What if being rejected is the best thing that could happen to you?

To listen to the audio version of this blog, click here.

I haven’t really written about rejection in a while. It’s one of those Uni-versal themes that needs to be written about time and time again. Why?

‘Cuz it pretty much happens every single day in our lives. We are either experiencing rejection from someone else OR we are rejecting ourselves.

Hear me when I say: REJECTION is mostly a myth.

Why is this? Well… if you’ve been reading TDL for a while, you know that there is only ONE THING we can control and that is… the MEANING that we give the events of our life. EXACTLY.

So that means, when it comes to “rejection” we get to label it. We get to call it what it is. We get to make it mean what we want it to mean because we ARE the co-creators of our reality.

This doesn’t mean that is doesn’t suck when you don’t get what you want. It also doesn’t mean that breaking up, or not getting the person, job or opportunity you REALLY desired doesn’t hurt. I’m not asking you to become a non-human. However, what I am suggesting is that you CAN decide what it means.

Many times when people experience rejection they make it mean something about themselves. They’ll say, “I’m not good enough,” “something’s wrong with me,” “If I were different then they would like me,” etc., etc., etc…

THAT is where we get to make a new choice. We can’t change the way we feel immediately, but we CAN decide what experiencing rejection MEANS. And as a result we can change the direction of our lives for the better.

I’ve been rejected PLENTY! And for a long time I made it mean that there was something wrong with ME. That I’m not good enough. That I’ll NEVER find LOVE or success or any of the things I wanted. And then I got wise. I realized I had this power of meaning in my life and so I started to use it. And I stopped taking other people’s decisions personally and my life began to change. I stopped living for THEM and started living for ME. It was awesome.

The reality is that not everyone is going to like you. And not getting with someone that you REALLY want to get with is actually GRACE in action. I PROMISE you that over time, you will see what I’m talking about. One year, five years, ten years down the line you’ll see the decisions and actions made by those you didn’t sync with and be GRATEFUL that things turned out the way that they did! I PROMISE!

So, in your life – have you been “rejected” lately? And if so, what did you make that mean about yourself? I know it hurts and it will for a while – this too will pass. But what did you make the rejection MEAN about yourself? Did you make it mean something negative about you? Or did you just take it as GRACE and move on? The action always happens in the comments! Leave a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going + The TDL Community is here to support you! Remember THAT!



# # #

Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

  • Ksplash5

    what did i make that rejection mean about myself?  a lot.  I felt that I was duped, had a sign on my forehead that said “idiot”.  I was afraid that once she got to know me more then she didn’t like what she saw and rejected that.  But i’m coming to find that it was all about her and her issues and perhaps even addiction.  But still i don’t want to accept that…I want her to say “baby come back”….

  • Ksplash5

    well it wasn’t all about “her issues”…..I believed her when she said it was all my fault…but now i know that is not true.   Her rejection of me had a lot to do with her….

  • Kellyjob72

    Oh so timely and not to mention helpful. I just had what I thought last night was a terrible event because my on again off again friend expressed that he doesn’t need to talk to me everyday! What, and then he accused me of trying to control him which far from the truth. So after haiving a serios meltdown last night I’m so pleased to have just read this. HIS LOSS, and this truly a blessing that I wasn’t even looking at that. So thank you! I may be slightly sad for the time wasted but I’lll get over it, QUICK!

  • Eva

    I have been rejected today.
    I got the invitation to be a figurant in a TV serie, but I didn’t made it to the set.
    Yesterday I was told on the phone that I would receive a text containing the adres, etcetera, but I didn’t received any text.
    Bottom line…, I did not find the set and automatically I did not get paid, though I really needed the money.
    I cried as I was on my way home in the bus.
    I didn’t blame myself or anyone else,
    I was just clueless of what lesson I should learn from this rejection, during being lost and now being on my way home.
    It was an awful experience, but I believe that the experience that I would gain at the set and the money that I would receive probably wasn’t worth me.
    I do believe that my acting skills are much more worth than to play a figurant.
    So, my meaning I give to this experience is helpful, it has been helpful for me to be my own support, to give myself the freedom to express myself, to let my emotions flow and to let myself know that the reason why I got lost and just couldn’t find the adres is a very good reason from the Universe itself.

    Greetings of peace,

  • Lilly

    Desolation. It feels like someone has flicked off the switch that illuminates your soul. I know I have to be the one to turn that switch back on, but will now hide and guard it.

