Mastin interviews Gabby Bernstein about how she turned rock bottom into her life's purpose! → Check it out!

What to do when your friends are jealous of your success. (DailyLoveTV)

Is the fear of what other people think about you holding you back from your success? This can be a big one when it comes to living your dreams.

In this week’s episode of DailyLoveTV – I answer the question, “What do I do when my friends are jealous of my success?”

The answer may surprise you.

Remember what my friend and mentor Tony Robbins says and it’s tweet-worthy - “People’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.”(Click to tweet)

If you don’t have time to watch the video or can’t we’ve posted the transcript below.

[Begin Transcript]

Hey welcome to Daily Love TV.  Here you will learn how to take action and make it real.  I’m your host, Mastin Kipp, founder of The Daily Love.com.  Daily Love TV is a collaborative process.  I’m here to give you the best information I know to help you take your life to the next level.  If you have a question for me, send an email to [email protected].

I got a great question in from Ravarti, a Daily Love reader in India.  Ravarti asks, “What do you do when your own friends are jealous of your success and they talk to you only when they need help?”  Great question Ravarti.  Before I dive in, first I want to congratulate you on your success.  It’s not easy making it happen so congrats.

As you begin to live more and more authentically, serving other people and really making a mark on the world, the whole dynamic of your life can change.  When you’re down and out it really shows who cares about you.  But, when you step into success, those who keep telling you the truth and support you in your expansion are the people you want to surround yourself with.

I remember in my own life, I had a friend who was there for me when I was down and out recovering from addiction.  But, as I stepped more and more into my own power, he called me selfish and that I was getting “too big for my britches.”  Over the course of time I realized that he only liked me or acted positively towards me when I didn’t get too big.  It was weird because he kept telling me how big or successful he thought I could be, but whenever I got to that point, he would just pull back, guilt trip me, or just be negative.  It was as if I was getting mixed messages.

Eventually we couldn’t be friends anymore because it was just too tense and toxic between us.  I’m not saying that you have to ditch your friends.  I still have plenty of friends from when I was in high school that are my real friends.  They keep me focused, they keep me grounded, but they also want me to be big, expansive, and happy.

So here are some ideas on how to know what to do with your friends.

  1.  Do your friends actually celebrate your success?

It’s easy to bond over failure, sadness, and anger.  Those states create instant empathy because we’ve all been there and want to show up for our friends.  However, it’s not as easy to bond over success.  When someone around us is successful, it can push all the buttons of their friends and create jealousy.  If someone is always jealous of you that may not be someone you want to keep in your inner circle.

  1. Do your friends also add value to your life?

If you’re watching Daily Love TV chances are you are the Oprah of your friends.  They come to you for advice.  You are their inspiration, and you love helping others.  And that probably fills you up to be able to help your friends.  But, have you ever given and given and had a giving hangover because it wasn’t reciprocated. Friendship is a two-way street.  If you’re doing all the giving, you aren’t their friend.  You are their free therapist.  They should either add value to your life too or feel free to start charging them hourly for your services.

  1. Remember, not all friendships need to be super deep.

When we get on the spiritual path we create a deeper sense of connection and that is super rad.  But not everyone’s going to go there with you.  It’s okay to have some friends that are going to go super deep with you, and others where friends are just more of a surface friendship in conversation.  Try not to judge people as being “spiritual” or “un-spiritual” because that judgement would be mighty un-spiritual of you, wouldn’t it?

  1. Create friendships with people who inspire you.

Seek out new friendships with people who lift you up and who are a step ahead of you.  I have deep connections with my old friends from Kansas but I have a totally different connection with my new friends like Gabby Bernstein, Marie Forleo, Kris Carr. I don’t have the history with Gabs Marie or Kris that I do with my old friends, but these ladies inspire me to become more and we can talk about things that we all have in common since we are all incredibly successful doing what we love.  I started out these friendships and they have been very rewarding and different than my other friendships, and that’s okay.  Remember what my friend and mentor Tony Robbins says and it’s tweet-worthy! - “People’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.” (Click to tweet)  So take a look at your friends and make a list.  Who’s adding value to your life?  Who’s just sucking your energy?  Who’s someone you want to be friends with?

