When not getting what you want is exactly what you need

Getting what you want: we think this can be what life’s about.

But many times we don’t get what we want. And when we are young or immature, we complain about it. We worry about it. Without really getting clear on the bigger picture.

My friend Agapi told me: What is yours can never miss you. What misses you was never yours.

Learning this can be stressful. And this is one of the most profound lessons I’ve learned in life: sometimes Grace feels like a giant kick in the teeth.

I write all about this major life lesson in my new book Growing into Grace and share with you some of what I wrote about in my book in today’s Daily Love TV.

In the comments on the below, please let me know – has not getting what you wanted ever turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to you?

Lots of LOVE,


P.S. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

P.P.S. I’m going on a huge international tour. Check it out here.

P.P.P.S. To pre-order my new book, click here.

[Begin Transcript]

Hey I’m Mastin Kipp, founder of TheDailyLove.com and the author of the new book “Daily Love: Growing into Grace.” I am so excited because my new book “Daily Love: Growing into Grace” is coming out September 9th, so in honor of my new book coming out, I want to share with you a little bit about what’s going on inside the book in little tiny bit sizes for this Daily Love TV episode.

So in my book, one of the things I talked about is, you know I used to be a music Manager and I started managing a band who was kind of in the spiritual realm and they actually had a song in the film “What the Bleep Do We Know?” and this was the film that kind of started the personal growth moment in film and “The Secret” was followed shortly thereafter. But they had a song that put me in an environment that I had never been in before, I was in Hollywood, I was a music manager, and I was running around LA and all that type of stuff and all of a sudden I find myself at a personal growth conference in Santa Monica completely out of my element and I felt really strange.

At first I judged everything as strange and woo woo and I remember one time at this event, there was this woman taking chakra photography and I didn’t know what chakra photography was and I still don’t know what it is today, but what was fascinating was that she was really beautiful so I went over to her and I started talking to her. And I had this desire, at the time I was single I was looking for my partner, looking for my girlfriend, and that didn’t end up workout with this girl but it was funny because she did give me a cd set called “Energy Anatomy” by Caroline Myss which completely changed my life.

And the lesson in this story is that sometimes we are going for something and we are trying especially in the relationship department we can try and try and try and it doesn’t work out and it can be so frustrating right? I totally can understand how frustrating it could be when you are trying to make things and trying to make things work and it doesn’t work.

And here I was, you know, freshly sober looking for a relationship and instead of getting this relationship with this girl, I got this cd set and first I was pissed, I was like this is stupid this is B.S. I don’t want to do this I am just going to put it aside, and it sat in my car for a little while. Then finally one day I decided you know what I am just going to put it in. This cd set “Energy Anatomy” completely and totally transformed my life, completely and totally transformed my life.

And so the message is this; many times ‘When You Don’t Get What You Want, You’re Getting Exactly What You Need.’ When you don’t get what you want, you’re getting exactly what you need.

So think about the different areas of your life, right, think about your relationships, or business, or jobs, your family, friends, your finances whatever it might be have there been times or are you going through those times right now where you are so frustrated like gosh, I really want this thing to happen like the relationship or the job or the increase. And could this be that this delay and not a denial? Right? Could it be that there is a deeper gift for you? Could it be that there is even something more meaningful for you with not getting what you want? And I am curious did this happen in the past? I am sure this has happened in the past as well.

Just think about this because there are so many times we get comments and emails from people, honest people, who truly want and truly desire things to happen in their lives whether its love, or business, finances, or family or whatever it might be but, ‘could there be a larger plan? Could there be a plan for something even greater down the road? And could you choose to see not getting what you want in this moment as grace as an opportunity for you to go even deeper and to see maybe not right now but in a day, a week, a month you’ll get some perspective on why you didn’t get this and perhaps just perhaps it could be a little stroke of grace for you?

In the comments below, I’m curious, please let me know is there something that is not happening in your life, and could you chose to see that as a gift?

In the comments below let me know.

Can you believe it my new book “Daily Love Growing into Grace.” is out September 9th, I can’t wait to share it with you. To check out all the information on how to pre order the book head on over to growingintograce.com for all the information.

[End Transcript]

  • well…I’ve wanted to accomplish certain things in my career that have not yet taken place but if I try to see it as a grace, then maybe it’s to give me more time to develop emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, etc be able to handle and manage what will arrive.

