I miscarried, I suffered from the loss, and I began to feel that the love for a child, for a baby, wasn’t meant for me. They were dark days, they were full of sadness and mourning, as I lost three babies in a year. I’d been pregnant for a years time, and I had no baby to hold in my arms.
Years later, I realize that love finds us in different ways. To become a mother, to find the love for and from a child, I was destined to adopt.
I’ve thought at length about the adoption process since then, as I’ve heard people make comments about “adopted children”, and as I’ve listened to the fears that women and men express to me about loving a child who is “not your own” .
How can you know you’ll love the child? What if you don’t?
I don’t have a miracle response to that. I was called, and I listened. I didn’t fear, and I didn’t doubt. My son came from a country that could have given us a lifetime of concerns and challenges. Fetal alcohol syndrome, contagious disease, malnourishment. It all played a part.
My heart and my love never wavered. I didn’t fear love. I didn’t fear the consequences of adopting a child from another mother, from another land. I trusted.
Nothing is perfect in love. My parents raised four healthy girls and we’re not perfect. Their life wasn’t perfect in raising us. My sisters have raised boys and they weren’t perfect. None of us are. Genes play a part, but even the most healthy genes can create issues. Complexities. Challenges.
I looked at my life. I looked at my husband’s life. We’ve created our lives from whole cloth. We moved forward. We knew our parents loved us. That was what mattered.
We moved ahead with adoption, against the reservations of friends. We made the leap and we believed.
Today, years later, he’s handsome. He’s smart, and funny and musical. He’s empathetic, and strong, and he loves his mother and father. He’s our son.
I say, go for love. Grab love. Believe in the power of love. Follow your heart. Trust the voices in your head, and your soul.
Whether that love is for a son or daughter you have yet to meet, or the man or woman you have not let in, trust your river of truth. Trust the voice within you that knows.
The wisdom is there. I sometimes look back on that decision, and I wonder, how did I do it? How did I know? And how did my husband join me in that river of love?
The answers are within. And sometimes, we just need to make the leap.
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Holli Thompson is the founder of www.NutritionalStyle.com, and creator of the popular virtual program, Cleanse with Style. She is a media personality, author, speaker and nutrition coach and currently writing a book due to be published in early 2013.
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