Here’s your challenge for the week – spend less time with a friend who seems to suck your energy and say no to them and spend more time with a new friend who inspires you.  In the comments below let me know your friend action plan.  Who are you going to be letting go of and who do you want to bring in?  Your time is valuable and you deserve someone to give you as much as you love giving to others.

The Daily Love community is a group of seriously loving caring folks.  Head out to The Daily Love.com and leave your comment and join in the conversation and meet and support these amazing people.  Also we publish a rocking daily email full of inspiration from me and all kinds of amazing experts around the world.  Head out to The Daily Love.com and sign up for our email to receive awesome daily doses of love.

Until next time this is Mastin Kipp saying take action and make it real.

Marie Forleo’s B-School is here and I’m so excited because she has the best training I know on what it takes to turn your passion and turn it into a business.  We’ve set up some amazing free bonuses to inspire you to get onto B-School training.  Head on over to Bschool.TheDailyLove.com to check it all out – it all ends March 5th so get on it!

[End Transcript]

In the comments below, let me know how you plan on moving forward with those certain someone’s. Whats your jealous friend action plan?

Support, community and lots of action happens in the comments on the blog. So join us!

Keep on shining, even when you think others won’t approve. We need your light, your love and your success!

Lots of LOVE,

Mastin

P.S. Start 2014 off with heart! Join us in for our deep and powerful “Enter the Heart” evenings, full of Kundalini Yoga, Heart Therapy and a new opening to connecting to who you really are. Tickets will sell out, so don’t sit on it.

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###

Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you from the blog and leave the rest.

 

  • http://emmagwillim.com/busy Emma Gwillim: Success coach

    Loved this video… I know I’ve felt discomfort in sharing my goals with friends and family before. I’ve played them down. It’s tricky to move beyond the ‘norm’ that’s accepted among your peer group. Surrounding yourself with people who share your ambitions is crucial – even if online groups (like this!) are as close as you can get. Mindset first!

    • The Daily Love

      Yes, Emma–mindset first! It sounds like you’re getting the hang of this super important lesson. We are a direct reflection of our peers. Thanks for reading! -TDL Team

  • http://www.jeanettesvensson.com/ Jeanette Svensson

    Thank you for this video Mastin, and it is so funny, cause these friends question is just what I am thinking of right now! I want to have a friend circle that is my master circle. There we all can be just who we are and lift each other up instead of feeling pity and staying the same…it is crazy important and I will always try to connect with people who inspire me. Also I loved what you said about nonspiritual friends as well, it is actually good to have a little of both and not judge, easier said that done at times..hihi…so thank you for that! Lets keep on trying our best to grow and learn along the way! Thank you for sharing!

    • The Daily Love

      That is a wonderful vision for your friend circle Jeanette! Thank you for reading and sharing! -TDL Team

  • Lans

    AMAZINGgggg………….’When we get on the spiritual path we create a deeper sense of connection and that is super rad. But not everyone’s going to go there with you’ – I love that because it is EXACTLY what I have really been struggling with, with my existing friendships!!!!! I love my friends but sometimes I feel a bit misunderstood and like an unintentional ‘preacher’ …it’s hard finding new people to connect with who have similar interests, however this is why i joined b-school & also signed up to a 40 day challenge at my yoga studio YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY so many more friends to make :D he he – good one thanks mastin

    • The Daily Love

      Way to take action and put yourself out there to meet some new friends! Keep it up Lans, you’re on the path! -TDL Team

  • Leanne Wilkinson

    Mastin I just have to say that I’m totally LOVIN’ your Daily Love TV videos. They pack a big punch (adding so much value to the world) & they crack me up too. I love Mastin#2 … “I think you dropped something.” LOL!

    Thanks for what you’re doing. It is making a difference in my life.