    • The Daily Love

      Powerful Fe! What could you create from this perspective? <3 – Team Daily Love

      • melissa

        I believe on any given day if we slow down for a moment and breath in the miracle of life(go to church everyday as I call it)we can see how amazing the energy flow of it all is.
        Keep the focus on the high energy of your desires that may take years to create not how long the journey is taking.
        Patience truly is a virtue.Learn along the way
        love to our community

        Melissa designs

  • I can relate to this, Mastin! I remember over 2 years ago I wanted a promotion with the company I was working with and had horrible experiences there. While I didn’t get it at the time and kept asking why is this happening. I realized after months and working with a career coach that this company and even the position wasn’t what I needed or even really wanted. I’m now a Spiritual Life and Wellness Coach who helps women find their voice and truth to create and have a meaningful life that they love. It hasn’t been an easy journey but it’s been rewarding and I’ve found my true calling. Thank you for sharing this with us, love and light!

    • The Daily Love

      Amazing @nadjejdachapoteau:disqus! Thanks for sharing your inspiring story with us today!! <3 – Team Daily Love

    • Vanessa

      Do you mind if we connect? I am trying to transition into something similar to what you do. I am curious on how you did it.

    • Tessia Méndez

      That’s awesome Nadjejda! Thank you so much for sharing! I’m struggling to find my true path right now and I really hope that looking backwards a few years later I’ll feel as happy and satisfied as you’re now =) Thanks!

      • You will Tessia, just keep exploring your passions and you’ll be get there sooner rather than later! And be patient. Love and light! 🙂

        • Tessia Méndez

          Thank you!! I’ll follow your advice. Love and light =)

  • Esti

    Yuppp.. I’ve had my share, been there done that. BUT.. life and its challenges don’t stop there. As am now writing, am faced with another challenges. Similar to wot I went through before, am still in the process of figuring the blessings behinds these setbacks. In my opinion, the point is not to focus on the challenges but to focus on the “smart” and best solutions for them. Wish me luck, Mastin! Bless you! Thanks again for sharing with us.. love and light.

    • The Daily Love

      Love the idea of focusing on the smart and best solutions Esti! Thanks for sharing your insight with us today 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • LovingMe

    Mastin, I thank you for this episode. It was exactly what I needed right now. My human experiences have hit rock bottom. Business is slow. The one I love doesn’t love me like I love her. I’m loving myself in these experiences and it is challenging. I hope you know that your work is valuable. You gave me some hope today. Much love and light to you.

    • The Daily Love

      So grateful to have you here and sharing this LovingMe! Sending you so much Love right now <3 – Team Daily Love

  • yeohlee

    I’m in that place now and have been for over a year. I am in a job which is unsatisfying and unrewarding. My boss does not appreciate the work I do and last Christmas decided not to give me my annual bonus because he had some personal expenses coming up in the New Year, for instance, purchasing new cars, vacations, home improvements. I was very close on two job opportunities, both which fell through for one reason or another. I saw a healer in January who told me I would be offered the most exciting opportunity of my life and I just needed to decide on a date and that date was this past April 16…come and gone. So…when do I get what I want?

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks so much for opening up and sharing your story with us today Yeohlee <3 being patient can be SO tough and I'm sure many others can relate. Sending you so much Love <3 – Team Daily Love

    • Porky

      I wonder if the date you had to set was a date for doing something about your situation? Walk in, quit that job, and then see what happens. No excuses, no waiting. Yes, I’ve done it, yes it was difficult, yes it was a good idea. At the time I had two small children and I was a single parent with no savings. None of us starved and all of us are happier today.

  • Yes! In so many instances in my life (especially the past 3 years) not getting what I wanted has turned into something I couldn’t have imagined. Presently, I’m attempting (attempting) to keep this in mind again. I know patience is a virtue and I need to block out the inner Veruca Salt (I want it NOW!) and tap into the presence and grace already existing in my life. Miracles happen when this happens- thanks for this episode and reminding us to release our fears of “if it’s not happening right now it’s not happening” and just to believe in the un-believeable, in the larger plan, in the needs and not the wants. xo

    • The Daily Love

      Love this Sapphire! Thanks so much for sharing this today!! <3 – Team Daily Love

  • mel

    Going through this now. Quit my job in March after many, many signs that it was time to leave. Quit without anything lined up which was scary. I wasn’t anticipating for it to take 5+months to get a job and I’m still job searching. I feel guilty now asking my parents for money, but have applied for Unemployment as a backup and going to another recruiter today. I’ve gotten interviews here and there, but nothing has panned out. And yes, I’m remembering that God’s reject is protection and delay is not denial. I’ve had my meltdown moments, but keep reminding myself that a job is coming and that this is all happening for my higher good and I’m totally supported by the Universe. It’s hard at times to remember that, but I need to be willing to receive that support, even if it’s from my parents. Keeping the faith …

    • Tessia Méndez

      Cheer up Vanessa! I’m sure that as Mastin shares today, it’s just meant to be =) I may be in that same position too and it’s really scary! I’m trying to practice just Living in the Present and I think that deep inside I know that this is my path and I’m running towards my true goal. Let’s keep the faith lit =) Tons of love!