  • Mindbodymentalhealth

    Hi Mastin! Thanks as usual. Two questions…1. Wondering if you can expand upon the tools you used in order to go from point A (personalizing rejection) and point B (choosing the meaning of the rejection. It’s one thing to realize that making a CHOICE serves us better, but as creatures of habit and as humans with vulnerable psyches set amidst the backdrop of all kinds of contexts, how would you begin to go from rejection to perceived rejection? It would be awesome if you could maybe list some actual tools along with the theory and ideal you eloquently provide! 2. How exactly does one cultivate patience if we need to wait five or ten years to see how said rejection was actually a gift? Can you provide the TDL community with ways to cultivate patience? For some, just getting through a day while holding the hope is painstaking.
    Thank you very much.

    •  I’ll think about this and see what comes up! could write books on it lol

    • “You need love to get clarity, not clarity to get love. When you are willing to choose love, clarity will follow.” This quote by my mentor, Cinnamon Lofton (Author of Here, Now), has taken me a long time to really get.  Claim your birthright dear one and remember that you are 100% love. YOU ARE ENOUGH even when you are creating confusion and impatience.  The mind is the master of confusion. STEP ASIDE! Patience is a choice.  Just do it in this moment and then the next moment, and then the next. “How?” you may still be asking. “The difference between thriving and surviving is found in the breath. BREATH NOW.”   CL.  This is soooo true. Often when I am confusing myself, I breathe in deeply and wisdom presents itself.  You KNOW the answers to your question. Practice and you will see for yourself that it is THAT Simple.  butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/

  • Smileneyez

    Perfect timing like usual. Yesterday I confronted the man I had already miscarried one child with and was planning to try for another child about his actions not matching up with his words. He lives me and is planning to have a child with me but isn’t sleeping at home some nights and can’t respond to texts. His reaction upon being confronted was enough to confirm a guilty conscience. And yet he managed to turn it around on me that I’m psycho and trying to control him.so now not only have I recently lost our unborn child but him as well. The pain has me near suicidal but the truth is the universe is protecting me from a life long mistake. So hard to remember this through the tears though.

  • zengirl81

    Over the years I am finally getting this. Rejection in life can be a gift. It hurts like hell when it happens and I have shed many tears and pouted a lot. However it was my latest rejection that I realized I had turned a major corner in how I saw rejection. The story :I did not get a promotion at work that I was very qualified for and even scored the highest on the placement exams. #2 got the promotion. There is much more to the story however after not getting what I thought I wanted I was going to go through my usual pouting, ranting life is so unfair poor me story, when I thought “wait this is an amazing blessing” I get to stay in a job I love and not have nearly as many stresses. So I let go of all the drama and said “yay for me – life is good” So now the part where is gets miraculous and grace filled. 2 months later another promotion opportunity came up. After much angst ( since the drama talk still exists – I just have learned to be honest with that) I applied for the job – guess what? I got it! A better promotion much more coveted I suppose and more importantly I realized that this job was the one I was destined to do…I realized had I sat in my poor me drama I would never have seen how amazing that rejection was! So I agree Mastin. Shifting perception is huge – how did I do it? By doing my work everyday!! I meditate, journal and read TDL daily without fail. Yoga 3x’s a week and look for things of gratitude daily!
    All you do with TDL is changing my life and I recommend the practice to others 
    Thank you
    Rose Mary

  • hurtbutok

    Thank you Mastin! It’s just what I needed to read today.  I was deeply distraught yesterday because I was rejected at work.  For months, I’ve assumed that the people I worked with were genuine, only to realize that they REALLY don’t like me and are very frustrated with my job within their office.  The problem is though is that my job is 90% NON dependent on me.  All I do is submit applications, but I have to wait on an outside center to process them.  It takes a LOOOONNNNNGGGGG time, but due to no fault on me.  But they don’t understand that.  I know that what you say is true and I repeatedly had to remind myself of this very message, but I tell you…it really hurts to go through.  I’m wise enough to know now that the place I’m in right now is only temporary…I’m being prepared for greatness!!!

    •  yes! indeed! could this be a wake up call to start giving your gift to the world? :o)

  • Ema

    Thank you so much for this blog. This is just what I have been struggling with. I got out of one college and decided to study what I really love and want. It has been tough since I am trying to find a job to have money for scholarship and to live since that new college is in a different city then I am originally from. I have sent so many applications but have never heard from anyone. But I still keep doing it everyday and will do. I am also working on my carrer as a professional dancer and fitness trainer and that seems to be stagnant. But I will keeps pushing and won’t give up. I always remember this : Delay is not a denial. 😀

  • Just what I needed to read this morning.  I recently didn’t get the promotion at work I thought was a sure thing and the guy I’ve been crushing on just started dating someone else.  I’ve been feeling pretty down about it, but this has given me such renewed energy and a better outlook on everything!  