    • The Daily Love

      We’re glad you love it! Thank YOU for making such a difference in our life! Thank you for reading :) -TDL Team

  • Sandy Hansen

    Mastin – you are so awesome. I love me some Mastin Kipp!!! You are right on once again with this one.

    • The Daily Love

      We love you too Sandy!! Thank you for reading and sharing :) -TDL Team

  • https://www.facebook.com/MadAboutMyLifeCoaching Madelain Burgoyne

    Hey Brotha

    I’ve changed my circle of friends several times… no problem doing this one… I learnt the universal truth of “life/death/life. Using that in this context, that would mean, knowing when to let go of old friendships (like you say, that hold you back) to make way for new ones.
    The key to doing that successfully is to have un unwavering focus and inner knowing of who you are and where you’re going.

    Peace

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your insights Madelain! We love how you said it takes “unwavering focus and inner knowing of who you are and where you’re going.” That’s powerful!! Thanks for reading! -TDL Team

  • http://www.YesYesMarsha.com/ Marsha from YesYesMarsha.com

    Ha ha, “Um I think you dropped some names?”. I am LOVING these videos, Mastin, you are NAILING them!!

    My biggest takeaway from this video: Not all friendships need to be super-deep. As a relative newcomer to my city, sometimes I freak out if I’m making friends with someone and they don’t feel like SUPER BEST FRIEND MATERIAL straight off the bat. I will keep this point firmly in mind. Thank you!

    • The Daily Love

      We loved that part too, Marsha! It’s a great tip to keep in mind. Thank you for reading and sharing :) -TDL Team

  • lookingwithin

    Ahh, I must protect myself from those unworthy people that are reflecting back at me the not-enoughness I want to deny is coming from my own mind. The difficulty I am experiencing in this relationship has nothing to do with me:) They must reflect only what I want to see myself as, so that I can feel OK. So that I can believe that I can become something that is better than how I presently perceive myself. They must give me the OKness that I seek. They are holding me back. Rather than turn the lens of judgement 180 degrees to examine the limiting beliefs at the source of my disturbance and sense of lack, the ego self, runs from the mirror, and leads me to divide and thus diminish my true power, only found in oneness. The seeker of separation, one-upmanship, comparison, competition and all forms of suffering are in these experiences of the human-doing that is forever trying to become something better that the perfect loving spirit it already is. I will be free the day I look at all “others” and know, I am that, I am. Then I can ask my higher power to heal my mind, and watch my world, my relationships, and sense of connection and power grow, rather than contract. The only state possible will be one of gratitude unity and joy. See you there

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing this lookingwithin. There is a lot of truth packed in there! Thanks for reading and sharing! -TDL Team

    • ann

      Lookingwithin: You nailed it. I have become very uncomfortable with the way this topic is going. I have seen much emphasis on making “big” money and not on spirituality and our purpose on this earth and covenant with our fellow man. It feels like more like greed than where we are going and the lessons we must learn which is the test we much all meet “ourselves”. It has nothing to do with getting rid of friendships and people in our lives. It has to do with understanding, compassion and growing through our pain and the pain of others who do not mirror our exact beliefs, our goals and our self involvement with our egos.

  • Safi

    It’s a great idea but what do we do when we have no one else but the negative friends? Iv posted before about this because it’s a very annoying issue in my life and I don’t know what to do. There are NO uplifting and positive people where I live. I have 2 friends. It’s a great place if you want to know how to milk a goat or rope cattle. I am truly alone on my journey. Is it better to just keep to myself or to still maintain these 2 not so healthy friendships? They are good people at heart but there literally is no one else around. I am not experiencing any “sense of connection” with any other human being (not by choice).
    I can’t move yet. And it’s a safe place for my kid. Do I just hunker down like a hermit until the day my last child turns 18 and then run? What would you do?

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your struggles with us Safi. A great remedy to this, in this present moment, would be to connect with other like minded individuals on this forum, Facebook, the internet. It’s not a permanent solution but it could definitely help you in the meantime :) Keep your head up–you’ll find them! -TDL Team

  • Lou-anne Stefankiw

    Awesome post!

