Tell The Truth And Let The Peace Fall Where It May!

“If I tell the real truth about me, you won’t love me … actually, no one will.”

That single thought has driven me to madness for most of my life. It’s like having a nasty little thought-vampire living in my head with fangs like dagger straws sucking out the oxygen-rich blood that would otherwise fuel clarity in my brain and allow me to actually make healthier decisions for myself … or to simply BE myself.

Yeah, it’s that bad.

“You won’t love me for who I really am.”

Thus could begin most of my tales of woe. For that blood-sucking little thought-vampire creates a brain freeze locking me into all kinds of bewildering behavioral patterns and stupefying choices.

Oh, the wild tales I could tell of diving in, over and over again, to ill-advised relationships because I somehow believed the treasure of “being fully loved” was to be found in the conquest of those ultimately unruly continents. And I’ve surely dynamited amazing relationships before they even began, too fearful of rejection to confess the juicy experiences simmering hot inside me. I’ve worked jobs I loathed (for years) and done things for others that I completely resented doing. And – I love this one – do you have any idea how many complete chunks of time I have squandered hardly listening to people drone on and on about things probably THEY weren’t even interested in talking about simply because I had no courage to confess my severe disinterest in that topic? I actually don’t have any idea, either. But it’s LOTS of chunks.

Oh woe to the heavens!! I simply cannot count the ways my life has shown up a cowering hunchback shadow of its highest princely potential simply because I believed no one would love me if I confessed my moment-by-moment truth!

But what is this gooey, jagged gob of chunky reality-butter that scratches and claws at my tender throat as I choke it down, determined to never let it meet the outside world?

What is “my truth”?

I’ve actually been learning to recognize what it is by what it clearly is NOT. The truth is not the complicated, elaborate sentences that start spewing from my mouth in the midst of an uncomfortable situation. The more complicated my sentences get, the more I’m obviously avoiding an unsettling inner truth, creating instead some fantasy that requires acrobatic imaginative effort. I’m scared of reality, so I play make-believe in a happy-place to avoid it, hoping everyone else will hide there with me.

Thing is, I’m miserable in that happy-place.

More and more I’m discovering the crazy truth that the simple truth is just that: crazy simple.

When my truth gets complicated, I’m actually dancing around some deeper truth that just tells it like it is. My simple truth, like a good business idea, can generally be written down on one side of a cocktail napkin and requires no justification. Justification comes from needing another – or even myself – to approve of that simple truth. But the truth itself doesn’t give a damn who accepts it. It’s perfectly content to be what it is.

I want this. I don’t want that. I feel this. I think that. I like this. That hurts. That angers me. Yes to that. No to this. That pleases me. I’m confused. Sometimes that’s the truth, too, that I just don’t know.

The truth is simple. Only my cover-ups are complicated.

However, as I learn to fully speak my truth, it does take courage to brave the consequences.

The reason we manipulate with fantasies and half-truths is because the uncertain consequences of telling the full, simple truth frighten us. We really do believe – and in some cases may even be right – that if we confess our truths other people will abandon or hurt us in some way. But when we manipulate with fantasies and lies, we’re not giving anyone an opportunity to be with the real us, anyway. That’s all we really want, to be loved and seen for who we truly are, right now.

When we tell the simple truth, as it rises in this moment, at least we give ourselves the chance to be loved for who we are. We also give ourselves the chance to love ourselves, as we are, right now.

But there’s no guarantee you’ll get what you think you want, at least not externally. Your partner might leave you. You might lose a friend or a job. I believe, however, that living with partners, friends, jobs, etc. that can’t fully embrace you is an insidious and ultimately deadly self-torture, anyway. As brilliant reality-advocate author Byron Katie said, “Whenever someone leaves me, I know I’ve been spared.”

Life is messy. Being human is messy. It’s not so neat as our “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” would have us believe. Truth arises inside each of us in infinite ways. It takes shape as the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

More and more, I notice that when I tell the simple truth about who I am in any given moment, I’m overcome with a deep, abiding peace that doesn’t depend on anything outside me. By allowing the outside world to NOT have to fix what hurts or give me what I want, I’m simply left with the most indescribably delicious freedom and sense of peace.

The truth is going to be what it is, anyway, whether or not it has anyone’s cooperation, including my own. So I’m learning to just, as the Beatles wisely sang, let it be.

Jamming our jagged, chunky truths deep into our guts just cuts and slowly bleeds us from the inside.

Better to just spit it out, tell the truth and let the peace fall where it may.

What’s one powerful action you could take today to tell the truth about who you are?

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Bryan Reeves is a totally rad music manager. Check out his blog and follow him on Twitter.

