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The Art Of Self-Love And Setting Boundaries

Being a loving person doesn’t mean you are a push over. In fact, many times the loving thing to do is to set boundaries.

As with everything we talk about here on TDL, the key is balance. Too many boundaries and you close off; no boundaries and you lose yourself.

As TDL continues to grow, my time is getting slimmer and slimmer. And more people are asking for it. I am such a people pleaser, that I want to help everyone and as many people happy as possible.

I have been like this my whole life. I have an innate desire to help other people, especially those who are down and out. When I was in grade school I would confront the bully’s. I don’t like seeing people get picked on. And I love seeing people step up into their power and become happy and fulfilled.

I learned at a young age that I have a desire to help make other people happy. However, as I grew into adulthood and then embraced being an entrepreneur, I had to learn a valuable lesson: the boundaries of self-love.

I had had partnerships where I sunk a lot of money into other people’s dreams. I had had a lot of personal relationships where I would invest in other people. Some people turned out to be positive investments and some turned out to be not-so-positive investments. No matter what, there was always a lesson that I was grateful for.

One of the hardest and most challenging lessons I had to learn was the lesson of giving TOO MUCH away to other people. Earlier in my career and my adventure in L.A. as a talent manager, my life was all about helping out artists. I secretly wanted to be the artist, but was too chicken to do it. So I helped other artists achieve their dreams. I eventually went into business with an artist who had a dream and put a lot of money into that endeavor. I was so focused on this other person’s dreams and ideas that I was ignoring my own.

As a result resentment built up within me and I then projected it onto my partner. I was pissed. I thought at the time I was pissed because my partner wasn’t seeing me, but the truth is, I wasn’t seeing me for who I really was or what I really wanted. So, it was through too much giving that my life became out of balance.

This was a painful and crippling lesson for me to learn, both emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. I was bankrupt across the board. It was ironic because I was promoting a message of self-love, but didn’t have any myself.

Of course it is in giving that we receive, but that starts with ourselves. If we are not full, we will have nothing to give away. I learned that boundaries are very important. I learned that I had to be fulfilled before I could be fulfilling in any relationship or partnership.

I learned this lesson through pain, but it has since become a path of joy. My ego hated the transformation from that dark place to my life now, but each time my ego got mad, my Spirit celebrated.

Now, I am living my dream. It started through self-love, then grew from giving that love away and is sustained by a balance of giving to myself and to others. I have never experienced more consistent joy in my life as a result of those painful years and I would do them all over again if I had too, because on the other side, life is beautiful and sweet.

Are you living your life for others and abandoning yourself in the process? Let me know: [email protected]

Love, self-love and giving love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Take what resonates with you from the blog and leave the rest. Follow him on Twitter here.

  • steph

    Thanks Mastin! I am experiencing exactly what you described when you first came into this awareness about your lack of boundaries…and mainly self time. What a crazy time of flipping switches for a person who’s used to the blind spot of their own time and interests before serving others. I’m having a blast with this new language and am more excited for others who are in my life as well as entering my life from this moment forth. It’s a lot more fun to get the balance lingo. Great reinforcing :)

  • http://waystoselflove.com Shevy

    After I read this this morning it suddenly occurred to me a major change I have made in my life. For a long time I thought my soul purpose and destiny was to stay behind someone and help them be the best version of themselves, while I would remain unseen in the background. So I adopted many people over my life and placed a lot of investment in them as you said. In fact in one case, I invested so much that I had a massive nervous breakdown, lost my job, my money, and my friends because my mental stability came into question.

    Then I went on a trip around South East Asia for 4 months and committed seriously to Yoga. Now, Im taking all of that investment and putting it in myself. I still help and invest in others but the way of doing it is totally different now and doesnt at all make me feel drained our resentful.

    So Im definitely with you on this. Self-love and boundaries are definitely the way to go…

  • http://www.erinnselkis.com Erinn

    Beautiful share and I appreciate your honesty and commitment to yourself and TDL. Thanks!!!

  • Lynn

    Awesome!!

  • justeeks

    I just looove reading ur posts and every1 else’s. Seems like u guys know what to write @ the right time. <3

  • kay

    Definitely setting new boundaries!!

  • Kaley

    So true, Mastin! Thanks for this insightful post. It seems that we need to encounter and move through the challenges to really reach and know the successes. Just like we cannot know joy without knowing sorrow, or happiness without sadness, we cannot know success without also knowing the challenges that can threaten our stability and disrupt our balance. I like how you acknowledged how past relationships that did not go too well were life lessons, and you made the conscious choice to view them in a different way: as teachings rather than regrets. I couldn’t agree more, and as I continue to experience this life I begin to realize that everything we need is within us and we attract who we are and what we look for into our life. The power lies in the choice.

    Peace and Love,

    Kaley

  • http://twitter.com/3_DOLLS 3 D.O.L.L.S.

    I too learned this lesson the hard way, and sometimes I feel myself slipping back into my old ways.  Then I just remind myself that I need just as much love, time, and care as others and it has to start with me!  

  • http://twitter.com/3_DOLLS 3 D.O.L.L.S.

    love this

  • Monica

    I’m going through this now. Everyone has my time or it seems that way. I was a push over. Always the one everyone can count on. When I started to say no the ugly came out and I found the real people that should be in my life. Thanks
    Monica

  • Gab pezo

    I just came to the same realization… as I am happy to help other, I find yself with no time helping myself achieve my own goals…. so I am setting boundaries :)

  • TreeOfLife72

    Great thoughts, you’re so insightful!!!

  • Jacqueline Oester

    thanks for this… it’s like looking in the mirror… awesome

  • Nancytaylor71

    You inspire my soul each and everyday! Thank you for you!

  • Tmquarles

    Wow – I couldn’t relate to this more! @ 44, 20 yr. marriage, mom2six have done the above for the past 20, no boundaries – always yes – supporting everyone else’s endeavors b’cuz my main focus was the family 1st – now…….a feeling of jack of all trades, master of not much today- I’m aware of talent and strengths I possess but have a hard time ignoring  the economy. Even though I feel like it’s finally ‘my’ turn it seems like a ridiculous notion to even ponder a new venture in this economy!  Hmmm, I’m sure I’ll figure it out – just in limbo I spose! So thank u for this! It’s very reassuring and inspiring to see success stories ~ :)

  • Pingback: Boundaries: Fences for love | Corvin's Spirituality

  • Heather

    *bullies