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The Endless Pursuit of Unconditional Love!

Approximately four months ago I had a major “aha” moment that has completely changed my life and my relationships for the better. I realized that unconditional love when experienced in the human body is not actually possible to receive or give consistently. This very idea completely rocked my world and allowed me to finally kick my love attachment and addiction to the curb.

Growing up, one of the biggest challenges I had was that I often felt misunderstood. In fact, that was the theme of the first 18 years of my life. I would spend countless days in my room crying to myself because it felt like nobody understood me and nobody saw things the way I did. All I wanted was to be loved and understood, and the only times I actually felt that way was when I did something that others approved of.

As a young boy, the most important person that I longed to get this love and understanding from was my mom. I felt very little love come from my dad growing up as he was too busy with work to be around much at all. So my mom was my primary source of love for the majority of those 18 years. Anytime I felt down, vulnerable or even lonely, I would look to my mom to fill me with love so I would feel better.

However I rarely received it in the way that I was looking for. I was longing to feel loved no matter what I said or how I acted; I was longing for unconditional love. But instead what I got the majority of the time was love with conditions, expectations and standards. If I did things in a way that my mom did not like, I would be scolded or punished. If I acted out when I was supposed to be a “good boy,” she would get angry and upset. Instead of feeling loved, I felt hurt, misunderstood and alone.

Although she always told me that she loved me unconditionally, her actions often times did not accurately resemble her words, and as a result I did not feel unconditionally loved. Because I was never able to feel this so called unconditional love, I began unconsciously chasing after it. (Please note I love my mom and I am beyond grateful for our relationship and how much it has taught me and continues to teach me in this life. She was and still is a fantastic mother and was only responding in the way that she knew how. )

Up until recently, I spent the last eight years seeking unconditional love from any woman who came into my life. I felt like I needed to experience love without conditions or expectations, but it never happened. From that moment on, every time I felt love I would cling onto it for dear life. I would become so attached and addicted to the feeling that I even depended on it at times to function. And when I stopped feeling that love (and I always did), I would be absolutely devastated. This pattern recycled itself many times until something finally clicked.

I realized that part of the human condition is that there will always be conditions to everything that we think, say, feel and do. There may be moments that are unconditional, but they are not sustainable. As humans we are made up of everything. Where there is happiness, there is also sadness. When we have the highest of highs, we also have the lowest of lows. There are times we feel love, but there are also times when we feel fear.

We are spirit as much as we are human. I believe that unconditional love is a spiritual concept that can’t be fully sustained in these human bodies. Even when it comes to self-love, I don’t believe we can actually experience it unconditionally all of the time. As long as we are experiencing the human condition, there will always be conditions to our feelings. Spending all that time chasing after something that is unattainable will only fuel your addiction and attachment to it, and ultimately create even more imbalance in your life.

When our spirit is not in this human body, I believe that the feeling of unconditional love is a constant and it comes from our connection to The Uni-verse. As soon as we are born into these bodies, there is an immediate degree of separation from The Uni-verse and thus a void is created. I believe that as human beings, part of our condition is that we try to fill that void with the love of another human being. Even if we try to fill that void with self-love, no matter how hard we try, it will never fully be filled as long as we are in these bodies. This is why it is an endless pursuit.

So, if we can’t actually sustain that experience and feeling in this life, then how do we stop fueling the addiction, attachment and imbalance to it?

As you learn to accept that love experienced in this human body is conditional, you will begin to shift your focus to what you are feeling in each moment. The more that you embrace how you are feeling and what you are experiencing in each and every moment – knowing that it very well could change the very next moment – your appreciation for what is NOW will increase and your desire for something more than the present condition will begin to disappear.

Love, like any emotion, can change on a dime and its true nature in the human body is not meant to be unconditional. If we can learn to embrace ALL of our feelings and express them in each moment – we will no longer become attached to the idea or the feeling of unconditional love and will finally be liberated to live an empowered life.

Take Action Challenge:
Are you ready to end the chase for unconditional love once and for all? Are you ready to kick your love addiction and attachment to the curb? Every day make a conscious effort to embrace the human condition, focus on how you are feeling in each moment, and express it clearly and fearlessly. Liberate yourself and enjoy the ride!

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Michael Eisen is the founder of the Youth Wellness Network, an organization dedicated to inspiring and empowering youth across the globe to live happier and more positive lives. Michael is teaching his first online program this summer called Living the Empowered YOU. To learn more about Michael and the Youth Wellness Network, visit: www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca, connect with him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter: @youthwellnet

  • Healmyjeans

    yesyesyes Michael! ( as stephan from SNLwould say) you hit the the head- wow- aha moment for me THANK U!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Amazing! I am SO happy for your aha moment – this was a big one for me to share :). Thanks for reading and your feedback!

  • Healmyjeans

    yesyesyes Michael! ( as stephan from SNLwould say) you hit the the head- wow- aha moment for me THANK U!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Amazing! I am SO happy for your aha moment – this was a big one for me to share :). Thanks for reading and your feedback!

  • Alyseeldred

    I loved this. It makes so much sence to me. What a beautiful, way to think about the way I have been approaching my relationships. Thank you!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Thank you Alyse – So happy it resonated with you!

