One of the colloquial terms that we used in the 60s to describe the philosophy of the day was “what you see is what you get.” Having had the opportunity to intimately observe human behavior for over 25 years, it’s become very clear to me that this colloquial quip is closer to the to the truth than I realized. Some people simply approach their lives with much enthusiasm finding great satisfaction as they optimistically greet their days, generally always assuming success. While others approach their lives with a critical eye, which places them in a constant state of discomfort with very little satisfaction, as they view their lives pessimistically, looking for proof and evidence as to why everything is so painfully difficult and just matter-of-fact terrible.
This is where one of my favorite quotes comes into play: “pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”
I’m speaking today to anyone that is struggling unnecessarily. I’m hoping to show you that you can find your way through your difficulty, realizing that things can change. Even though there may be little you can do in this very moment to change the outside circumstances of your life, in this moment, you do have the power to change your own reactions to these very same circumstances in your life.
Our thoughts create our feelings; it’s not the other way around. We can all change the way we feel about the people in our lives and our circumstances. But first we have to change the thoughts! It’s these subtle fleeting thoughts that cross our minds that leave a psychic residue, which creates daily wreckage. This daily wreckage accumulates and attracts more of the same evidence…Like a magnet.
I know that life doesn’t always deal all of us the same hand of cards. It’s not unusual to find yourself arguing for your limitations. When you see other people getting the breaks that you never got, having the opportunities available to them that you never received, it’s understandable that you may feel, if nothing else, that you must justify the bad breaks you’ve had along the way. But if we don’t challenge the validity for our need to suffer, we place ourselves at risk, unknowingly creating a life sentence. Too many of us sadly wind up identifying so completely with this that it can look like we are actually indulging these ” favorite feel-bad feelings,” justifying them and protecting them.
Success begins with a willingness to discover and honestly face the areas in our own lives where we did not quite grow up ourselves, where we are immature, no matter how old we are. Until our fear of going forward becomes less than the fear we have of staying right where we are, there won’t be much forward motion. But if we are fortunate enough to find ourselves in this kind of predicament, what we hope for next is making the choice to let go of our egocentric idea of self-sufficiency and replace it with a commitment to achieve self-understanding, facing and realizing our own limitations.
Understanding now how important it is to change the way we see things, which in turn changes the way we feel. We make the committed effort at dismantling some of these patterns and habitual beliefs in order to change these emotional habits. That requires understanding patience and self-discipline. There are some very practical ways that this can be done.
The sole question for the day is: do you really need to suffer?
Am I in emotional pain because I’m looking at things subjectively instead of objectively?
Challenging the validity for your need to suffer, ask yourself how will this change anything?
Will enduring this pain build character, or is it directly connected to self-pity?
Start out each and every day thanking your higher power for everything you’ve been given, everything that’s been taken away, and everything you’ve been left with. Ask your higher power for the power to stay in the moment, assuming that everything is moving toward your highest good, knowing that any other kind of thinking is neurotic; neurosis is the avoidance of existential pain.
No one can learn to be at home in his own heaven until he has learned to be at home in his own hell. Those of us that have found our success and peace of mind have been forced to face our own weaknesses and our own failures.
I want to encourage you that you can raise your bottom by calling on your higher power. Ask for insights about yourself and other people and about your world; ask what is necessary in order to maintain surrendered long enough to find your own success and peace of mind “on earth as it is in heaven.”
Love,
Trinka
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Trinka is a counselor and has run her private practice in Los Angeles for 20 years. She was Mastin’s personal therapist for many years. Check out her website here.
