The ULTIMATE healthy body and weight loss component!

mk_treesSo, if you have been reading TDL for any amount of time you know that I am on a constant mission to get in better shape and lose the belly fat.

It’s a process.

But the good news, as I have blogged about, is that I have taken massive leaps forward towards getting all processed sugar, agave, coconut sugar, etc. out of my diet. This is a life-long addiction that I have struggled with. I’ve kicked cocaine; sugar is harder – because it’s acceptable.

When I was meeting with my Chinese medicine doctor, she told me that no amount of exercise or diet will ever keep me at a healthy weight if I hate myself and my belly fat.

But there is one key component that will.

What is it?


I know, I didn’t want to hear it either. I was so tired of hearing that you have to “love yourself” to your ideal weight. It’s like one of those silly clichés that I’m sick of hearing, because I hear it ALL the time.

So on my way to an event that I was going to later that night I thought about a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a while. She lost A LOT of weight really quickly and got down to like 3-5% body fat.  She was always my idol in this way.

Knowing what I know about this person, I’m pretty sure she didn’t love herself. So I decided that my Chinese doc was full of it and I didn’t want to pay attention to this cliché.

Well, when I arrived at the event I was going to, my friend was there. And – she had put on all the weight again. In fact, she had put on even MORE weight than when she was at her heaviest.

And it was almost like The Divine was saying to me, “You are right, she didn’t love herself and so, she didn’t keep the weight off.”

And the words of my Chinese medicine doctor rang true – you can’t keep weight off “sustainably” without self-love.

And from that moment forward, I got it – time to LOVE the belly fat.

So, what to do? Well, every time I’m feeling like I’m “fat” or not loving that part of my body, I stop and send LOVE down there.

As I was doing this the other day, I had a flash back to when I was 5 or 6 and trying on some clothes I REALLY wanted to wear in a department store.

But – they didn’t fit. In fact, they didn’t have any clothes that fit me in the store.

I got SO angry. I was mad at myself. I didn’t understand why I was so weird, that I couldn’t be like everyone else.

And in that moment, my self-hate started. And it’s stayed with me ever since.

And now, 26 years later, I am face to face with it and trying my best – one day at a time – to Love myself and the parts of myself that I don’t.

What’s so cool is that when I do send Love down there, my anxiety chills. And those food cravings that I’m so used to chill, too. Why? I’m not totally sure, but it seems like that self-hate is stressful and that has been fueling the cycle of overeating.

So, inject a little self-love – and that goes away. It’s a new practice, but something I am now looking forward to doing.

I’m EXCITED to see what doing this and keeping the sugar out will manifest in my life. It’s unknown territory that I am eager to explore.

Where can your life use a little self-love?

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!




Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

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  • Nicoleta

    There is a good point that I believe, needs to be expanded: clothes in shops that make us hate ourselves. For whom are those clothes designed anyway? Why is it that if I don’t fit in a piece of cloth somebody produces on certain measurements (the average ones?!) that means that I am not good enough to wear them?

  • ituderevolution

    Oh Mastin, spot on! Traditional weight management methods only treat symptoms. There is always an underlying emotional reason for overeating, overtraining or severe calorie restriction. And only self love – fierce, wholly worthy, radical self love – can treat the cause.

  • Christine

    Thank you so much for sharing this Mastin. For me the self hatred began when I was around 11 and my older brother started teasing me about how fat I was. At the time I was skinny as a rail but I idolized him and so his words cut through me like a knife. I started to believe him and began to binge on ice cream and cans of frosting whenever I felt sad which inevitably lead to weight gain. I wasn’t able to begin loving myself until this year…32 years later! I still have a ways to go but you and the others on this site are making a huge difference in my life. Please keep up the amazing work you are doing because simply put, it matters so much!

    P.S. I think you are beautiful inside and out 🙂

  • Johanna

    Learning to love what is or accept ‘what is’ allows you to BE with what is. Patience is allowing yourself to be with what is. If you think your belly is unacceptable, you are kind of saying you can’t be with it. When are able to be with what is, you recognize new ideas, new desires that allow change. You never saw these possibilities before because you were never able to “be there.” You can’t see what you’re not there to see. Ironically, I think the more patient we are, the faster things transform. “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast” Much love!

  • Last night I went to a beautiful wedding out in Santa Margarita. I broke down in tears as I listened to the bride’s dad, toasting to his new son-n-law. My tears were not of joy; they were of envy. My dear friend (who was sitting beside me) looked at me, hugged me, and knew exactly what I was thinking. My father NEVER accepted any man (especially my husband) in my life because of his lack of “self-love.” As much as I KNOW this to be the truth, I do find myself (from time to time), feeling sorry for myself. Being yet again…a victim. I started to water the weeds and get deeper into my story, and then I remembered…to love myself. (That’s a novel idea…LOL). I took a deep breath in and knew that my “so-called” challenges are HERE for my spiritual growth. Grooming me, to be…what I want to see in this world. Grooming me to… accept myself completely. Forever and even then… Happy Mother’s Day!
    The Daily Commenter,

    • So inspiring Kathleen! Like the sun and the moon and the stars….. SHINE ON!