  • Guest

    It took me a long time coming out of a long-term relationship to even become interested in men. When I did, I started visiting someone I’d known for a long time but never had the chance to know well. When he set some boundaries I was disappointed at first, but now I realize I am getting the opportunity to really get to know him and understand what it means to be his friend. Whatever paths our lives take, I believe we will always have this loving connection as a base. That makes me feel good about myself and am more relaxed in our conversations and encounters.

    That doesn’t mean I don’t have desires, but I am better able to separate them from reality, or at least see how they relate to reality. Your article on this topic has supported my belief that rejection isn’t about my worth, but about how our souls can be more aware of the alignments we make with another. 

    Remember kd lang’s song “Constant Craving?” It’s not that I’ll stop “wanting,” but I can choose what place that has in my life a little better now.  Sometimes I expend that energy by dancing, walking, painting – all the things that lift me up – rather than diving into feeling rejected.

  • Rejection or reaction ? Whatever happens in our lives we have a choice in reaction – we can see it as universal protection – or rejection . What if  instead we saw it as growth, just like  the everyday growth of a tree  reaching for the sun ?  Growth of our souls , an invitation in fact to remain being the light and love we are , a moment when we are afforded a glimpse of the bigger purpose of our lives . We do not have any idea of future or how this moment of surprise , this moment of being able to detach from a desired outcome will serve us- this thing you decide is rejection ( oh yes you decide it and name it so ). A tree doesn’t know if the sun will shine, it simply keeps on growing and being a tree.  That’s what I  aim for -being love no matter what happens. Yes it can be hard  at first to rewire your brain  , but after awhile letting go of that struggle from naming something rejection – is pure freedom .  I could list a large number of moments in my life and tears shed from the fight between what I wanted and what was . The list gets me nowhere except stuck in the dark struggling . Light comes from letting go and putting your struggles down and seeing the beauty and  blessings  in the dark.  Yes we need more teachers teaching us how. I am not saying its easy but to let go of your ego – ” leggo my eggo” 🙂 – and  truly ‘let it be’ as The Beatles wrote , is the best place of all to be in your heart . 

    • Libby Eckhaus

      I love how you characterize this struggle as “the fight between what I wanted and what was.”  Abraham Lincoln once said: “most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

  • Jccrowheart

    I have dealt with the rejection of my husband’s affair recently and
    while I made it through the “aren’t I enough”phase, and into the “who are you?” Phase, I find
    that the meaning of it eludes me. Yes I’ve learned of the part I played in the marriage
    And his history. But it doesn’t make me feel better to find I’m married to someone
    With an entirely foreign set of values. I’m struggling. It is hard to feel ones own power
    when the person you live falls in live with someone else.

  • Dana

    Hey Mastin! 
    It’s Dana. Of course your blog was exactly what  needed this morning after receiving one of the most toxic, blaming, barfy emails I have ever received in my life!While I used to go deep into my shame when receiving such communication, and today I actually get to practice detachment, and realize that all the blaming is actually a projection onto me, and I don’t have to believe (or beLIeVE) it anymore; I don’t have to buy into someone else’s interpretation of my words, or actions anymore. It’s just not about me.Today, I am actually grateful for the pukey toxic email–reminds me where I’ve been and where I am now.Thanks, Universe!Lots of Love,[email protected]:disqus .com

    •  Yes Dana!! Yes! :o) Awesome insight!! u rock girl!

  • The power of choice!

  • Catherine

    Rejection! A state of mind, not a state of being…what if you
    change the way you look at it, and as Mastin said, look at it as GRACE, and not
    some sort of personal sentence upon ourselves, that we are not good enough, or
    we don’t measure up.  I have never
    written here before, but wanted to share something that I have been practicing
    (based on a book just read), when you feel rejected or bad about something or
    someone, for example the person we think we want chooses someone else, instead
    of internalizing it on to ourselves, that we are some sort of lesser mortal and
    walking around angry, simply bless that person or situation, and keep sending
    them blessings.  You will see that with
    practice you won’t harbour negative feelings…keep going you’ll see….I promise.

