The Best Friend You Could Ever Have Is You!

Ryf-Van-Rij-199x300The time to make friends is before we need them.

The best friend we could ever have is ourselves. (Tweet-worthy!) The guy or the girl that stares back at us from the glass is our best friend. When we carry out the promises we make to ourselves each day it’s far easier to look at that person in the mirror at the end of the day and say, “Thank you for another great day, I love you.”

The person we let down the most when we don’t keep our promises is ourselves. Generally it starts with the slow leak of our commitments to ourselves and others, which then becomes a gaping hole in the vessel of our dreams.

It becomes a lose-lose situation because if we don’t trust and believe in our own dreams then those we are trying to influence in business or relationships will lose their trust in us as well.

There is a truth that when discovered will set us up for sustainable success.

The truth is that knowledge does not apply itself!

No amount of repeating affirmations and staring endlessly at a vision boards will advance us toward our goals and inspire us to keep our commitments and promises if we don’t apply knowledge. The bridge that takes ideas to manifestation is applying knowledge into action.

In all of recorded literature since Greek times and beyond, there have been two basic feelings described that rule everyone’s lives. These feelings are pain and pleasure. Pleasure feels good, pain feels bad. Creatures in the animal kingdom don’t have the choice as to what they associate pain or pleasure with. As human beings we have the free will and the choice to determine what is painful and what is pleasurable.

Neurological Associative Reactive Conditioning (NARC) is a technique that enables us to leverage our subconscious minds by making choices about what we associate pain and pleasure with.

Humans are not designed very well to tolerate pain and we prefer to repeat things that are pleasurable. We often avoid the “traction point” or “main thing” that would drive our lives, relationships or businesses forward because we associate pain with them. We may avoid things such as making calls or reaching out to others to share our opportunity or business ideas. We may feel fearful, nervous or even sad or angry. The unfortunate thing is that the people we’re speaking to or attempting to contact will pick up the vibes of our fear, nerves or anger and will reject what it is we want to share. A rising tide raises all ships. Unfortunately a sinking tide will do the reverse.

This is where we can use NARC to turn things around.

Whatever our particular “traction point” may be that we are associating pain with, what we now must do is associate pleasure with that activity.

If we have a fear of picking up the phone to speak with new customers for our business, then we need to think of that telephone as an ATM machine that will give us the means to realize our dreams and goals. Not picking up that phone will keep us living a life of quiet desperation where we live according to the clock and at the mercy of other people’s demands instead of living by the compass and directing our own lives. We will be letting our loved ones and families down if we don’t make those calls.

If we have an aversion to getting out of the door to head to gym so that we can exercise our bodies to lose the weight we’ve been carrying around for years, then we need to associate going to gym with the most exciting activity we’ve ever done which will give us energy, vitality, charisma and boundless joy. We need to associate not going to gym with a steady deterioration into sickness, lack of mobility, constant visits to doctors and hospitals and a daily mountain of prescribed drugs which will lead us to an early demise all of which will put huge pressure on our family and friends.

Temptation’s job is to get us off the path. We end up scratching our heads wondering why it is we do the things we don’t want to do instead of doing the things we need to do.

The human mind, once stretched by a new idea, will never regain its former shape.

Use NARC to change what you associate pain and pleasure with and you have a tool to turn your roadblocks into super highways.

So would you be willing to attach pleasure to the things that create traction in the direction of your goals instead of pain?

Could you accept that your best friend is the guy or girl staring back at you in the mirror?

Are you ready to to move knowledge into action and become a master manifester?

Much Love and Welcome Home,



Ryf Van Rij is a coach and creator of The Daily Way Home. Connect with Ryf via Facebook and Twitter.

  • jill

    Yes, yes, this! Well put, easy to apply. Thank you.

