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Repectfully, I hear this message and I want to be able to heal and thrive but I find I can not forgive there are many reasons but mainly due to the fact that there was/is no remorse or regret by those that hurt me. I feel they are unworthy of my compassion and I shall leave the decision of forgive to a higher power…and I am not sure he will forgive them either.
I have always been afraid of critisism. So much so, that I was an overachiever at work almost to the point of burnout – hoping to hear how great of a job I was doing from the boss. I participated socially as little as possible or made sure that the people I did choose as my friends were the quiet, non-opinionated, non-judgmental type. I was always questioning myself – “am I doing this right or the way “they” want me to?” I feared that if someone said something critical of me, then what they said might actually be true and sometimes, that can be devastating.
So, to overcome my fear, I began to push myself to participate in life more. I left my job, went back to school, do some volunteer work and in surrounding myself with all types of people and personalities, and ‘practicing’ self-love and acceptance, I finally came to understand what Eleanor Roosevelt said ” “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I had a huge inferiority complex! If someone made any type of negative comment – it was true because that is what I already believed about myself. I consented to allowing myself to feel inferior.
Now, I could walk into a room full of the critical judgmental types (not that I would want to), and walk away without ever once believing whatever opinion they came up with about me.
This is still something I struggle with from time to time, but I think the key for me has been “putting myself out there” – that was scary, but in doing so, I slowly but surely grew and learned to have more confidence in myself as I ‘overcame’ each negative interaction.
I have had a life full of hardships, because I was an addict for 30 years. It all started because of a need to fit in somewhere. But 6 years ago my dad died suddenly and it brought me to my knees. I became very aware that my dad could now see just how bad my life choices were. It’s funny that I thought he didn’t see it before, everyone saw it. As I think back I realize that God was telling me He would love me through this. I just neeed to trust in Him. At that time it was super hard to believe that I had anything in my life to be grateful for, but the fact that I was still alive was a small miracle in it self. I started a gratitude journal and it opened my eyes to all the things I needed to give thanks for. I know there are alot of people that struggle with addiction, but there is light at the end of that tunnel. I’m not going to tell you it was easy, but you can make it through.
Always remember that there is a higher power that will guide you and love you through this. You learn to look at your life through different eyes. Today I am grateful for so much, the fact that I can share my failures in a forum like this and not worry that I will be judged is a huge blessing.
Thank you for sharing. I must admit that I have difficulty allowing myself to receive love. I have learned to accept and agree that forgiveness is freedom and it has more to do with you than the person or persons imposing the injustice upon you. Life is letting go, death is holding on.
Unconditional Zen Love and Gratitude
@ AST: With all due respect, the forgiveness you extend to the one(s) who hurt you, will end up healing you, not them. You cannot control how others feel and act. But you can control how you feel and how you deal with any situation. Forgiving others will free you from resentment; this should be your goal… When you are free from resentment you will be and feel free to allow yourself to open your door again. When you hold on to resentment you continue to carry feelings and thoughts that will continually play in your mind, taking away your ability to enjoy the life around you.
Forgiveness is a choice. And sometimes choices are difficult to make because they hurt. The higher power asks us to forgive here and now. He (She) will take care of the rest. Especially if that which hurt you was betrayal… (As it was my experience…) I pray your spirit wil find the peace you’re craving and longing for, here and now. Blessings.
That’s very encouraging. Thank you. I battle with forgiveness everyday. Sometimes I say I forgive the person but still tend to think about what they did to me and then find myself getting frustrated and upset again. In wondering if that means I truely didn’t forgive. Idk.
I, too, have been fearful of letting love into my life. After 43 years in this life, almost 18 years of marriage, 2 children and a loving family, it has only been in the past few months that I truly understood what receiving love actually FEELS like. I could say the words, and was good at GIVING (agreed, a form of power), but terrible at receiving. There was a dark voice in my head that would always whisper the same response to someone’s expression of love for me….yeah right, you don’t get to have that.
It was only in learning to FORGIVE MYSELF, that I gained the freedom to receive. Forgiving MYSELF for beliefs that I created as a child that were not true, building evidence for and living out a story that wasn’t true for all these years. There is no one else to forgive, for everyone else is just playing out their beliefs.
With the practice of forgiveness and gratitude I am able to heal, then feel extraordinary love for myself (which is the Uni-versal love), then allow that to flow out to the rest of the world….then receiving becomes part of the natural flow that is the truth of love.
Very informative posts…Give and Forgive…and Let go! Kindly, Tiffany
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