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What To Do When The One You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

I had a thought yesterday; it was: “The only unrequited love that truly exists is towards ourselves.”

It seems, so much in our lives, we can experience this sense of love unreturned to us by those we want it from.

You’re a lover; I’m a lover; we’re all lovers here in The Daily Love community. Deep down all we want is to love and be loved in return. That’s the true pulse of the human condition.

Regarding, romantic love specifically, I find it funny (and at times SUPER GNARLY PAINFUL) the dance we all dance. It’s like Girl A likes Boy B, but Boy A likes Girl A, and Girl B likes Boy A. I know, that confused me, too. I just think it’s funny how many times we desire the one that doesn’t want us, or that isn’t the best one for us. And yet, at the same time, we have little to no interest in people who desire us. This obviously isn’t how it always is, but here in Los Angeles, I find this trend running rampant (in my life, too).

It’s really easy to get bummed when someone you really like in that way, doesn’t like you back in that way. You know what I’m talking about – you desire them and they think of you only as a friend. Yeah – the friend zone. It happens to the best of us, guys and girls. And, not only that, we are also perpetrators of putting people who like us in the friend zone. It’s a two-way street.

The key, though, as we dance, is to remember who you are. Unrequited love from someone can be a bummer for sure, but I don’t think that actually exists. Why? It’s not because I have never been the recipient of unrequited love; quite on the contrary – it’s familiar territory (being on both sides, actually).

When we forget to Love Ourselves, when we forget The Uni-verse is on our side and wants us to thrive, when we forget that we are co-creators of our lives with The Uni-verse, then it’s easy to feel unrequited love and have it really affect you. But, I believe that the unrequited love we are feeling isn’t from the other person who we desire – it’s actually from ourselves.

When we love ourselves, we remember that rejection is protection. When we love ourselves we are careful whom we give our hearts to. When we love ourselves, we see every event of our lives as lessons and know that there are no shortages in The Uni-verse. We know that if it doesn’t work out with that someone you had your eye on, or that job you really wanted, something greater is on the way.

We love ourselves and are filled with this love; it’s nearly impossible to feel unrequited love from someone else. It’s only when we have given that person power over our lives and control over our emotional well-bring that we can feel unrequited love from them. Feeling unrequited love from someone is a symptom of low self-esteem and a misalignment with your power.

So, if you’re feeling this way, take your power back today. Put your trust in the things that The Uni-verse has in store for you. Let go a little and see what’s next. There is no shortage in The Uni-verse. There is someone perfect for you out there and they will find you as you become more and more of your authentic self.

When you are feeling the low vibrations of unrequited love, don’t go chasing after it from other people. STOP, check in within yourself and be still. If you seek out the path of trying to fill yourself up from other people or substances, you will only make it worse. Take care of yourself. Do you! Stay in your power and do things that nurture your heart and soul.

This is what I mean when I say, “The only unrequited love that truly exists is towards ourselves.” When we love ourselves, we are not seeking others to fill us and we are free to detach and welcome in the perfect person in the perfect time. And in the meantime, we fill ourselves up so that we have the serenity and joy – so we can step into savoring the waiting, instead of dreading it.

Feeling unrequited love today? Take your power back, love yourself and watch it go away.

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the Founder & CEO of The Daily Love. To follow him on Twitter, click here.

  • Sheki

    Thank You! This came right on time. Blessings

  • http://www.facebook.com/jazyyazi Yazmin Monet Watkins

    Hey Mastin,

    I am a spoken word poet based in Los Angeles and I totally relate to the words you post on the daily love and personally (very similar to my ‘church’ (for lack of a better word), Agape. THANK YOU for your words of encouragement, truly. Since you have given so much to me, I thought I would return the favor and share one of my poems with you (though it’s titled “Note to Self” it’s very much a poem about you):