    • Ryf Van Rij

      Hi Jill,

      That’s the great irony of personal growth/awareness. It’s simple yet it’s simplicity deludes us and we make things complicated! It’s mostly just us that gets in our own way! Personal growth is as much an unlearning processes as it is a growth process. Each one of us was born magnificent. It’s just the stuff we learned along the way and the meaning we gave to events of our past that throw roadblocks up to our freedom.

      Love & Respect,


      • jill

        Thank you ! Yes…much unlearning. I am an expert at complicating things 😉

    • The Daily Love

      We’re glad you enjoyed it, Jill! Thanks for reading!
      -Team TDL

  • Talya Price

    This is a very great post. Society tells us that we need someone to make ourselves whole. Hence the reason so many people are in such bad relationships. They are afraid to be alone, they are afraid of themselves. It took a really bad and toxic relationship to teach me how to love myself again.

    • Ryf Van Rij

      Hi Talya, thanks so much for sharing. Really cool realization. And an empowering perspective is that this relationship was exactly what you needed at the time to bring you to awareness of self-love without which the cycle of looking for some person, place or thing to complete you may have continued.

      Peace be the journey.


    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for reading and sharing, Talya!
      -Team TDL

  • Guest


    Nice blog as always! I agree we can’t just manifest our goals into fruition by looking at vision boards or repeating affirmations, we must do the work. And I do let myself down at times by not getting off the couch and do what I have made a commitment to myself to do and haven’t followed through with it. Your words resonated with me and I will make an honest effort to look at myself as “my best friend” each and every day.

    I know this is off the real point of this blog, but I hope you don’t fully believe what you said about animals; “Creatures in the animal kingdom don’t have the choice as to what they associate pain or pleasure with”. I would disagree and hope that you might look at animals differently. When I watch my cat go to her toys and play with them, without any help from me, I see her taking “pleasure” in this behavior. She is making a conscious choice to seek out her toys and play for lengths of time. I have seen my dog pick up a ball and bat it around the yard, romping and chasing it. Since my dog is choosing to do this without any help from me I have to assume he is finding pleasure in it or he would not continue to do it. If one looks at animals in the “wild” you can see many experiences of them doing something that is pleasurable, i.e., grooming another member of the pack, romping and chasing one another, taking pleasure in sliding down a snow or ice bank, etc. Now, I know we can make the statement that wild animals do this for the survival and unity of the pack, or they are life lessons for them to learn to survive, which are true as well. However, isn’t that what we as humans are also doing? We do pleasurable acts.. sometimes just for the pure pleasure it brings to us, but also to keep our pack/family united, or to bring others to our business ventures, in essence using pleasure to survive. And, I have seen my pets, as well as wild animals, choosing to stay clear of something that has caused them pain in the past.
    You say, ” As human beings we have the free will and the choice to determine what is painful and what is pleasurable”. Granted, animals may not have the “free will” ability to go open the door to get their ball to have some fun (actually I had a cat that opened every door in my house), but once it is available to them they certainly take advantage of it to have some fun, which is pleasurable to them.

    • Ryf Van Rij

      Thanks for your heartfelt comments.

      I guess what I was trying to share is that creator gave us humans free will which our neighbours in the animal kingdom don’t have. A tree just grows. However as humans we can choose a path of growth or a path of destruction. We can will whatever we will ourselves to be. Animals can’t. Humans have the freedom of choice and also the freedom to connect to inner divinity. As humans we have endless possibilities. Animals and plants don’t. As humans we can make our own choices and determine our own paths. Because of the freedom that comes with our potential of inner divinity and our ability to practice free will, we humans have an obligation that the plants and animals on our planet do not.

      This obligation is to answer the call of self-discovery and except the life force of divine presence which is the birthright and inheritance of every human being.

      But I hear you loud and clear. We had five dogs growing up. My Boxer dog was more of a father to me than my father. I used to call him daddy box!

      Love & Respect!


  • Laura

    Thanks Ryf, as always – great blog. I have literally, for weeks on end, avoided picking up the phone as you suggested up top. I’m going to try to associate that phone with an ATM machine. Great visual! Thanks!