  • AZ

    Thank you for this writing. I, too, have had to find this honesty in my work-life of late. Surprisingly, no one has kicked my butt to the curb yet. And if they do, so be it!

    The one nuance I’d like to add is that when I really began working on speaking my truth I had to also learn how to say it in a way that would keep people open to hearing the message. How I present my truth to others is important, especially if I want to have my needs met.

    • this is a tricky thing! as soon as you expect others to meet your needs, in any way, at some point you’re almost surely going to have to manipulate them in a sneaky, dishonest way. The truth has no agenda … and it’s always kind. 

  • Bella

    There is beauty in truth and comfort… It allows for acceptance (of a person, a situation, a moment, a life)… With acceptancecwe do not have to also give approval – simply knowing what is, is beauty. Too often people live afraid to be themselves, fearful of exposure, they are either hiding or don’t wish to disappoint… However, when false truths, half truths, white lies unravel…and they eventually do…people get hurt, unnecessarily.
    Your blog is beautiful. Thank you for being brave enough to share it.

    • Thank you, Bella … your response is worthy of your name : ) 

  • ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

    Let the truth drip….REAL TALK!

  • beababy

    “The truth itseflf doesn’t give a damn who accepts it.  Its perfectly content to be what it is.” 

    That’s brilliant and utterly true.  Call a thing a thing people! as Iyanla Vanzant says.

    • I LOVE Iyanla … she also taught me about “Love Projects” … as in … don’t take them on!!! : )

  • Thank you very mucht for writing this and being so honest. It’s inspiring and in many ways exactly what I needed to hear right now! 🙂

    • Beautiful Denise. Thank you for acknowledging that. Good luck on your adventure!

  • Megan

    Ain’t that the truth! 

  • Erin

    Beautiful, loved this.

  • Erika

    Wow. This was amazing!! Thank you. So well articulated and obviously timely for what I’ve been experiencing in my life.  “Jamming our jagged, chunky truths deep into our guts just cuts and slowly bleeds us from the inside. Better to just spit it out, tell the truth and let the peace fall where it may.” Dude. That’s one of my new favorite quotes.

    Thank you! 🙂

    • yeah that was a fun one to write … sometimes I tickle myself with these metaphors that appear in my own thoughts … I dont know where they come from. And believe me, there’s lots that don’t work so well, no matter how much I bend and shape them. Good luck on your journey, Erika!!

  • Louk

    Wow! A nail on the head moment! Ouch but Thank You!!!!!!!

    • As they say, the truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off!

  • LisaM

    Sometimes the truth is, you haven’t reached the truth yet, or you haven’t fully accepted it if you have, sometimes the truth is the cover up, where we are in each moment is exactly where we are meant to be, and that’s the truth… have peace with it all 😉 Lisa

    • indeed … it’s admitting wherever we are that’s so exhilarating. Even admitting that we might be in a lie and we’re not sure can be wildly liberating! Thanks LisaM(arie??)

  • Cristina

    This was amazing… i am printing it out and putting it in my Journal for a nice reminder.

    • yeah … I should do the same LOL 🙂

  • I love this post, Bryan!  I absolutely, completely, whole-heartedly LOVE what you say here! 

    It’s such a good reminder to how we should all strive to be.  Just be ourselves!  Stand in our truth (as Suze Orman says).  

    I appreciate how you bared yourself and shared your story.  I can relate to you, as I bet nearly everyone on this planet can too. 
    “If I tell the real truth about me, you won’t love me … actually, no one will.”
    It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels that way.  I’m 34 and feel like I’m just now showing the world who I *really* am. 

    Thank you for the reminder and encouragement to BE ME.  “Tell the truth and let the peace fall where it may.”  Love that too!  🙂 

    -Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/

    • Thanks, Sarah. Love your blog too : )

  • RobP

    Very powerful message – thanks!

  • Joanj

    I agree I have to be truthful with ourselves but I don’t think everyone else wants to know we’re only ‘acting’ sweet and docile when we really have a bad temper and would  be disagreeing with most of the BS we hear around us all day.  Instead, we don’t voice our opinion for fear of upsetting others and have learned that people only want you to listen and agree.

    • You’re certainly right that people are often afraid of “the truth” … simply because it’s often messy, but only in the sense that it doesn’t look the way we want it to. But to be clear, I’m not advocating for running around telling everyone what you think of them … no, that’s just vomiting your unquestioned judgments onto people … although, if that’s all you got, doing just that will certainly bring you some POWERFUL lessons … QUICK!!

      What I’m advocating for is simply telling your truth in the moment, which if you get deep enough, it’s never threatening to another person, because it has nothing to do with them. Your deepest, most simply truth is always personal to you, and no one else can fix it or be hurt by it, unless they allow it to do so.

