The truth of humanity, and how we are all just here in this life trying to make it the best that we can, has been on my mind lately. How fragile life is, how painful it can be, how we are all really the same deep down. And also how beautiful it is, how marvelous it can be, and how love is truly what we are all seeking. Love, acceptance, joy, peace. Happiness.
And yet life can be really hard. It can hurt us and make us curl into a ball and cry our eyes out. It can pull the rug right out from under us and drop us to the floor. That is what being human is (and it ain’t easy!!!)- it’s all a mixture of emotions. Sometimes you will feel open, and amazed and delighted, and other times you will feel closed, hurt and disappointed. And sometimes you will feel all of these at once, because happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive. Welcome to the complexity of being alive.
What inspired me to write this for you today was a very touching email I received from one of my clients. We had had a session the day before, and it was a very productive session in terms of speaking her dreams out loud, getting clear on what she really wants to create in this new year, and looking at the blocks that are getting in her way- both “physical world” and emotional blocks, and taking steps towards working through and past them. Towards the end, I shared a recent story of my own, which involved somewhat of a breakup. It was painful, not only just because a connection that I had been enjoying ended, but because it made me realize that I still had hidden limiting beliefs that I was buying into regarding my worth and value as a partner. (Great to bring forward, but painful nonetheless). I shared this because I’m always open with my clients, and I was giving her an example of something I was explaining.
Anyway, her email was just so beautiful, thanking me for being so open and authentic about a challenge of mine because it helped her to be “more open and honest and allowed her to accept and expand into more of who she really is- flaws and all.” She didn’t thank me for all of the coaching I had done (though I know she appreciated that too), but for the two minutes I shared a struggle of mine- she thanked me for showing my own humanity and courage to walk through a challenge and learn from it.
Wow. That acknowledgment is just so powerful for me. I have always loved sharing my own journey very openly with others, but when I first became a coach, I wasn’t confident because I didn’t “know” enough. I didn’t have it all figured out; I didn’t always know the “answer,” and I wasn’t sure I knew how to guide others to theirs. As I’ve worked and grown in my own life, I now have gained that confidence, but it’s so amazing to know that that isn’t what people always need. Sometimes it’s to have someone show them that it’s ok to not be “perfect” (which doesn’t even exist). Sometimes it’s a reminder that we are all human and struggling in our own ways, and we are all in it together. Sometimes it’s someone to be vulnerable and share his/her pain so that another person doesn’t feel so alone.
I encourage you, as you go throughout your day, to remember this. Remember how we all laugh, we all smile, we all cry, and we all hurt. The woman who smiled at you in the grocery store might have spent the night screaming into her pillow. The man who you cut off in traffic because you are in a hurry might have just lost his wife. We never know. So extend kindness, love, a listening ear, or share a challenge of your own with someone. You may just help another human to accept and love him/herself just a bit more. Remember that deep down, we are all the same. Who can you inspire today?
With love and openness,
Erinn Alissa Selkis is a health and wellness counselor who compassionately supports her clients to improve all aspects of their lives through nutrition and personal growth. She also works with women to help them discover and live into their femininity and sensuality. Check out her coaching website at http://www.erinnselkis.com.