    I’m not even super successful yet (it’s coming, I can feel it, ha), but following my dreams and asking the deeper life questions has some of my friends and family members uneasy. I have learned to only bring up what I’m doing at opportune times, and with great care. The best way that I can show that what I’m doing can make a difference, is by using what I teach personally and show a good example of the beauty of life when the deeper questions are asked!

    Thanks again, you seem to speak so much to the things that I question :)

    • The Daily Love

      We’re glad it hit home for you! We can sense the beauty of life radiating off of you Lou-anne! Thank you for reading! -TDL Team

  • Han

    Thank you so much for this. I have needed help with this one for over a decade. My pattern was: having the vision, working hard to make it happen, then have someone jealous destroy all my hard won success. It’s good to know that I’m not alone in this. It is also good to have the confidence to let go of and defend myself and my success from toxic people. I have noticed that (like Tony Robbins told you), the people you surround yourself with will rub off on you even if you try to resist it, so it’s important to choose these people mindfully. Thank you again! Love, Han

    • The Daily Love

      You’re definitely not alone! Thank YOU for reading and sharing :) -TDL Team

  • Turqueya Vincent

    Thanks for your “love service” Mastin Kipp! My friend plan includes your similar circle, Gabbie Bernstein, Marie Forleo, Shasta Nelson, Christine Hassler, Tony Gaskins, Iyanla Vanzant (claiming her as spiritual mom), Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, Marthra Beck…. I can go on.

    I’ve let go of “Pain bonders” as I like to bond in my power – not pain. And I’m creating time to connect with women moving with my same energy; this requires showing up in places by myself, expecting to meet other like-minded women.
    I’m sooo enjoying the journey! (:

    • The Daily Love

      What a great shift! From ‘pain bonders’ to Power Bonders!! Thank you for sharing Turqueya!! -TDL Team

  • Wildflower Women

    Thank you for this video and message. I am going to let go of friend who is like a vampire in terms of sucking my energy dry, and by letting go I mean letting go of my thoughts as I have not seen her since she called me freaking out and needing a ride to the “hospital” because she was sick with a cold/flu. Let me just say, nothing good came of this interaction other than me being emotionally exhausted once again, and I know better with this friend. So my goal, is to let go of my thoughts as to her and continue to move with the universe. I see that I tend to be the one everyone comes to and I carry all their burdens around, I almost seem to become a receptacle like a Native American Burden Basket, and I am too exhausted to take care of myself. I need someone at times too, and only I can make this happen once I refuse to take on everyone’s burdens. Did I mention I am the oldest child in the family. . . lol, need to get over that one! Thank you Mastin! <3

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your experience with us! You’ve got to take care of yourself first and it sounds like you are choosing to do that now. Way to go!! -TDL Team

  • LisaConsiglioR

    Mastin! First of all, your vids, you are freakin’ so hilarious…I love when your humor shines through even when talking about a tricky, deep topic. I really digged today’s episode…I’m in this space right now where I’m getting very aware of who really isn’t cool with me expanding and getting bigger in my biz as well as in my life. I am doing a lot of energy work and getting support from new friends (including Daily Love) on really working on myself and not looking outside or making excuses anymore. Very shocking to some of my old friends. You were so right on…people really bond and want to help when things are rough, but when things are booming and happy, not so much. So needed to hear your message today…I feel grounded and able to move forward without the guilt of leaving anyone behind. Mwah! xo

    • The Daily Love

      We’re glad you loved it Lisa! Thank you for sharing your experience, and thanks for reading! -TDL Team