    • Allen Wang

      You’re Right, Catherine! Rejection is The State of Mind And State of Being And  So, We
      Experience Difficult Times And Hardships And Past Troubles In Our Past And In Spite
      of These Troubles We Don’t Even Care And Sometimes Make People Angry When We
      Talk About Divorce And Bad Relationships And For Instance, Sami Bought Pizza For D
      inner And I Wanted More But There’s No Seconds And I Feel Angry And Went To My
      Room And I Wish They Take It or Leave It And You Too, Feel Angry When Your Food
      is Taken Away From You And Never Had Chance To Have It! Oh, Well Life is Not Fair,
      Catherine! Too Bad Just Leave It Like That And Pretend You Don’t Want It! Fine!!!

  • WOW, right on track with you Mastin! I just posted a blog about my own self-rejection last night called, “WE ARE ALL SHINY LURES.”  I was once told by a clairvoyant, “HUMAN REJECTION IS GOD’S PROTECTION.”  I took that quote with me everywhere I went and it helped me so much as I started to drastically change my life.  My phone wasn’t ringing as often, and my friendships changed. It wasn’t easy. I was following my heart at it took major courage. It was sooooo worth it.  I have now met a whole new set of people that I am vibrationally aligned with AND I am helping the old friends who loved me through. My mentor has given me a Mantra, “THIS ONLY HAS THE MEANING I AM GIVING IT.”  It works as I go through my days of challenges, obstacles, and lessons. Thanks again for a “RAD” entry (I used to use that word too- maybe I will bring it back around.)  Love, Your Daily Commenter, Kathleen…  butterflymaiden7.blogspot.com/

    •  Awesome Kathleen! Both of those insights are HUGE and KEY! :o) So happy for you! So what is the next step?

  • This is so true! It’s very hard to see how rejection can make sense in the moment, but with hindsight, being rejected is exactly what I needed at the time. Even though it hurt; even though I felt awful for a while. Case in point:  I dated a guy who was 100% into creating a relationship with me. This went on hot and heavy for exactly 3 weeks and then…he dumped me. I wasn’t upset because I loved him (I didn’t), I was upset because I couldn’t figure out why/how he could be rejecting me! But it wasn’t ME at all. It was him. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t off my game for a while. His rejection really rocked me until I could find perspective. The even better part? If he hadn’t done what he did, I might never have met the amazing, wonderful and loving man I’m with now. The original guy’s rejection was a gift – it just didn’t look that way at the time.

    • Msalaza

      Your story is giving me hope:) . I went through the same with a guy resently. After 7 weeks of dating and him saying that he wanted a BF GF relationship, he said he wasn’t ready to date. I felt so hurst, confused and rejected as had no idea why he changed his mind or what happened. However, i really hope that my outcome is s great as yours and that I too will find a that better person in my life. Good luck to u.

      • I’m glad my story resonated with you! I wish you all the best as you find your way.

      • Alan Wang

        Hi, Msalaza! Your Comments Are So Nice And I Know, How You Feel About Be
        ing Rejected When You Date Your Boyfriend And I Too, Experience Difficult Li
        fe Like You And So We’re Even! Right? Good? Thank You, Miss Msalaza! We F
        eel The Same Way When We’re Being Rejected By Your Boyfriend And Myself
        And Of Course, It’s Not Too Late Turn Back And Restart Again And Again! Lif
        e is Sometimes Cruel And Feel Isolated And Betrayal of Trust By Your Boyfrie
        nd And Mine!! Oh, Well So Be It! Thanks! Date 03/8/2013 Time 5:40pm.

    • commander

      hi thanks for sharing. just get rejected a while ago and I am upset because I couldn’t figure out why/how could she reject me. you give me hope. I hope will find someone better.

  • Now What?

    Rejection to me was having coworkers I thought were trustworthy go behind my back to my boss while I was working 100 hour weeks and traveling a lot for work to tell him I wasn’t doing my job  and shouldn’t be promoted to the job I was promised.   It was more than not getting the new title  for the job I was already in reality already doing for several years.   It was about not talking to me about any concerns so we could work through them and instead  banning together for my demise.   After 15 years of hard work and dedication, it was a real blow.  How do a work in an atmosphere where I am not appreciated or looked down on?   I know I can learn from my new boss and it will take some of the load off of me, which is a all good.  But, I dread working with people that are only critical of me.   I know it is all about them,  I need to live for me and am trying.  Some days I am in the pit of despair and others I see this as a great opportunity to reinvent my life.  It has just taken so much out of me that it is hard to be all PollyAnna about it.  I know in the end, it will be a good thing for me, but right now, it just plain hurts – a lot.

