new motto, 
    “Tell on yourself and you’re off the hook.” These are now words to live by in my mind. The most liberating thing that happened in the last year is that I finally told the truth about who I am to myself and the people that care about me. I was so afraid for them to look at me like I was a victim. I was surprised to learn that they didn’t look at me differently, in fact, they showed up for me in ways that I never thought they would. I don’t have to hide my feelings or my faults anymore. I don’t have to be perfect. These words encourage me to tell even more truths. I’ve got more work to do. Thank you! 

  • lingling lan

    It’s interesting how you talked about the “cheesy” bit. Because I find that whenever I protest that something is cheesy, or corny, or Jee-I-wonder-where-that’s-from? I always say that with a tone of inner dissatisfaction. Because, I find that when I make such statements, my better self searching for a deeper meaning, a different way of looking at something, like come on! Tell me something I don’t know! Honestly, just because somebody views something as corny or cheesy, does that always mean that somebody rejects it because they feel like they won’t allow themselves to see it that way, or is it that there may actually well in fact, be a better answer to that question?

  • jools

    I love The Daily Love! When I am living in the moment and being who I am, I find it effortless to tell on myself, just yesterday I was having a conversation with a colleague and when he called me on failing to do something I had intended to do, and said, “you suck!”  (with love) it was effortless for me to say, “I know!!! I really suck!” (meaning that I suck at planning a party that I want to happen, but somehow without investing the time and effort and money to make it a great party, not that I suck generally)  but it felt really good that I wasn’t trying to hide my real flawed self, and lucky that I knew that my friend could see the real flawed self, he wasn’t going to lie about my failing to follow through, and I knew that he counted on me to be the kind of person who follows through, and we could share a laugh and then move on. 

    What I have been wanting to talk about and ask for feedback on, is that I have cultivated a way of being that I feel happy and confident about, have developed friendships and professional relationships that support this direct, honest and assertive way of being, while at the same time I have a sister that I love and admire, but who has different values from me, and she feels that my assertiveness and directness are prideful and not in line with the humility and serving others above ourselves values that we were brought up with. The way I was raised did not serve me, I was resentful and unhappy. She has stopped speaking to me, and I am really sad for the loss of our relationship as sisters and friends. Since she stopped speaking to me without an argument or any provoking incident, I am not sure the reasons for her silence, and since part of the old pattern is me rushing in to make it right, I am resisting the urge to contact her and allowing the space between us. I am hurting though. 

    • a.

      oh Jools!!! I so feel you on this. Many believe that assertiveness and directness aren’t humble traits but I beg to differ. They are both admirable traits in a world that would rather have you stay seated and silent. It is prideful for your sister to decide she is no longer speaking to you without a word as to why or even just to say she needs a break. But it’s awesome that you’re allowing her the space to do so. You shouldn’t have to rush in to make it right. No one is perfect. You are doing just fine! 

  • Caramel_sundae_29

    iLove this!! Thank you :-)

  • Hmhham

    Ok, this one is scary but here goes. I am telling on the fact that I am in financially dire straits after making a series of decisions to leave my marriage and start school again in order to get my life back on track with my true calling and purpose in life. I don’t regret the choices and I know that transition is painful and unknown (along with exhilarating and freeing!) and admitting this is part of being my authentic self. The funny thing is that I think everyone has assumed that I’m completely destitute but I’ve been acting like everything is just how it used to be. Now that I am admitting that I’m in a hard spot, I feel like I’ve taken off a mask. This leaves me more energy to live my life rather than keep up appearances! My pride and ego have been busy supporting the old image I am carrying around in my head. I think it’s time to lovingly let that one go and use all my visualization to support the new life ahead. Thanks for this message and this space, Mastin!

  • Ammy

    I’v been bullied in the past and therefore I’m still unsure about a lot of things. almost no one on my new school knows that I’ve been bullied and I want to keep it that way.. I don’t want them to look differently at me just because primary school was awful.. luckily, I got a boyfriend right now who knows all about it and helps me with my (sometimes about nothing) emotoonal outbursts. He helps me with all sorts of things and I’m really grateful for him!
    thank you!

    Xxx ammy

  • Whirling Dervish

    My truth… it’s almost a laugh. I feel like I’ve been living in lies for so long. I put on my positive face, and I walk my talk for belief in self, and being empowered to change. Truth is, I am unloveable. 4 husbands has proved that to me. I can be the most loving person in the world, but my own partner doesn’t even want to sit in the same room as me. I do my best to not take it personally, but the beautiful woman I was when we met, is not who I am today. My own vanity makes me uncomfortable in my skin. Now I’m a small, lonely woman, who wants to sleep away her longings for companionship. I have few friends, none of whom get close to me. My Truth is that I’m surrounded by a wall of loneliness, that my own insecurieties have built, and I’m too weak to take down.