    Note to Self,
    In case you tripped, fell and somehow forgot;
    You are brilliant.
    You wild haired angel eyed sphinx of a woman
    You hold the keys to the secret of creation.
    Riddling the world with the laughter in your wisdom
    The sorrow in your fortitude
    You are the reason stars will buckle at the puppet strings of your pressure.
    Remember, you are powerful beyond measure.
    Potential fuels your cup full – overflowing.
    You, hold the ability to throw real change into this wishing well wide world
    in the crescent mooned nailbed of your pinky.
    You whirlwind of a woman, how you dance between the cracked pavement of this world.
    You are the dancing melody that will shake this shattered earth whole.
    You adapt like rivers and flow like Spirit.
    You are humble, listen to your elders, sisterhood lights your path.
    You are talented.
    Have already accomplished so much
    Lives have been touched by YOU.
    And you are destined still for so much more.
    You are intelligent, smart, compassionate
    Always looking out for your fellow (wo)man
    You are open minded and down for life’s adventure in every turn…
    You are awkward
    And corny (in the best possible way)
    Laughing through life with diamonds in your eyes and poems on your lips
    You are free spirit like the freedom tribal dancing through the tips of your fingers
    and out through your soul.
    You are beautiful like a black star rising shinning on your way to heaven.
    If heaven is where the heart is, you carry Her with you always.
    You inspire others to sit comfortable in their skin and listen to their voice within.
    So, don’t be afraid to embrace the howling war cry ripping free from the belly of your diaphragm.
    Remember the power of the wind lying dormant under your tongue and SPEAK.
    You almost forgot who you were,
    SHOUT against the silence to the tune of insanity.
    YOU are the answer you’ve been waiting for,
    YOU are tidal waves of wisdom crashing wildly against the shore
    YOU are worth more and this life is a gift worth living
    so give it justice.
    Speak freely to your truth, open your mouth wide, heart held high like lion and
    ROAR.

    Peace, love and poetry :)
    -Yazmin Monet Watkins
    twitter @jazyyazi (http://twitter.com/#!/jazyyazi)
    http://www.facebook.com/jazyyazi

  • George

    This is an awesome article. It truly touched my life…I love reading your blog…

  • Kelly

    This was one of the most beautiful and truthful things I have ever read.

  • Renee

    This is so true Mastin and I want to add that all unrequited love does is teach us to love ourselves and others without expecting anything in return. Sometimes I believe God is filtering out wrong desires in order for us to have the best…….loving God, life, yourself and others is a prerequiste for mastering love. Thanks so much for your truth……it speaks to us all.

  • Kara

    How did you know to post this today when this was the medicine I needed? I am educated, I like to think I am smart, but sometimes I can be so dumb and not listen to my gut. I should have last night when the person I love didn’t return my love DUH! I need to love myself more thanks so much!

    Kara

  • Erin

    I think this article is very insightful, but it doesn’t really give any advice on how to “love yourself.” I think that is easier said than done and not as simple as this article makes it sound.

  • yesenia

    Ty, sometimes we need answers or advice or we need to be knocked back up to our senses.
    That’s right ” stop! Think and love my self.

  • caylee

    Beautiful,truthful and honest!

    In times like these we all forget about ourselves.
    I choose ME :)

    Thank you for that!
    Xx

  • Ann

    This is just what I needed to hear today at the exact minute I needed to hear it. You have no idea! Thank you!

  • Andrea

    Thank you Mastin. You certainly do have great timing. It’s good to have someone to remind us to love ourselves when we most need it. Bless you.

  • Et

    Wise words at the perfect time!! Thank you. Xoxo <3

  • Sixx

    Mastin, it’s 4am in NYC & I’m awake feeling that unrequited love. Thinking of ways to get it back and make it work. Reading this just now made me realize that I have work to do with finding that love within myself. This will be my work now instead of focusing on love from without, I’m going to start looking within. Thank you so much!

  • julie_bevou

    tHank you so mUch for thIs blog..we can’t love somebody else when we don’t know how to love ourselves in the first place^-^

  • Sonia

    I ABSOLUTELY love this!!!! thank you!!