  • This is another powerful area worthy of taking a deeper look. Some months ago a very close friend of almost 30 years rejected my presence at his home based purely on what his daughter’s requested of him. I viewed this as a gift since the friendship hadn’t grown in ages and it opened the door to another friendship I had neglected. So yes, it truly was GRACE in action. A friend who was a Sufi devotee once told me many years ago, “How you view your life is how it will show up”.. So true. 


    •  love that “how you view your life is how it will show up”!! thank you Jonathan!

  • MissMarj

    Mastin, I am absolutely convinced that God has ordered me to follow your column, even as I study the Bible. I suffered a rejection that cut like a serrated knife several months ago. (Backdrop: he was the first man to whom I had opened up in 5 years following a painful divorce!) Needless to say, after opening up my heart and soul, he decided to withdraw to find himself following his separation/divorce. (That withdrawal involved purchasing a Harley and dying his hair.) Nonetheless, it was only after his rejection that I found myself again… realigned my spiritual nature with the only ONE who can truly complete me and now my career has taken off in directions that only God could have ordained.  His rejection led to REVITALIZATION and RESTORATION. Thanks for your message!

  • Dianedoo

    humm…i guess i have never thought of it as rejection, but guidance to a new direction!  love you!

  • Pheephee45

    Wow! This is my very first time blogging. I hope I’m doing this right! I am so glad that I’ve read the daily love today. I broke up with my fiancé
    but we still keep in contact sometimes.. now that I’m by myself, for the first time I’m beginning to find out what I really like. I texted him this ah ha moment that I had the other night n all I got back from him was the word,”INSPIRING!!!!!
    I FELT SO REJECTED! I was always a little leary about keeing in contact with him because I’m still healing.I see TDL was who I should of wrote my thoughts to!

    written my thoughts to!

    g! I wasn’t expecting a one word text.I FELT THE REJECTION
    FOR SURE!!!! I feel like such a fool being eeemotionally avaia

  • Pheephee45

    Oops! Disregard the bottom. Lol,! Anyway.,thanks Mastin for ur website

  • Rekazm

    perfect timing, thank you so much 🙂 stop taking other people’s actions as a judgement, reflection and reaction to me 

  • Ha! Today 3 Different sources mentioned REJECTION including this one, now working on it. I’ve used the perceived darkness around me as an excuse not to shine. I’m gonna start shining a little more everyday 😀 Thanks Mastin, you rock!

  • Snydermas99

    Ok–have to be honest.  This rejection stuff is new for me.  Seriously–I’ve always gotten the job I wanted, the love of my life married me 32 years ago, and we are still married, happily today.  But I left my traditional career path a year ago–confident I would be able to blaze a new trail–bt it has been a pretty steady stream of rejection.  People are having a blast actually…”No-ing”, me.  So, this post helps a lot–learning to manage this (rejection and the feelings) later in life is a challenge…one I am up to understanding!  

  • Zana

    I was rejected almost 10 years ago by the person I considered to be my soulmate. There was confusion, anger, blaming, and eventually acceptance. It is as it is. I have lately been trying to open myself up to love: receiving and giving in all it’s forms. The pain of rejection is gone, however the whole experience has made me hyper-sensitive to rejection so i tend to not put myself in any situation where i might be rejected. I am not sure if I have experienced any grace from the rejection. I believe that everything happens for a reason and/or purpose, but I find myself fantasizing how different my life would be now if I were still with that person. I have a “good” life just a good life alone.

  • Binhng195

    Thanks for this. I love when TDL discuss rejection.
    xoxo Beloved Binh

  • Caitlin R.

    I really love this blog today.  I don’t think my heart has ever hurt as badly as it did today and getting to read this right before I sleep was just what I needed.  I always come to TDL for “support” and every time that I do, it connects with my day and life tremendously..sometimes it freaks me out, but in the good way 🙂  “Rejection” has played a major roll in my life lately and I really wish it would go away….especially when the rejection is from the toxic relationship I just got out of.  Hearing this was so great.  I feel a lot better now too…Thank you Mastin, your words are wonderful.  

