We all have past hurts. Our parents, exes, friends, co-workers, etc. And sometimes it hurts to remember that were slighted, cheated, had our hearts broken or felt left behind. We remember events, songs, places, etc., that bring all those old memories and experiences to the forefront of our minds. And we are also flooded with the good memories of those events and awesome times as well. It is kind of confusing!
Back in June, I wrote about “Releasing Old Patterns of Sadness”, and I want to touch on and expand on that concept a bit more. I wrote about having sadness that lingered and how I thought that was Love. The hanging on, the yearning, the missing. Since then, I finally ironed out in my heart that that kind of pattern is not love. I now know that remaining in those patterns is nothing more than reliving the sadness.
I am learning to work through moments of sadness every day, and I feel that each time I do, I stronger and stronger. But I know I still have work to do. When good memories come up, I think about how good things were at the time and I am sometimes left feeling sad about a good memory.
Do you ever experience this? What makes good memories hurt so bad sometimes?
I have realized that we must work to let go of the pain associated with our bad memories and experiences that have hurt us. Because holding on to that pain taints and soils the good memories. That, my friends, is why it hurts sometimes when we recall something good.
We need to remember that when we love someone – no matter who they are or what they meant to us – that it is the happiness we feel and the love that we have for them that’s important. While we cannot love without being giving, giving with the intent of getting something back is many times the reason for strife and separation.
I believe that we have not fully learned in our human experience to give without expecting something in return. Or better yet, to love without getting something back. I’m talking about unconditional love. Loving someone means wholeheartedly giving with grace and without expectation.
I am not saying that we should let people walk all over us. There is a BIG difference when you love someone with out expecting. It is another experience entirely when your version of love means giving all of you away with nothing left over for YOU! It is up to us to be strong enough to build boundaries for ourselves and with others we choose to spend time with!
But you see, this all stems from giving while expecting something in return. When you do this, it causes grief when something you wanted is not handed back to you. If your relationships were/are built ONLY on what you will get back from the other person, you are not truly giving love freely. How would it feel to want others to be as happy as you are?
Well, when you stop believing that loving means holding onto pain, good memories will flow to your mind and heart. Suddenly, your memories will have a different meaning! It is the tight grip we have on the pain and disappointment that results from having an expectation and getting nothing in return or things not turning out the way we wanted them to that causes … wait for it … resistance.
When your go- to action is one of resistance, you energetically block good memories from flowing to you. It is when you look for the good that the blocks begin to disappear and you realize that being selfless with love is what creates your happiness and the happiness of those around you.
Good memories are not meant to be clouded with pain.
Always remember that letting go is an act of selflessness. Letting others be free to experience their happiness is perhaps the greatest gift you can not only give to them but yourself as well! Once you grasp that, your returns will be limitless!
Love is not meant to feel sour. Love is meant to be remembered fondly and without pain.
When you practice these principles, you will want the people whose lives you’ve touched to be happy – TRULY happy. By doing so, you liberate YOU! From this new place of grace, you’ll be free of the pain associated with bad memories. You will be left with sweetness where there once was pain.
So what bad memories do you have that you can transform today? How can you turn pain into love and freedom for both you and your loved ones? What expectations do you have of others that you can let go of? Let me know in comments!
Andrew “Drew” Parales is a vocational rehab educator for students with disabilities in transition & employment, a school site program & events coordinator/trainer. He is also the creator and personal growth mentor of “i LOVE Liberation” Connect with Drew at: www.iloveliberation.com and on Facebook: ILOVEliberation and Twitter: @iLOVEliberation.