What happens when you can’t let go of something or someone?
We all have the tools by now. Knowing them doesn’t always help. We have to put the tools into practice. Otherwise they are useless. We can own a hammer and still have never hung a picture on a wall. In order for any tool to work you actually have to use it. The hammer will work if you bang it on the wall. It won’t work if it just sits there.
What are some miracle tools we have in our kit?
Let’s say you are addicted to something. It could be a thing, a feeling, a way of living or a person.
What is the best way to quit something? There are a few different options.
The slow fade: You gradually decrease the amount of time and energy you previously gave that person/thing until it becomes a distant memory in your not so distant past.
Cold turkey: You cut off all contact, connection and communication with that person/thing. Sometimes that is the hardest and the most necessary.
Wobbler: You continue to delude yourself into thinking this person or thing is actually healthy for you. You believe it won’t affect you. You can change the thing or individual and it/they will come around. You continue in the slow dull pain of the life you’ve been living because you are used to living a certain way. That doesn’t mean it’s been a good way. Like Mastin says …you end up with what you put up with. If you settle for scraps then there is no one to complain about it except you. We all know you deserve better. Don’t settle for average or below average when you can have it all.
Forgiveness: That is the one of the tools right there. Yep. The F word again. I probably hate to hear it more than anyone because I feel as though I’ve forgiven everyone else. Oh wait … that still leaves me. Hmmm. Guess I still have to forgive myself. Sometimes it’s easier to forgive the other person and not yourself because maybe you should have known better to start with. You are smart. You see the red flags. You can sense something smells downright …smelly. Yet you are still there. You are still standing face on with the one thing that’s holding you back. Is that person you? Are you the one holding yourself back from moving forward? Are you holding onto something or someone when you know you need to let go?
Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for knowing better and not listening. Forgive yourself for ignoring the opinions of your close friends, therapists, family, strangers and animals. Forgive yourself for making the same mistake twice. Mistakes are NOT bad. That’s how we learn sometimes. Notice the ones that are on repetition in your life.
Forgive yourself for being so damn hard on yourself. Really … please let it go! You deserve to be happy more that you may feel like you do.
Now is the best time to forgive yourself.
You may have missed the red flags and missiles exploding in front of your face the first time and possibly the second time.
Here is the BEST news ever: you can see clearly now. Use the awareness of clarity to guide you through each day to make different choices.
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Lisa Bojarski is a writer and stylist. Check out her site here.