      Despite its simplicity, our thoughts and fears make this a complex conversation … that’s why I’m writing a whole book about it! … coming soon : )

  • Majestic

    I feel ya’!

  • Lzrn

    This is just what I needed to read today.  Thank you for your insight.

  • Tayleighbird

    right on brian!

  • this is a tricky thing! as soon as you expect others to meet your needs, in any way, at some point you’re almost surely going to have to manipulate them in a sneaky, dishonest way. The truth has no agenda … and it’s always kind. 

  • Kim

    Bryan Reeves – awesome article!!  I have reread it several times.  So many a-ha moments!  I have struggled with becoming a chameleon in every relationship, becoming a hard-core people pleaser.  It has wreaked havoc on my health in the last few years.  This year has been an awakening to my soul and articles like yours are pushing me to seek out truth…most of all, to open myself up to my own truth and not be afraid to show it to others (regardless of their reaction).  I have lost a few friends lately, but I’m absolutely “GOOD with it.”  I have been spared. :o)  I have also made new friends which are authentic and accepting of my “true” self.  Keep up the great work.  I know I will…even when the truth hurts.  It’s all liberating and, yes, freeing! Namaste’

    • Hi Kim … … it’s always comforting to know there’s another person going through similar challenges, so thank you for showing up here and helping me breathe a little deeper. 

  • Susan

    WOW~~~~ Thank you for telling it like it is…….I salute you for your honesty and courage to allow me/us to HEAR you speak what so many of us experience with such eloquence… and humor……

    • Hi Susan. Thank you for your feedback. Deeply appreciated. 

  • Judith

    Thank you Bryan – I put off reading this for so long – actually hiding from this email.  Today I made it – I climbed the mountain at just the right time. You are an authentic teacher and I pay respect to that – the light is glowing brighter because of your words.
    Thank you…Judith

    • Hi Judith … I loved seeing this comment. Thank you for the feedback. I’m so glad these words scared you, and I’m so glad you faced them, anyway. That’s some juiciness!!! 

  • YaaSoulSistah

    Deeply honest, inspirational and validating post Bryan! I came upon my truth last year when I experienced myself reflected in the mirror of my ex-husband. I had to finally face and speak the truth when I realized that I could not rescue him from his alcoholic black outs, addictive behavior, our shared abandonment issues and inability to be present for each other. The relationship finally ended for good when he married one of his Facebook friends less than 60 days after he left my house to go into rehab and 30 days after he was kicked out of that same rehab. The manipulative behavior, dishonesty and codependency that he and I had practiced in the 20 years of our on again, off again relationship all came crashing down on me. The truth rained down on me like buckets of stinking sulfur, hot, bubbling black tar.  What is “my truth”?
    I’ve actually been learning to recognize what it is by what it clearly is NOT. The truth is not the complicated, elaborate sentences that start spewing from my mouth in the midst of an uncomfortable situation. The more complicated my sentences get, the more I’m obviously avoiding an unsettling inner truth, creating instead some fantasy that requires acrobatic imaginative effort. I’m scared of reality, so I play make-believe in a happy-place to avoid it, hoping everyone else will hide there with me.
    Thing is, I’m miserable in that happy-placeWhen you wrote this post you spoke for me, when I read it, straight to my soul it went as a message that I am not alone.  I was so completely exhausted and used up, so tired of making long, drawn out speeches filled with poetic words, trying to convince him how deserving he was of my love – when honestly I had no love for myself… and pathetically allowed him to show me how much I didn’t love myself by accepting his unloving behavior almost every single day. Now on the path to discovering myself, my true purpose and trusting myself I know that I had abandoned and betrayed myself for all the years that he and I were in and out of each other’s lives. I know that I attracted all my deeply buried issues back to myself in the form of a man that I loved more than I loved myself. I sacrificed myself and my children to give him all of my energy, all of my focus and power so I would not have to focus on the emptiness and lack of self-love that lived inside me. I am filled with gratitude and relief that the past is done and over with.That my children are grown and that I have healthy relationships with them and my grandchildren. That today I am willing to change my thoughts and know that I am enough!I am sweet, succulent, juicy love that is overflowing. I love myself so deeply that I hear and see myself completely.I look at my reflection in the mirror, look deeply into my own eyes, and never, ever look away again.

    • This is really powerful!! thanks for sharing your story … yeah it’s surprisingly so simple to live in our truth … because it offers no apology, needs no justification or validation from anyone else … it doesn’t need to convince anyone of anything. It just is what it is, girl!!! It isn’t personal to anyone or anything; it doesn’t judge others or try to change them … it simply honors life’s truth of this moment, always guiding us towards what truly works in the interest of the whole and feels good to us at the same time … So simple. Welcome to your exciting new life!!