  • Jay R

    Sometimes when you become successful, you have more money and new an exciting people enter your life. Old friends fear they are going to be left behind. They sense that they dont belong to your new world. Maybe they don’t have the money to pursue your new interests along with you, or realize they may not fit in with your new successful friends who may not be interested in them. It’s happened to me before I’ve been left behind and I’ve left others behind. Sometimes people manifest the hurt as jealousy, and it’s easier for us to dismiss it as jealousy, but sometimes it’s really something deeper. A sense of loss. It’s a neccesary shift. We shouldn’t feel guilty, but always show love. It’s part of everyone’s growth.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your insights with us Jay! -TDL Team

  • ss

    Here’s a bit of a spin….I’m the one who struggles with being jealous. I’ve been working on this area of my life for ages it seems…I create new possibilities of being and they just don’t seem to stick. I’m super aware that for me other peoples’ success means scarcity of abundance for me. I get that it’s all fiction and I made it up probably when I was very young and that it’s all just a memory response…brain neurons firing involuntarily. Look…I’ve transformed so many areas of my life…for some reason this area KEEPS PLAGUING ME! I think for my friends I come across as supportive most of the time because I do actively generate being supportive and happy for them but deep down I feel PAINS of jealousy…I even sometimes just admit to them that I’m feeling really jealous…and at times I do shut way down…the thing is I DON’T WANT TO FEEL CONSUMED BY JEALOUSY ANYMORE even if I do have all my friends fooled most of the time ya know!! I do avoid friends and people in general who are doing GREAT in any area of life where I believe I’m lacking…ANY AREA!! I don’t even want to risk being caught in the act of being jealous like I am…I think I would force people into having to take themselves out of my life. I know my friends can feel my absence…and I’m sick to death of working constantly on this area with seemingly little change in how my world occurs for me. I am willing to be fully responsible for how I experience my life…I’m still stuck in this green mud though.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your struggles with us, you are definitely not alone. Maybe instead of fighting this jealousy you experience you could accept it for a while and see how it transforms. A wise man once said ‘what you resist, persists.’ Best wishes to you! -TDL Team

    • MelleB

      I get jealous too. The economy is horrible and financially people are not moving forward for long periods of time, and many are moving backward. if that is your story you are not alone. And you are not alone in your jealousy. It’s natural.

  • Angela

    Thank you for the video Mastin, it has given me some insight! I let go of everything & people that has already let go of me. I stop give my time & energy to those who don’t value me!

    • The Daily Love

      Way to go Angela! Keep it up. Thanks for reading and sharing :) -TDL Team

  • http://www.iLOVEliberation.com/ Drew Parales

    This was a GREAT message today M! Thank you… I have been there, and sometimes I am still there. Its a tough one. It was so hard to recognize at first, because I am so passionate about my new practice, and honestly it is going pretty good I have to say! I am one of those people that when i say I am going to do something, I freakin do it. So after made the loving and serious decision to live out my passions and become a different kind of teacher and coach, I don’t know that many around me thought I would actually do it. When I did,.. as I am, things DEF began to change. I guess so many people around me assumed this was going to be some “hobby” that I was getting into (projection anyone?? haha) and didnt think I would go this far, with MANY things in life the last 3 years. I have accomplished SO MUCH. Now the people I do have around me are way fewer, but they ABSOLUTELY support my growth and cheerlead me all they way through the ups and downs of my business and practice! I am now experiencing us adding value to each other lives and its wonderful. Didnt know what I was missing.. It was tough to let some go, for sure. It hurt.. But in the end it was my growth that won out. And I continue to walk every day.. ups, downs, and all -arounds. And I have a great success team around me. We celebrate each other and life is more fulfilling than ever! Best of all it is wisdom I now get to teach and share… Thank you M, once again!
    All my Love, Drew

    • The Daily Love

      Way to go Drew!! You’re rockin’ & rollin’! Keep spreading the love :) -TDL Team

  • Sean O’Meara

    Well-timed message! I enjoy the combo of both wisdom & humor delivered with the Daily Love TV videos. (Oops! I think you dropped something. LOL!) Public comment, so not naming names BUT the action I’m continuing with is to make MORE room for friends that truly support me & add value. And quietly yet respectfully letting other friendships have less priority or a different category. It’s tough & painful, for sure, but my personal growth and ability to truly help & serve others demand this action. That’s my Why …

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your action steps–they’re great! Stay connected to your ‘why,’ it’s important :) -TDL Team

  • beautifulone08

    “Friendship is a two-way street. If you’re doing all the giving, you
    aren’t their friend. You are their free therapist. They should either
    add value to your life too or feel free to start charging them hourly
    for your services.”