    • The Daily Love

      Keep going Mel! I’m sure many Daily Lovers can relate. Grateful you are a part of of this community and opening up with us today 🙂 sending you So much Love! <3 – Team Daily Love

    • david

      sounds like my scenario!.. lol. Keep your head up my friend, Im trying to have faith everything will work out too. I hope you find the career or job for you

  • Tessia Méndez

    Thank you so much Mastin! As many in this wonderful community I really needed to hear that today and be remembered that it’s OK and that everything will be OK just focusing on loving the present, living in the present moment, feel love and gratitude toward myself and all things today. That’s all I need and all I really want. I want to believe that this path will lead to my true self and calling. Thank you! With love =)

    • The Daily Love

      Beautifully put Tessia! Thanks for watching and sharing this with us today 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • Hila

    This is literally happening to me right this second. All I want right now is to travel to europe for one week for my birthday to meet a girl ive been talking to for 5 months online and enjoy pure ecstasy. I know this relationship wont work out in the end but I have this deep wanting to meet her anyway even though it may create worse feelings in the future. Everyone is telling me not to go and im sitting here feeling so empty because that is the only thing that can make me truly happy right now. I wonder if I should act on impulse like i always do and let myself enjoy temporary happiness or stick around in misery and wait to see if me not getting what I want will set me straight for a more ultimate genuine happiness down the line. Who knows 🙁

    • The Daily Love

      What is your heart telling you to do Hila? <3 – Team Daily Love

      • Hila

        My heart is telling me to go. But I make a lot of stupid decisions that hurt me more afterward.

  • Karina Lopez

    I didn’t get the job I wanted, but instead, I got work that gave me my greatest lessons in empathy, resilience, and spiritual activism. I haven’t gotten the relationship I wanted, but instead, have gotten opportunities to love and care for myself, ever more deeply. These supposed denials have for me been blessings in disguise. The Stones sang it best “You can’t always get what you want…” But I’ve found, even in not trying sometimes, I always get what I need.

    • The Daily Love

      Amazing perspective and love those lyrics Karina! Thanks so much for sharing this today!! <3 – Team Daily Love

  • mmqc

    Thank you so much for the inspiring video and uplifting words! I really appreciate how you share these relatable moments in your own journey. Persistence, time, and acceptance are all very helpful in me facing the numerous moments in my life that have been big no’s when they happened. A divorce three years ago felt like a confusing, soul shattering no when it happened. Three years later though I’m in a much happier and stranger place than I could’ve anticipated. A job loss this year of what I thought I was supposed to be doing granted me four months of time and space to do some uncomfortable, but fruitful soul searching post divorce. Today, I’m not in my dream career (yet!), but I’ve learned the joy of filling my life with things that light me up like songwriting, guitar, art, and yoga! Thank you for the inspiring words!

    • The Daily Love

      Beautiful mmqc!! Thanks so much for watching and sharing with us today! 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • Wow! Needed this today. I’ve just been struggling with something that I’ve wanted for so long and today I got news about it and my first thought was wow this isn’t going to work out how I want it too. But maybe I’m getting exactly what I need. I’m choosing to trust the universe and see how this ends up. Who knows where it will lead.

    • The Daily Love

      Powerful Samiyah! Let us know how it goes! 🙂 -Team Daily Love

  • Ken Bartram


    • The Daily Love

      Hey Ken! Thanks for opening up and sharing this! It’s so important to keep our standards high, ask for what we want, and then let go of the outcome! Sending you so much Love right now <3 – Team Daily Love

  • Lori Glier

    Mastin powerful, I am getting a lot of friends saying things like if they miss the will call if they care they will show up.Then you talk about what misses you never was yours. the last few days I have seen major security at a movie , then major security in a movie and a woman that married a man and then turned around and divorced him. I have worked long hard hours on letters of love and on my company and continue to get closed doors. the other day my life flashed before my eyes and I could have been dead or in a coma my health is so important to me and my family.
    I am a very very passionate person and when I love someone or a dog a cat it forever today I madly drove out to the humane society crying as I drove thinking someone else may adopt my pup. Then I thought to myself I am sending these love letters of passion and yet maybe if this was never meant to be that is why they never call or never show up or never care. I thought what am I meant to truly do or love as there must be a much deeper and bigger plan for me if this man does not show up in my life.

