There is someone in my life who drives me absolutely batty. He seems to instinctually know which of my buttons to push to make me angry. If I were to create a comic book and write myself as the hero, this guy would be my arch nemesis. I am trying my best to love my enemy, but so far I’m not having much success. If I could just remove him from my life, I would. Unfortunately, I work with him. I love my job more than I dislike him, so for now the thorn in my side remains.
This week I reviewed one of his reports, and he used the word “enumerate” several times but didn’t use it correctly. It’s not very often I actually get the chance to say, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. ” So I did, and he didn’t react well. I honestly just thought he didn’t know the meaning of the word, but my attempt to correct him caused the emotional equivalent of World War III. He threw a temper tantrum like I haven’t seen since I worked in day care and dealt with two-year-olds.
His behavior was so unreasonable and out of control that it triggered my anger. I thought, “How irritating! What kind of horrible person can’t take criticism?!” Then I proceeded to get angry with myself for being angry. I have unreasonably high expectations for myself. I feel like I should be the master of my own emotions, completely in control, never getting angry or upset. So the reminder that I’m not perfect made me even more upset than I was before.
Do you see where I’m going with this yet?
I eventually realized that the thing I don’t like about this person is the same thing I don’t like about myself. It drives me crazy that he thinks he’s perfect when he’s so obviously not . . . but at the same time, it hurts my ego when I am reminded that I’m not a completely enlightened human being. I was angry at my own flaws, just as he was.
Simply bringing that awareness to the situation was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds after a storm. I felt better immediately and now I find myself grateful for the opportunity to learn something new about myself.
I used to think that to love someone you had to find something good about them, something loveable, and I still haven’t found a single redeeming quality about this person. However, what I am learning from this experience is that love is so much bigger than that! Love doesn’t need a reason to love. It just does. I’m hoping that gratitude counts as a form of love because that’s the best I can do right now. I still don’t like him, but at least I can be thankful to him for being a valuable spiritual teacher.
He is not my teacher because he’s trying to be helpful – he’s my teacher because I’ve made the decision to pay more attention to what triggers my anger. I know this sounds nuts, but I’m actually kind of excited to find out what my next trigger is so I can learn something else! I’m looking forward to it! I’m trigger happy, if you will. So bring it on, my nemesis. Give me your best shot.
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Jillian is a philosopher, comedienne, and not-yet-published author. Her mild-mannered alter ego has infiltrated the corporate world as an application security consultant.
Links: http://www.jillianratliff.com
Twitter: @jillians2cents