    This message hit me dead in my core. I am that person that gives. Sometimes I feel like an over-giver! People call me all the time to lament about their lives, and I hang up a lot of times wondering if they will ever call just to ask what’s up with me. Great, great message!

    • The Daily Love

      We’rd glad it hit home for you! Thank you for reading and sharing! -TDL Team

  • Heather

    GREAT post! Number three is my favorite.

  • Kathleen Chelquist

    Appreciate the “goofy.” I have always been this way myself and embracing it more than ever. Also loved the reminder that all friendships do not need to be “deep.” Thanks,

  • MissHappySpirits.com

    oh! I just had an Aha! moment. Not all of my friendships have to be deep! Thank you so much. Sometimes I think that I cant be friends with people that I cant connect deeply with, but I don’t need to spiritually connect with everyone. Some friends are good for a deep conversation, some for laughing with and others for shopping dates!

  • enrique mario

    i feel the same, i think when i lie at the church floor and stop controlling my body and relax it to pay more attention to the missal, my family and friends are jelous of how i focus to the missal, but i think the judgement stopped

  • Rc

    Wow, great post! This is resonating for me now as I am growing into so much love. Every time I have grown, I have moved on from people quite naturally as they served a purpose in my life for a particular length of time-yet my growth triggered them hugely and their behaviour changed as I grew. I have noticed this too-that it comes from jealousy. First, when I started to feel unconditional love and talk about this feeling and become a lot more positive…this did not suit all of my friends. Now, with my positive vibration, I am increasingly attracting abundant experiences and feeling very successful and happy as a person. Unfortunately, this is not for everyone either.

    In the past, I see now that I made myself smaller and did not engage with what I thought was ‘bragging about my success.’ Not bragging is one thing, but it is nice to have friends who you can speak to about the positives and all of the great things in life. It’s so uplifting to celebrate life with those on the same page, to have other people celebrate successes with you because they are not threatened by your success and feel, as I do-that there is enough happiness and success in the world for every single person to access.

    At least it is an indicator of who life long friends are and I believe that focusing on those relationships that bring us joy in gratitude, and phasing out those that don’t is a good strategy for continuing to attract the success we desire in life and happy people to enjoy it with.

    I agree that surrounding yourself with people who inspire you is important and this is on my vision board this year. In lieu of (always) meeting people who are inspiring, as this can be rare, I focus these days on role models in society and consider these archetypes a part of my life :)

  • alexander sherrill

    im a federal officer US Marshal I have 2 girls and im rich by deffinition one Lawren is in morocco Hannah is in my bed every night,,,, my friends are angry that I have so much,,, i love my friends but they feel jealous Thank you for your continued help

  • Kiki

    I had a life-long friend whom I kept hoping would move past being jealous of me or anyone else. Eventually, I had to disconnect from this person as their negativity toward me and others loomed over every minute of every day. It never happened and with every success (which I just see as my life improving) more personal attacks came my way. It was the hardest break-up. I miss this person a lot, but I am not up for the lying, put downs, personal attacks, and varied belittling coming forth out of nowhere. Enough is enough. Some people have to be loved from afar.

    • lili

      Hi Kiki, i just recently broke up with my best friend of 20 years!! ( I am 30 now) it was heartbreaking! but my life kept moving forward and hers wasn’t. every step I made in a growing directions ( marriage then children then buying our dream home and now starting my own business) was a step further apart for her and I. She started getting very resentful and would lash out at me at times. I finally had enough and we cut our ties, Now I am excited about moving forward and surrounding myself with people who inspire and motivate me.