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for watching and opening up with us today Lori! It can be helpful to remember that the joy is found in the journey, you SO deserve big things! Keep going! Sending you so much Love right now <3 – Team Daily Love

      • Lori Glier

        Heaps of love Mastin and Team Daily Love!

  • Lolo

    Hello Mastin. I have to admit this video hit me hard. I’ve been in a situation for the past six years and slowly it starting to get out of hand. You could call it a blessing but I’m not quite sure was the Universe is telling me. I sort of have three different types of family. Family A is my family I was born from. Family B would be old/close friends and Family C is my boyfriend of 6 years. However due to negatively, many disagreements and even been attacked by my brother for this choses. No one is fully happy with my boyfriend. No one can be even be in the same room with him. Now before you ask he hasn’t hurt me in any way. Because this has happened to him in the past with other women and they left, he believes that society doesn’t like him and I can do better. All I ever wanted is for every one to be civil so when it comes to any sort of social event, I wouldn’t be going alone. Lately I have become isolated from all three families and not sure what to do or say, everyone have made it quite clear how they feel and will not move. My big question is what dose the universe want me to do, I am finding it a bit of a struggle to know that as long as i am with him it will never change. Do I move and start fresh on or do I stick by him. I am happy for any feedback. Thank you for sharing.

    • The Daily Love

      What is your heart telling you Lolo? <3 – Team Daily Love

      • Lolo

        Do you have any advice?

  • mistermal

    “There are only 2 tragedies in life. Not getting what you want, and getting what you want.” -Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

    • The Daily Love

      Love this mistermal! Thanks for sharing with us today 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • Wylie McGraw

    Love the drive #TDL, thank you for what you do!

    There is nothing wrong with wanting, that is why we are here-for the contrast of focus on what we want versus what we don’t want. The task is learning how to focus without the how and when, and trusting the process, feeling good about your desires. We are all deserving beings and there is plenty of abundance to go around the world. We are all powerful co-creators and our experiences reflect our internal world. This is why we still face conflict all over the globe. People are so focused on the very thing they want to end (wars, plagues, dis-ease,etc.). What we resist, persists! When we stop giving it attention, it goes away. When we stop fearing it and thinking that it will happen, it cannot draw into your experience. When you want something, it is already energetically created, but it manifests into the physical when we set up favorable conditions and enjoy the want. It is not about stopping the want to actually get what you want, it is about stopping the worry on how and when. You have to want (thought, intention, desire) something for it to manifest!

    For me, my biggest lessons come in the appreciation of what I have so I allow space for the things I want to manifest into my life. When we don’t appreciate what we already have, how can the Universe deliver the other things with this energy being so negative? You wouldn’t appreciate those things if you cannot do so right now for what is already in your life. Basing happiness upon future events takes us out of the now and will keep us from ever experiencing the things we truly want. We cannot speak of shortage, yet experience abundance.

    With Love & Light

    • The Daily Love

      Beautifully put Wylie! Thanks for sharing these powerful words with us today! <3 – Team Daily Love

  • Raque

    I always wanted to find the right person all my life and it has yet not happen and I kind of wonder if it’s ever going to happen.

    • John

      The right person is looking back at you in the mirror ,

    • The Daily Love

      Looks like John has offered some inspiring words Raque! <3 – Team Daily Love

    • maddie

      Please love yourself fully first . I know it’s not easy. Anyone have ideas on this?

  • John

    Like the saying goes we get what we need but never what we want or is that a song don’t remember, but anyway life is always teaching us when we least expect it, the lesson is always more important than what we want and we always get what we need, one thing I want more than anything is patiences or should that be a need lol

    • The Daily Love

      Love it John! One could always use some more patience 🙂 thanks for watching and sharing today! – Team Daily Love

  • Chasity

    I can so relate to this in so many areas and have countless experiences were I’m grateful that God didn’t bless me with what I wanted… Here recently, I’ve been on a massive job search and nothing has come through to date. It’s not that my job is horrible but I’m sick and tired going to the same place for the past nine years especially now I finally figured out what I really want to do in my career. However, the reality for me is that I have two kids and debt so I just can’t quite…. I had an ephinany the other day that it’s a reason I’m still there. God knew that my current job was flexible enough to allow me to work, get off in time to be home when my kids arrived home from school and give me an opportunity to pursue my passion.