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  • KN

    Dear Mastin,

    I don’t know if I completely agree with you. I love myself. I just love him too. I know that I can survive and thrive without him, that I might be happier and better off even. I just can’t let him go. I feel like he needs me. We have such a deep connection on so many levels. I’m the only person he can talk to about his feelings. I can’t distance myself. For his sake. I don’t know what to do. I know he’ll never let himself love me, I’m half his age and he would be afraid of what the world thinks. I know that pushing the matter will only force him to estrange the only true friend he has right now, me. I’ve tried so hard to let it go, but I can’t. The more I try the more I can’t stay away. I DO love myself, but I don’t know if I could continue to do so if I left him alone in the world. I’m afraid of what loneliness would do to him. It hurts me so much when he doesn’t value himself. Even now I can’t stop crying thinking about how depressed he was the last time I saw him. I never entertained the illusion that he could love me back in the same way I am for the first time admitting that I love him, but how can I help loving him? He’s so wonderful. So kind and so intelligent. So gentle and so understanding. I only wish he could love himself as much as I love him, then maybe I would be able to let him go.

  • guest

    wow, worst advice ever, didnt help at all.

  • Poisoncutie

    Thank you.

  • Mitchell silveira

    i am so much empowered by these inspirational words from you Mastin. i am taking back the power back. thanks so muh i am really grateful.
    MITCHELL

  • Stefan Ciuprina

    Wow thank you so much! You have no idea how much this helped me. I still love that girl and fell like I’ll do anything for her, but you’re right! Maybe there is someone better I will met in the future! Anyway, this message is making me fell better! Thank you again!! (sorry if bad english)

    • Stefan Ciuprina

      Why the f*ck is my name there? I didn’t even wrote this. -_-

  • allyouneedislove

    Thank you I really needed to hear that.

  • Ellia Andrew

    I don’t want to make the details public but i want  to say god bless you ashra for the wonderful gift of love spell casting  your temple (ASHRA SPELL TEMPLE) have. I’ve had the best night of my life last night! Stregata, I think that she is addicted to me now! She keeps calling me. . and she apolgise for ever breaking up with me and  just last night she came over to my house and we both had a great time together as she slept in my house ,and I love it! your love spell worked within 48hours as you promised,i just want to say to the whole world if  ever you have a love or any other problem,contact ASHRASPELL TEMPLE on email :[email protected] or            +2348131134346

    Thanks for your magic gift.

    Sean,
     

  • sophia

    I am just writing to update you on the Reel In My Lover, how [email protected]  cast his Spell for me last week. He has called me out.told me what to do to get my love back,i did it.right now am with my love happy again,[email protected] has really helped me,i will never forget what you have done for me,i will always remember you….sophia

  • Val

    Hmmmm, dont knw what to really say, cus me for one i have great love for my self, n i just also love d company of frnds n loved once , hence i love much care for friends and dont seem to even get a liltle love back in return, i do d care call, find out if they are ok, how tins are going wif them, etc even invite them to Dinner , give them surprice treat,go for their functions without missing one but the always have reason to tell me why they miss mine,go to visit them often but force them to come lets hang out what i say in general though i dont really do all i do to get it back, but i just like to b loved too just as i love much,smtimes just loving yourself cant just be enough we all need one another n like to b loved to, need a clarity on this what do i do? Holla @ me @ [email protected].

  • Guest

    Loving yourself or say within is fine to some extend, however this would also makes me selfish. I would rather give my love unconditional. That would make me at least a better person.

  • lost

    This helps a little with my situation, see the girl i love loves me too but she’s an open girl who “loves” other guys as well she tearing me apart to kno ow im not the only one who makes her giggle and laugh and make moments like we do or i thought we did can you help with something like this, because forsom reason i can quit on her.
    I am 15, and needing help.

  • Onyx Queen

    Thank you Mastin for this wonderfully simplistic advice!