  • Cdangond

    Thank you for you post. I have just broken up with my boyfriend and for some reason I feel relieved… I think that I may have been saved from a major heartbrake down the road. Not that it doesn’t hurt right now… I really wanted to be with him but something was missing… so we decided to let go…

  • Pixie

    Hey Mastin!
    Once again – you’re blog was exactly what I needed this morning across the pond in London!! It’s been a month of not getting 3 jobs I really wanted, and to top it off not getting the guy I really wanted – so a pretty rejection filled, sorry I mean GRACE filled couple of weeks – because there’s obviously a job and a guy out there waiting for me that I’m truly worthy off!! Thank you once again for putting it all into perspective for me!! You absolutely rock Mastin!!! Lots of Love to all the TDL readers!! xxx

  • Sylvia

    Hi Maston, I really like this article. And yes, I’ve experienced rejection recently and my immediate response was that it was about me. It hurt so much. Is that my ego talking? But my biggest question is what do you mean by ‘grace’? Thanks so much, Sylvia

  • guest

    Thank you! You have no idea how much I needed this today of all days. This ended my tears and gave me a much needed perspective that I will hold close to my heart. Thank you.

  • Allison

    I was broken up with by a man I thought was “the one.” It had been a year and a half of falling hard and fast, with everyone around us so sure we had a long, happy future ahead.  With the flip of a switch, he ended things and what hurts the most is that he never communicated his problems in the few short weeks he made this decision. Whats equally frustrating is his lack of willing to try and work on things. He just gave up on me and on us. 

    Rejection is one of the many emotions I’m enduring right now….perhaps  blindsided rejection is the worst. I have most definitely questioned, Whats wrong with me? What did I do that deserved such a cold, cutting-off of our relationship?

    I too, have always believed that things happen for a reason, even though its nearly impossible to comprehend. I know I will come out of this and maybe even stronger and better then before.

  • Jenna Dalton

    I LOVED this post, Mastin. Thank you so much.

    Everyday I work on not taking things personally the better my life gets.

    One of my favorite Buddhisms is, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

    I think this holds true here as well. Holding onto the idea that you’ve been rejected instead of seeing it as an opportunity to take another path just makes you angry and miserable.

    Thanks for the reminder 🙂

  • DC

    I’ve been taking love rejection to mean that there is something wrong with me and that I will never find love, and taking it that way has taken me down into a really deep, dark, cold hole, not a nice way to live when you believe you are somehow broken. I totally agree with your way of looking at things, and I try to put it into practice but sometimes the critic inside my head just has a field day and takes me down the hole again. I need to change, for good.

  • D in Nashville

    I am dealing with rejection in an odd sort of way. My boss recently “Let Me Go” because, as he stated, “I have a close friend that doesn’t like you so I’m not going to be able to be associated with you any longer”.  Wow! It hurts and is very hard to let go when it’s made so personal. Thanks for any input you might have.

  • So i really thought this girl liked me.I told her that i used to like her when we were in the high school.We started talking and talking..Then we met a couple of times…And then one day i gave her flowers…She asked me if i wanted to say something to her..And I said to her that i like her..And she turned me down straight..,saying that she did  not like me as a man..Got really depressed..Thought may be it is the way i look….So decided to transform my body..And it has been one month..and slowly slowly i am getting into great shape…i do not know whether my decision to change my body was a good one or not….but right now as i see changes in my body..i feel happy…..But still it hurts.. it hurts a lot…and sometimes at night  i keep wondering why did she reject me..

  • Dawoob

    I wholeheartedly agree with what was said here, but I have been experiencing another problem. My issue is that I rarely know whether I’m being rejected or not. I really don’t have a problem with rejection, it’s the not knowing that is drives me crazy. Relationships, employment, almost every aspect of my interactions with people seem to leave me in a haze of uncertainty where I don’t know where I stand or what to do next. And when I am clearly rejected, there is rarely any kind of feedback to guide me in approaching a similar situation in the future. Do I keep trying? Do I try something different? My life has been a series of situations where I have been left hanging. How do I take control of the meaning and move on when everything is still up in the air?

  • Ann

    I am rejected from someone that I thought liked me, so I have been thinking every day, it is my fault, I am not smart enough(this rejection is happening from co-worker at a new job), that person is a nice person, I know it must be me, then I think I have been rejected all my life, its my personality that is not likeable. The hard thing I don’t know how to change, if I try to change then am I not changing for everyone else? Then I heard someone once say, if you are rejected from alot of people obvioulsy something must be wrong with you. I don’t know what it is that I am doing that is so bad.

