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What Are You Sharing Today?

Cathy Cassani AdamsDoes it feel easier to be negative sometimes? Or maybe more normal?

It seems more socially acceptable to share all of our problems rather than our joys. Or maybe it feels more comfortable to talk about difficulty rather than awesomeness.

Maybe it helps us fit in?

Maybe it’s a habit?

Not to say that it isn’t helpful to vent or talk about our challenges with those we trust (this is a common practice for me) – this is a necessary part of emotional wellness, a great way to release what we don’t need.

But when negativity is our go-to conversation, and when we only share what’s difficult, it seems to dull the air.  It seems to dull the senses.

What if we normalized sharing the good, too?  Not in a bragging, inauthentic, “I’m better than you” kind of way, but in a “yes, I’m feeling very thankful for this or that thank you for asking” kind of way.

And what if we could hear this, and allow it to inspire rather than make us feel less than?  What if we understood that in the big picture, these shared feelings of wellness benefit all of us?

The other day I ordered coffee and the woman who rang me up said, “You are just a little too chipper today, aren’t you?”

So I pondered the question.

Yes, I could dull out and tell her how things are hard, or that I have a headache, or that I am running behind, or all the other things that create a more typical conversation.

I have an inner 7th grade self that would prefer to do this – she is on high alert when someone appears annoyed – she worries that she won’t be liked or will be misunderstood.  She learned to protect herself by focusing on things that suck – this is how she fit in, this is how she stayed safe.

But I’m not 12 anymore, I’m 41. And all of my life challenges have taught me one thing:

I’m grateful to be here. 

I don’t have a perfect life, nobody does, but every moment can feel pretty good when I am present for it.  And when a moment doesn’t feel good, I know it’s mine to work on or mine to view in a different way.  The feeling of the moment is always my decision.

So I answered her by saying, “I just feel really good right now.”

And she smiled.

Love,

Cathy

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Cathy Cassani Adams, LCSW, CPC, is the author of The Self-Aware Parent, the host of Zen Parenting Radio, a columnist for Chicago Parent Magazine, and a blogger for Chicago Now. She’s a self-awareness teacher and yoga instructor in her community, and she teaches in the Sociology Department at Dominican University.

Find Cathy on Facebook (The Self-Aware Parent or Zen Parenting Radio) and on Twitter (@selfawareparent or @zenparenting) and on her website www.cathycadams.com.

 

  • Erika

    Yes! I’ve noticed how often people just expect you to commiserate instead of honestly expressing how you feel – joyful, excited, tired, cranky, whatever. Like there’s some sort of expectation of dissatisfaction. Thank you for articulating this in blog form. :)

    • Cathy

      Erika – I like the way you said that -”like there’s some sort of expectation of dissatisfaction” – it’s too common, isn’t it? Thanks for your kind comment!

  • Annie

    Cathy, thank you for this wonderful reminder to be in AWE of our humanity! If more of us could feel, express and emanate the energy of awe on a daily basis, then our world would be uplifted immediately… Much LOVE, Annie

    • Cathy

      love you Annie – glad I have someone like you to share my “awe” with!

  • http://www.facebook.com/todd.adams.92798 Todd Adams

    You are chipper most often and that’s why I’m glad you’re around.

    • Cathy

      you are chipper, too – you rock. xoxoxoox

  • Mindfulness-The Next Chapter

    Hi Carly,

    I can’t thank you enough from the depths of my heart. Your blog says it simply how we should visualize & act in life! I too am guilty of being like this. Even though my negativity was due to extreme external reasons, to which I nearly unnecessarily explained, I paused……..No that was in my past & that is where it henceforth forever stay as I am here right now in the moment. All it would have done was bring forth the “monkey mind” within me. I say to me I promise the, “I am embracing & honouring the new me”.

    This evening whilst I was at my Friday night dance class I encountered a woman who said to another, “people don’t change”, I smiled as I looked at her with my newfound mindset & thought “No you can’t & won’t change as you are allowing negativity to manifest exponentially from within as you have pre-programmed your mind so”. The mind is a fickle thing? You have to wholeheartedly want to embrace this change & act accordingly in the correct manner to be able to fully embrace this positive transformation that is vital to become the person we so desire to be. It’s is when we have a moment of clarity like this, I know I have truly turned a page & am in the next chapter in the book “The Life Of David”.

    Eternally grateful & henceforth forever humbled, Thank you to she who has an amazing soul & is a teacher as I am a student on the true path of enlightenment.

    Namaste..

    • Cathy

      Thank you for sharing your story and your lovely-ness! :)

  • Soco10

    I tend to be a negative person and I so badly want to change. I want to see the positive in things and shake the negative. But I don’t know how to do it. I talk about the negative aspects of my life way too much. I think I bore my friends with it. I feel like by venting to someone about these negative things I am helping myself work through them as well as being open to suggestions from them on how to handle these situations. I want to stop doing this and become more positive focused. I don’t know how to do it. I want the positive things around me and in my life to become my focus.

    • Cathy

      thanks for sharing, and I agree, it can be hard. It’s so normal to share the negative, it’s so common in our culture. The first step is awareness (and you already sound aware) – that leads to making a different choice – maybe not all the time, but every once in awhile just choosing to not “dump” our problems, but instead listen, or comment on something that is working. The small steps lead to the big change. :)

  • Osage Dior

    Thank you. This was an awesome message. I truly appreciate it. Look for the positive. Or try to find the positive way to deal with something.

    • Cathy

      Yes, we always have a choice – thanks for your comment, Osage. :)

  • petson

    hi pals…………………….