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The Journey Of Relation-SHIP

6Dana Lynne Curry_9508[1]“The journey is the reward.” -Chinese Proverb

I have been writing a lot lately about the delicate dance of relation-SHIP, and by relation-SHIP, I literally mean SHIP–like, as in relation-SHIPs are journeys, not destinations.

Sometimes, travel is smooth and beautiful, and the water is crystal clear and the skies are baby blue. Whew!

Other times, waters are murky and tumultuous & filled with predators, and the sky is pitch black, rainy and thunderous–Scary!

Most of us have a destination in mind when we go on a journey, and this is often true of a relation-SHIP, as well. We have an idea of where we want it to go, and so often, we have OUR PLAN (destination) in mind . . . and we forget to really see and appreciate the person in front of us and we don’t live authentically in our own skin.

This is also true when we meet someone and assume they have nothing to offer us. We never see the gifts they potentially could offer us in our life ‘cuz we think we have it figured out before we even allow the relation-SHIP to develop.

I don’t know about you, but some of the coolest journeys I have taken are just getting in the car and starting to drive–without knowing where I am going . . . OR (even better) . . . having a set destination and then getting lost or going on a detour and ending up somewhere even more amazing than I had ever imagined . . . (I’m sure you know where I’m secretly going with this by now!).

CONSIDER THIS: 

Relation-SHIPS are journeys, not destinations, and if we open ourselves to fully experiencing another person, while being authentic at the same time, the possibilities are endless! Hello!

For those of us who have ever chased a relationship, this notion can be a huge relief. Personally, I’d rather be my imperfect, crazy, awkward self–with someone who appreciates me for all of it–than try to be perfect with someone who constantly corrects me, criticizes me, and wants me to be different than who I am. Bye-bye!

When we open ourselves up authentically to others, we may be surprised where the journey, the relation-SHIP carries us. Where has an unexpected relation-SHIP taken you?

Leave me a comment and let me know!

All Aboard!

Love,

Captain Dana

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Dana Lynne Curry, Ph.D., has been teaching middle school English (with no low bun) for over 23 years. She is a grateful writer, storyteller, teacher and student. Find Dana at funfreeME and on Twitter @funfreeMe1.

  • Aurelio

    Hey, Dana!… I love your comment, “I’d rather be my imperfect, crazy, awkward self–with someone who appreciates me for all of
    it–than try to be perfect with someone who constantly corrects me,
    criticizes me, and wants me to be different than who I am.”…

    In my previous marriage, I was the person doing the criticizing because I couldn’t accept myself, so I couldn’t accept my wife… I am now doing a much better job of loving myself, and am prepared for the moment when my Soulmate enters my life, and we will both accept each other for our “imperfect, crazy, awkward self”… Thanks!… :-)

    LOve,

    Aurelio.

    • danalynnecurry

      Hell Yes! It sounds like you are in a great spot for calling in your SouMatE!
      Blessings,
      Dana

  • Suemac

    I’m venturing into the waters of a new, wholly unexpected relationship and I’m very intent on allowing the destination to be secondary – I want to savor the experience and simply let each day bring whatever it might have to offer.
    I’ve worked hard the last couple of years to let go of that pesky rule book of “shoulds” that has dominated my thinking for so long and I thank you for the reminder the adventure is what it’s all about!

    • danalynnecurry

      Be present in every moment of this holy encounter. You are blessed, GIRRRRL!
      Dana

  • Anne

    Hey Dana, Great post and so timely for me…. I have been married 14 years with two children and my husband is there for me, good provider, etc, but at the same time doesn’t seem to want to do anything romantic & sometimes is quite distant and critical.

    I find myself confused as one week he will be really attentive and the next completely distant. Although I consider myself quite spiritually evolved & together, over the years I’ve become a little insecure even though I work hard at loving and accepting myself. I want my marriage to work but how do I go about getting more balance and him to see that we both need to make an effort? I know my happiness is my own responsibility and have tried many different things to add some extra sparkle but often he doesn’t seem to care much & then i become disillusioned. I try to “be the change I want to see” so do the things I’d love him to do for me which sometimes ends up with me feeling resentful. We have an anniversary coming up and my mum offered to mind the kids so
    we could have a night away and he just shrugged his shoulders…should i go ahead and arrange it or just let it go? (my usual response would be to do it and convince myself he will love it when we get there…hmmm) Love to hear yours or others opinions. Thank you!

    • danalynnecurry

      Hi Anne–

      This sounds pretty tricky and hard. I have had a pattern in my life of choosing people who are emotionally unavailable and then working my butt off trying to get their attention (and also losing my core in the process).

      Like–”Hey, here I am! Notice me! Aren’t I awesome?” (note need for approval and love from the outside in . . .)

      Of course, I was replicating a core relationship in my family–and this is my biggest life lesson (see my earlier blog on TDL called THE ART OF STARVING)–a lesson which I had to repeat over and over until I finally had to leave these relationships and begin to care for MYSELF and LOVE MYSELF enough to require more from my connections to others. We cannot work hard enough to get the attention of these people who are unavailable; we can only raise our own standards and learn self-love. and, when we love ourselves, we call in new kinds of relationships (this could even be with your current spouse!) that serve our next level of lessons.–at least that has been my experience.

      Why not plan an amazing evening for yourself and invite your husband to go along? If he chooses not to–it’s not about you–take yourself out, celebrate your self-love, savor every moment, and buy yourself something amazing to celebrate your capacity for BIG LOVE! (I bought myself an amazing ring when I decided to “marry myself”).

      Blessings to you.

      Dana

      • Anne

        Thank you Dana for sharing – I appreciate your feedback. Iam still trying to work out what earlier relationship it is that I am replicating…it is not obvious to me although there are a few that I need to put some thought into. Loving myself is key here….I’m working on it! I almost feel like I have feet in different camps with one in my “old” familiar world and one in my new world of self love and increasing awareness….I haven’t stepped fully into the new one as yet as, even though I probably don’t like to admit it, the fear of loss of my current comfortable life is major. Thank you again xx

        • danalynnecurry

          Blessings on your journey–you are stronger than you may imagine! The Universe is on your side!
          xxoxoxoxDana

          • Anne

            Thanks Dana, I just re-read “the art of starving” and can relate on so many levels. I am so lucky to have TDL community in my life. Blessings and gratitude to you also. Xxxx