  • Omarmartinez125

    I was rejected two montgs ago by a girl. We dated for three months and she always knew I wanted something serious, and when I finally asked her where we were heading, she said she couldnt see me as more than a friend. I ended things gracefully but felt horrible for a month. I had never cried for a girl like I did for her. But here is the beauty, I realized that I have never valued myself. I have always put other feelinga before mine, and this experience open my eyes. Now I only focus on what I want even if means some people not liking me. I have had one of the best weekenda of my life, and today I saw that girl that broke my heart. I over her, and I can see that I m 100% better and unfortunately I cant say the same about her. Its clear to me that I would have made her life a lot better, but she wouldnt be able to the same for me. If I had valued myself before woukd have been able to recognize that. It took a rejection to wake me up. And even though it was painful I am glad it happened.

  • Isabella

    It is amazing how something so jarring can be put into perspective. I was recently laid off from my job and the man that I had fallen in love with left me for another woman. Although I am attractive, intelligent and talented, I can’t help but feel worthless and empty.

    Reading this now makes me realize that, I can either let emptiness consume me, or, I can identify with the fact that everything happens for a reason and that sometimes god needs to rip the mediocracy out of your tight grasp in order to clear the way for brilliant things.

    It reminds me of a buddhist quote that goes along the lines of “All things, good and bad, are essentially good.”

    Everything happens for a reason; let negative experiences empower you so that you can develop your best self and have the most beautiful life.

  • neilboy

    I only decided to remove the toxic and incomprehensible behavior of a now ex GF from my life when it occurred to me suddenly that she was indeed rejecting me. She made it look so subtle at first…the let’s remain friends thing….but continously avoided me anything we had to meet and talk. Yet she’ll send messages about how wonderful and busy she is and then throw in a query like how I was coping with my life. When I answer her sincerely, as friends would, she goes silent for a couple of months and do the same thing again. Then I decided this was a friend with a double personality…so I put it straight up to her…let’s meet in person and talk things over. She came up with excuses about how she doesn’t make plans. Then I called it quits….she wrote back promptly though ‘respecting’ my decision to severe ties. I feel good because I applied the concept of MEANING to her style of friendship…and she came up empty.

  • Hi Mastin,

    It’s Subhajit. I am little bit confuse.I’ve proposed a girl (my colleague) last year, after knowing her one year and thought that she may be the perfect life partner for me. But…….got rejected (it’s hurt a lot). Anyway i’ve managed to control my feelings and move on, though there is still have some feelings for her. I’ve started to talked to her only and only about official matters, while i came to know several times that she is trying to figure out about my whereabouts from other colleagues in my absence.

    Now, when i’ve settled my mind for an arrange marriage (as in India it’s popular than love marriage/ or else you can say…i give up after the rejection 🙂 ). Suddenly she started to talk to me about personal matters and about my proposal (she told me that she thought that my proposal was a joke!!!! while she knows that i like her). Few days later she told me that she is ready for my proposal of last year(is it took so long time for a girl to understand a man/ feelings about her when she is observing,seeing,talking to him daily?????), but this time i’ve rejected her saying “sorry, it’s too late”, which is true as there is so much involvement done by my parents and close relatives for my marriage, now i scared that it will hurt them more if i accept her proposal.

    Now, it’s haunting me, if she really started to feel for me or she is just trying to play with me.

  • Jasmin

    Hey Mastin ,well I come from very critical family where ur always to be blamed until u proove wrong! Pritty screwed up system to raise a child or building a family! Very unhealthy but true!I feel like jealousy all the time from some people and I find it so depressing ,that they use such tools to ruin me for being considered in their imagination a threat!Whenever I want to feel and look attractive for myself ,God I get so rejected that I feel like shame on me ! I just wana be myself ,for who I am ,and not worry about rejection but God do I get rejected! All the time!I wonder what’s wrong with me ,I do give a lot from my own resourses to beloved friends and family ,I always help and I am there for them ,I always reseach and read in order to help,I almost don’t do anything for myself anymore, I am so consumed to please everyone I forgot about my own life ! I don’t even notice being attractive ,I dont even care about my outlook so much ,I dont really do anything about it to maintain it ,I am just naturally what I am ,and I feel like my extended family thinks I try to show off to them! Just life sucks!I feel I am at fault for being attractive person,is all they blame me for whenever I have gone wrong ,they say I might think I can get away!they show they wana ruin my selfconfidence only because God created me how I am .I feel chocked and like drawning! I think they are obsessed with such ideas about me and they are influencing my guy against me ! I wonder what did I do to these people!