  • David Nancy

    I don’t just know how to start am just short of word’s Due to the help of Dr laco,This Dr laco has brought back happiness into my life that i have lacked for year,My name is David Nancy am from the United State of America,Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy,Because Dr laco brought back my lover Scot into my arms without any delay,After my lover left me for good 2years,i was in deep pain and always thinking because i truly loved Scot,Until a faithful day listen to the radio due to tiredness,Then in which i had a lady shouting in happiness about the great thing Dr laco has done how Dr laco brought back her lover back into her arms within 36hours,when i had that goodness i decided in contacting Dr laco immediately,Because i was desperate in getting in touch with him,So i got in touch with him,Which then i told him my problem and he promised in bringing back Scot back to my arms within 24hours,And then when i had that Scot would be back to my arms within 24hours i was so happy and waiting to feel Scot,And really Scot came into my arms within 24hours,Begging me for forgiveness,i was so happy when i saw Scot now my lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man Dr laco who has bought back happiness into our great country(USA)Please friend in need o,f help you don’t need to go far all you need to do is for you to kindly contact Dr laco for help,Because he his trustworthy and straight forward,You can contact([email protected]) he said he can cast the following spell , such as, to bring back your love one,lost money,get rich,get go result,get good job,get good husband,build and buy a car. etc, just contact him and tell him what you need, i am so happy to advertise for him

  • Rose

    Thank you so much for this article..i feel like dying when the man who i love only accept me as his booty calls. I was longing for him to treat me like a special woman or perhaps love me back. But he only wants me for sex..I didnt ask him about his feelings for me but from the way he treated me, i know i dont have a special place in his heart..i feel some hope again after reading this. I plan to keep away from him and see if he will ever look for me…

  • CARDENAS

    My name is Mr Cardenas,my wife was having affair with a senior secretary in her office. I love this woman so much that i would not want to share her with any body. i told her to retire from the job and i would take care of all her needs but she would take it because she is been embraced by everybody in her office, this normally leads to quarrel every-time. i tried all i can to please her and she will promise to be good , some days later she will turn back to her normal way.
    i was nearly loosing out, i could not focus in my job, my whole life was full of sorrow and i was thinking i should kill the other man my self and put an end to all this until i saw a testimony from a blog on how DR EDIONWE could cast a love spell to bring lovers back no matter what is behind the disappointment. so i decided to write him via email. [email protected] and now all my wishes are exactly as i wanted. She told me everything that has happened secretly in the past and i forgave her as DR EDIONWE instructed me to and she loves me and care for me as i ever wanted. i know there are many spells that do not work but i want to assure all you out there no matter what you have been trough to have faith and believe that this is the final solution to your problem.
    Even if my job is taking most of my time, the little free time i have , i will share the good news to everyone in the world because i know that with love brings happiness and hope for a long life.

  • Christina

    I still love you…

  • lostinsomanyways

    I am so in love with her. I do not know how to even start getting over her. It’s been this way for about 5-6 years. And everyday it seems like a love her more and more. Even though I barely get to see her, and her boyfriend is a friend of mine. Why does love do this? Why does love push you into a corner where you thought was going to be green fields? Why does love leave you stranded and confused? Why does love hurt? Is it supposed to? Or am I doing it wrong? Is there such a thing as true love? Or is it just fairy tales and movies that made us think that there is? I guess I use to think that there was true love. I am a fucking idiot. If hearth has no fire , tis best slay the false heart. I need some advice.

    • http://www.facebook.com/rsonic Rafael Vazquez

      I’m almost in the same situation, man. God, I wish I could just move on… :/

  • RC

    You have just renewed so much faith in me. Thank you! They were the words that I already knew and I was searching for tonight. I feel like I’ve come so far on a personal journey and then out of the blue this situation arose with somebody with whom I have the strongest soul connection I’ve ever felt, yet I recognise that we are not in the same place in life. I can’t remain hopeful that he will ever get to that place, I can’t or won’t sacrifice myself any longer unconsciously waiting. I must put my path and myself and my love for myself first again.
    There are always bright sides, and this experience has helped to bring up old fears from previous relationships such as a fear of being loved by someone because I hurt my ex so badly even after he treated me so well. Since then I haven’t attracted the right partners for me as they mirror an unconscious desire not to get too close and hurt someone again.
    I think this torture has taught me once and for all that I do deserve happiness in spite of past choices. I turned my back on that previous relationship because it didn’t feel right and I have the right to honour my feelings and my own needs. That has just come to me as I wrote it, more awareness.
    It’s amazing how pain we have felt or caused to others in the past can continue to project for so long, but as you have pointed out here, it all comes back to that journey toward self love. At the end of the day it serves us to be grateful for situations that feel painful and thus cause us so much growth : )