  • Alyseeldred

    I loved this. It makes so much sence to me. What a beautiful, way to think about the way I have been approaching my relationships. Thank you!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Thank you Alyse – So happy it resonated with you!

  • <3

    Michael, this is everything!!! I’ve heard people say they were looking for unconditional love yet they didn’t give it. Here’s the thing … when you are actively seeking something, you are not actively thinking about or reflecting upon your own actions, in the sense that you aren’t thinking about what you bring to a relationship. What our parents didn’t give us cannot be found in other people nor should it be. Inevitably it all boils down to being in a place of lack. We are responsible for our void, thus it is not the responsibility of friends, lovers and others to fill it. I have been guilty of coming from a place of lack. Now I think , “What can/do I bring to the table?” and that relationships are reciprocal. We have a right to care for ourselves and to have the expectation to be respected. Love doesn’t change but it doesn’t mean we have to engage with people who don’t have our best interest at heart. We should have the expectation that the love will flow both ways. Thank you for this post! You are right on!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Thank you! I am glad it resonated so deeply!! It is a very important topic for me too :)

  • <3

    Michael, this is everything!!! I’ve heard people say they were looking for unconditional love yet they didn’t give it. Here’s the thing … when you are actively seeking something, you are not actively thinking about or reflecting upon your own actions, in the sense that you aren’t thinking about what you bring to a relationship. What our parents didn’t give us cannot be found in other people nor should it be. Inevitably it all boils down to being in a place of lack. We are responsible for our void, thus it is not the responsibility of friends, lovers and others to fill it. I have been guilty of coming from a place of lack. Now I think , “What can/do I bring to the table?” and that relationships are reciprocal. We have a right to care for ourselves and to have the expectation to be respected. Love doesn’t change but it doesn’t mean we have to engage with people who don’t have our best interest at heart. We should have the expectation that the love will flow both ways. Thank you for this post! You are right on!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Thank you! I am glad it resonated so deeply!! It is a very important topic for me too :)

  • Kathya

    Michael–thanks for sharing your voice with others.  This journey we are all on is both heart wrenching and heart glorifying–when I understand that ALL of who I am is worth honoring so much is opened up, only later to be closed down awaiting a new awakening…and it goes on 

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Thanks for sharing Kathya! Keep your faith strong, heart open and enjoy the ride!

  • Kathya

    Michael–thanks for sharing your voice with others.  This journey we are all on is both heart wrenching and heart glorifying–when I understand that ALL of who I am is worth honoring so much is opened up, only later to be closed down awaiting a new awakening…and it goes on 

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

       Thanks for sharing Kathya! Keep your faith strong, heart open and enjoy the ride!

  • Terri_Cole

    Michael-
    Thank you for another excellent post! All so true in that accepting the ‘human condition’ that we all have is the beginning of enjoying what we have (love) and not expecting something that does not exist (unconditional love). I so appreciate your words of wisdom and know this post will speak to many Daily Lovers and give relief and hope <3

  • Terri_Cole

    Michael-
    Thank you for another excellent post! All so true in that accepting the ‘human condition’ that we all have is the beginning of enjoying what we have (love) and not expecting something that does not exist (unconditional love). I so appreciate your words of wisdom and know this post will speak to many Daily Lovers and give relief and hope <3

  • Adrianna

    I too had an “unconditional love” aha moment many years ago that changed the course of my life. I lived my life with the soul purpose of loving all beings unconditionally. I wanted to be the mirror of unconditional love that they might see themselves, know themselves as love and loved. My “aha” moment came when I realized there was something deeply wrong in my equation; I was loving their personalities under every hurtful, entitled, disrespectful, mean condition with no regard for my feelings or my self. I knew it was not who they really were and so I wrote off the behavior and continued to give purely and lovingly to them. In my “aha” moment I realized that I already did love them unconditionally. Under no condition did I ever forget that they were Spirit not human and I did not allow their human behavior to define who they were. The part that was “wrong” in my equation was in taking care of myself with all they presented that was not love and loving by saying “this is not who you really are and I can’t be with this one.”
    Moral of my story, love them where they are and take care of yourself and leave them if you need to, that’s what love does.

  • Rebecca

    Michael–A great read; I can relate to much of what you’ve written.  I, too, have often looked outside myself for unconditional love and have often been left hurting.  And then I woke up one day and realized that I AM the only one who truly needs to love myself unconditionally, even when I am not at my best.  This very concept has changed what I expect not only from my self, but also has changed what I expect from others.  And I have felt more at peace now than ever before.  This is the lesson I am teaching my own wonderful daughters and hope that they can carry it into their adulthood.

  • Richard Carignan

     
    Dear Human:You didn’t come here to master
    unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return.
    You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love.
    Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity.
    Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty
    of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already
    are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then
    to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling
    that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It
    doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of
    perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you
    stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry
    and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live
    and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s
    Plenty.”by Courtney A. Walsh 

  • julia

    Love is an amazing feeling and everyone wants it unconditional. People often suffer when they are in love and have relationship. But love between parents and child is always unconditional, that’s why it’s so easy, you just love them without questions. I’ve also written about Love in my blog an want to share:
    http://cheapessaysonline.com/blog/paper-example-the-theme-of-love/