  • Anon

    Hello. I’ve just discovered this blog today. I was casually seeing a nice guy for a month or so. He told me recently he was offered a new job in a new city and he would no longer be available to me. At first I felt way too over emotional for the situation, then I managed to name my fear as rejection. I sat with the discomfort of rejection for an hour or so and realised that what I thought was his rejection of me was really just circumstance. I don’t have access to the big picture or know his hopes and dreams and so I suddenly realised its not all about me. This was a great opportunity for him. I also realised that I was sitting with that old foe – envy. I was envious of his new job in his new city, because it was a city i’d always wanted to work in and possibly never took the risk for fear of rejection. I felt rejected by him and in his circumstances I was reminded of a situation where I had rejected myself. Realising my anger lay with envy, I did a little online research and came to the conclusion that my envy really was admiration and that often admiration is mutual. So I replied to him honestly from my new admiration stand point and what I got back was mutual admiration from him. I’d turned rejection into mutual admiration all by perception. Perception can be your enemy or with a little mindfulness and consideration it can be your friend 🙂

  • 5 years later just found this article helpful.

    I recently split from the woman who made me a better person. After being together for 4 years I wanted to get married and move on together, start a family, I knew I had someone who I could see myself with for the rest of my life. …now re-read that and you’ll see the exact mistake I made. “I” was the repeated word there. I took her for granted, was selfish in the relationship for too long before recognizing that she wasn’t happy that she wasn’t spending her time the way she wanted as both of our schedules were jam packed. The beginning of the painful end was when I asked for a 30 day blackout period that would make us stronger or pull us apart… In 20 days it was over. She closed the door and made her unwavering decision. I had felt stronger then ever with feelings for her and realized all the things that needed to be improved on… She realized the opposite that she was fed up and wanted nothing to do with me. I was days away from paying for the ring. She was happier then she had been for 4 years she followed my schedule supporting me patiently and cleverly providing valuable insight, advice, making gentle guidance, helping through her nurturing, caring, consideration, genuine class picking me up by the bootstraps dealing with my venting and maturing…

    It wasn’t one argument or specific thing that ended it. It was a long road full of straw that piled up until it became too much. My heart is broken in a way and level never experienced before. Its humbling to hear someone isn’t interested in spending time with you.

    To say it’s life changing is too cliche. Took a personal inventory, looked at hindsight, did my best to remember as many of the times where she said “you never listen to me” all the times she was ALWAYS right, all the little things that she had given me either from words or from actual items that play a role in my everyday life. Bit materialistic but as I looked around the room realized there was more things she had overtime added that were useful and meaniningful then things I had accumulated on my own.

    End of the ramble this woman is a good person, really a wonderful person, who taught me a lot about myself… If second chances ever existed if wishes were granted I’d spend the rest of my life grateful to enjoy her company and be reminded everyday how good I have it… Well life isn’t a fairytale And in recovering from the significant pain it’s helped provide the motivation needed to improve life and be a better person. Quit smoking (after 15 years), got back to the gym 4 days a week (consistently as part of a daily routine), stopped eating garbage in order to take better care of myself and be healthy, changed my schedule with work to realign with having a better quality of life, cut down on the high risk commitments I had been getting into, finished the projects I had started – and haven’t jumped into any new ones, in order to get better balance and have a less stressful day to day, cut down on the circle i surrounded myself shifting from quantity to quality – I’m an outgoing person with a wide network mixed with people from all sides of life – some who make bad decisions others who have their lives together, being selective with who I surround myself with raised the bar in productivity, found some healthy hobbies, stacked the calendar with activities to distract myself with… Overall she left me better then she found me for that I’m thankful and have nothing bad to say, it hurts but now on to the next chapter of life.

  • Sarah

    What if the rejection you get is from your family and friends? The time that i need people the most after my mother passing away and leaving a toxic relationship, loosing his family and the puppy he bought me all at the same time. I have not a soul to talk to and i am completely alone. The rejection from my family hurts the most because i am always there when they need something. It gets tiring trying make a family plan to have dinner or do some sort of activity outside. I always get the I’m too tired, I’m busy. This has been going on for 3 years now. So here i am moved to another province to try to bond with my brother, who told me to move to this province so we could be close together and I am completely left alone. I am an introvert and have a hard time meeting friends, but i still put myself out there. I meet people but people are different here than the east coast where everyone is welcoming and invited over for drinks and food. I keep asking people and my therapists what vibe i give off to be rejected so much, and they say that i don’t. It really does not make sense, I put myself out there and people just smile and nod. I’m at a loss for words. I understand that positive thinking could be contributing to this dilemma, but when i was naturally positive, happy and upbeat, I still received the same type of response. My only friends now are my therapists and mentors who i see on a weekly basis. This has been my life for the last 3 years. there has to be something better for me, but ive lost hope.