  • Beatrice

    Now, maybe you’re exaggerating, but the minimal essential body fat percent for a healthy woman is 10%. Your friend didn’t regain the weight because she doesn’t “love herself” enough —she regained it because her body had absolutely no desire to be sick with thinness.
    Even the desire to be so thin, or to have a perfectly flat stomach, these are based on some random rules of current western culture. I agree that loving your body as it is today is important, but equally important I think is listening to it…what does your body consider to be full when eating? What clothes feel good and are comfortable? What exercise leaves you energized?
    I’m not just talking out my bum with this stuff, I’m working very hard at this right now following the principles in Intuitive Eating. After so many years of obsessing about the effects of every bite of food, just (re)learning when I’m hungry, when I’m full, and what I really want to eat without freaking over what could happen to my body if I don’t follow a rigid set of rules is one of he hardest things I’ve done in a long time!

  • Lynda

    Love notes to parts of self:

    “Dear BELLY FAT, Thank you for loving me, by storing away the excess food energy and toxins that needed to get out of my bloodstream. You saved my life and it’s time to love you back.”

    “Dear EMOTIONAL SELF, Thank you for protecting me from an overload of stresses and negative thoughts, by seeking to numb-out. It is time for me to show you love in all circumstances, so there is no need to numb.”

    “Dear MIND, Thank you for protecting me from “lack of love” by trying to fix myself earn love. Have you noticed that when we become what a hater wants, they still hate us? Conditional love is superficial and controlling, so let’s stop trying to earn it. Your new task is to believe that I am always worthy of love, and seek the unconditional love that is freely given. Forgive and release the rest.”

    “Dear SPIRIT of mine, You are my center, and I am sorry I’ve neglected you. Thank you for staying protected, healthy, and being my safe place. You interface with the Spirit of God, and I feel unconditional love and acceptance when I spend time with you. Your perspective shines a compassionate light on unloving behaviors. My greatest good is to love and be loved”

  • Jen

    Hi Mastin! My name is Jen and my page is (I can’t seem to leave a note as me, so there you go ;). I just want to say that for sure it all comes back to loving what is, right now. That also seems so cliche but it’s all we have. If we are constantly in the “when, thens” we aren’t even present for the right here, right nows. if we can be right here right now with full acceptance and awareness (a practice), we can easily hear what our body is asking for and we can easily give without looking outside of ourselves for answers. Essentially, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Our bodies are brilliant and constantly striving to bring us back into balanced wellness. Healing is possible and you already know how. I can say for sure it’s not about deprivation of any kind. Saying we’re not having things, just makes us move towards them. I believe it’s about saying nothing is off limits and “adding in” amazingly healthy foods and practices and allowing those to easily lessen and eventually crowd out any other things we label as “bad” foods. I for one have been there with the sugar. I still eat sweets, as it turns out sparingly in comparison to my past, however, I love them and love me when I’m eating them! I’m just so aware now. I make my own chocolate so I know exactly what’s in it and if/when I eat sweets, they are healthy (for me. we are all different and need to find what works for us :). I’m sending you love for you loving you!!!

  • JenB

    I love you Mastin Kipp!

  • Aurora Lacey

    Wow! This is a great post. This message rings so true to me. I’ve recently started to realize that the more I “hate” something about myself the worse it gets! And then I end up hating it more and more. It’s a terrible cycle. Thank you for this reminder to be kind and loving towards ourselves!

  • Gina

    Thank you for saying true statements. I love this site and all you do!

  • Honest as always Mastin x

  • Leslie

    I remember my 100 lb mother taking me a girl to the husky dept to buy jeans from the boy section and at 40 years old reading this I realize that that’s when my self hatred began. I weigh almost 300 lbs and no diet has ever been sustainable. I have to learn to love my fat? Oh me! I also have beat an alcohol addiction for 3 years and you’re right sugar is harder. I want it but I know if I got it without self love it wouldn’t last. I need to learn this because I don’t want to die today. I want to live abundantly in all areas. Please send me lots of Love and Light.

  • Nina

    Yep. Not only do you have to love yourself, belly fat and all, but you have to acknowledge why it is there and thank it for its service. It is most likely serving you in some way. It is the proverbial wall that protects you from something. I have it, too. Even still, you have to BELIEVE that you CAN lose the weight and DESERVE to be healthy. If you don’t have faith in yourself, you’ll never get there. The more stressed out and negative you are, the more your body will work against you, releasing cortisol and all of that. All of these things come into play if you want to be sustainably healthy and fit.

    Much love,


  • Jen

    Love this blog Mastin…it hits very close to home. I am struggling to love my belly fat and myself just as I am. I am so disciplined about my workout, but my belly fat is still there…me thinks the missing ingredient is in my brainwaves and the critical thoughts I am constantly thinking about my waistline!! I vow to replace criticism with more love!!