  • RC

    Upon further reflection of this great article and some solid soul searching, I realised that I only needed to break down my own ego to find the true love that I had for myself and the other person. I now believe that the perception of love being unrequited is only the case when that love is conditional. When you are waiting and hoping for the other person to return the love that you are putting out there. Now that I have opened to the feeling of unconditional love, that is the love that we all are, that love is expansive. I now see that I need nothing from the other person and that this feeling of love is a gift, that it is only a reflection of myself. I had to break through a very rational understanding of what I was feeling (the last year plus of endless thinking!) just to feel this endless love now and I now see that I did not need to be afraid to ‘fall’ for someone who wasn’t reciprocating. The realisation of unconditonal love is eternal and it helps you to see that you are not separate from the object of your desire-and thus you don’t ‘need’ the object as such, they are only something beautiful to appreciate, as are all things in life. Realising that releases us from the prison of the mind and the ego that tells us that we lose when we love without reciprocation. I now see that if love causes pain, this is only because there are conditions on that love. The pain is the ego resisting the soul’s desire to love without boundaries. This is true for so many cases of emotional pain and it includes the way in which we love ourselves (which is one and the same I now see as I feel the love I’m sending out/I am that love!)

    So thank you for your article that got me thinking about all of this and ultimately opened my heart in just 24 hours of reflection. I was close to the understanding, but you have provided a beautiful catalyst.

    Much love and light :)

  • peter walter

    from Canada i was propose to be marriage by a love one, but he suddenly changed his mind just because he found himself a new love, my heart was broken and so i was devastated to the extend of committing suicide a friend of my introduce me to a powerful doctor called DR.AKHERE when i first head of him i never believed his powers until i visit the De akhere spiritual temple of the great prophetic man DR.DR. AKHERE, a man of wisdom and understanding he helped me out after having some conservation with him, and my ex love who promise to marry me later came back to apologize to me, today we are happily married with two lovely kinds. All thanks go to doctor DR. AKHERE the powerful spell caster, if you need any help from him contact him with this email [email protected], he is very powerful beware. DR. AKHERE is a great man I love him is a man of prophetic word once again contact him at [email protected]

  • Narol Denison

    i will like to share my testimony to you all.i just got married to
    my husband about a year ago we start having problems at home like we
    stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always
    comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women
    out side.i have never love any man in my life except him.he is the
    father of my children and i don’t want to loose him because we have
    worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month
    ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be
    hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i
    called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about Dr
    Jatto how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was
    surprise about it because they have been without each other for three
    and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each
    other.i was directed to Dr Jatto and explain everything to him,so he
    promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come
    back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another
    female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem
    will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a
    spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive
    him.i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with
    every body that have such problem contact him email. [email protected]

    narol denison

    1. GETTING YOUR EX LOVER BACK.
    2. WINNING LOTTERIES.
    3. CHILD BEARING.
    4. BREAKING OF GENERATION COURSE.
    5. GETTING OF JOB.
    6. JOB PROMOTION.
    7. MONEY SPELL.
    8. SPIRITUAL PROTECTION.

    9. HERBAL CARE.
    10. BEAUTY SPELL.

  • Tony Monopoly

    maybe we don’t love ourselves because we are unloved from the ones we love. so simply love ourselves is to love others. if I have feelings for him/her and he/she doesnt have the same feelings for me than how unfair is that? especially when i poured out my heart to feel loved. how can one feel any love if you keep getting rejected? trust me ive loved and loved yet im still rejected. im a good person but that doesnt matter apparently. finding the right person is an excuse to break up with the individual. people need commitment and not someone who will leave them or reject them. politleness respect go a long way in a relationship on both ends. love each other and you both will feel loved.