    • The Daily Love

      Beautiful perspective Chasity! Sending you so much Love <3 – Team Daily Love

  • lynn fisken

    True That xxx thats the medicine – letting go of desired outcomes and smelling the flowers surrounding you right here right now xxxx Nice xxxx

    • The Daily Love

      Yes Lynn! Thanks for watching and sharing this today! 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • Lesley B Fay

    I really love this topic as this is my life.I only understand in hindsight the gifts of not getting what I thought I had to have. My ego and old ideas demanding what it thinks I need, the time frame of delivery and the package that it should come in. It begins sweetly and softly talking to me, soothing me and then it beats it fist and snarls that nothing is fair and you deserve more. When I step into that sticky wicket, it is about never getting my share, the world is not fair, I have to fight to stay ahead, I have to get there before you, I am not enough unless I get this (fill in the blank from chocolate to the lottery) and this will make me happy (ditto). I am grateful that I have a Higher Power and that I am willing to do the daily work to stay grounded. Most of the time my wants and must haves never happen but when it does, the metamorphosis that comes with my manipulation, dishonesty, self pity, all the tricks that my ego has up it’s sleeve, delivers a cosmic ass kicking. I know these are the times that my life changes profoundly because I am willing (with time) to look at where I set this in motion. I used to be a victim of everything and now I am a victim of nothing. This is freedom.

  • Jennifer Cain

    I am in big transition mode right now. Looking for work, to move out of my parents etc. The thing that is most hindering me right now is my financial situation. I am attending a really wonderful spiritually based event in London as a volunteer but I am struggling for a place to stay and don’t have the money to pay to stay in London for five nights and to eat. I have exhausted all viable options and now I just need to give it up to God. Everyything else has been booked and paid for except the place to stay and I can’t ask my parents again as they always bail me out and it would feel yucky. Pray for me please! xxx

    • Jerry Willi

      Hi Jennifer, I’m not sure where the event is but I can offer you a couch to crash on at my place in Stratford (East London)? Feel free to message me on FB and we can figure the details out 🙂 xxx

  • Melissa Burchell

    I find in life I am just starting to notice this happening. I have always wanted a daughter a little girl. I didn’t get what I wanted and I am so grateful for that. We have four beautiful boys and life couldn’t be more amazing. I love it!

  • PG

    I know this sounds crazy but I am struggling with the fact that my son has chosen to quit football. I feel like I was the one who said the wrong thing while he was playing or didn’t say the right thing to keep him happy and motivated with the game. He has played since 3rd grade and decided to quit as a junior in HS. I feel like he is making a mistake and I wish I could go back and say the right thing to help him make the decision to stay in the game. I am obsessing over the fact that he quit and I know everything happens for a reason. I know it leaves a hole in my life with the games and our friends that we have had for years so this is part of my anxiety. I wish I could accept his decision without second guessing myself and what I didn’t do to help him with his decision to play again.

  • maddie

    I had a guy betray me horribly. He lied and lied and was 2 timing me. Now he seems to have it all…new girl who he is happily showing off and a great career. But he dumped me so badly and hurt me. Any thoughts?

  • Narendran Ranganathan

    I don’t understand what’s “immature” in getting upset over not getting the things we desire !!! If those things are NOT meant for us , why the fuck God should create a desire in us for those objects ???…Plz don’t “cliche” -> everything is for OUR good…it is good ONLY for God who derives a sadistic pleasure from our suffering !!!

  • Heather

    Wow. This came along when I needed it! I’ve been struggling with changes in a relationship with someone very close to me. She’s been one of my best friends for most of my life, and our bond is especially strong because we’re also family. A death of someone very close to us has really affected her, and unfortunately the way we relate. I made a decision while grieving to take care of myself, and she saw that as me not showing up for her. Ever since that moment there was been a shift in our friendship. I have tried to get her to talk it out with me, but she refuses. I’ve been working on trying to show up and get back what we’ve had, but it’s not happening. Just when I think I see some hope, she does something to push me away. This past weekend was the last straw. I found out that she revealed something I had told her in confidence to another family member. Rather than hold back and stew, I sent her a text telling her that I was hurt by what she did, and that trust is very important to me. She has yet to respond. So, here I am trying to work through the resentment and accepting the truth that she’s not invested in our relationship the way she use to be. This video has given be a new point of view, which I needed. She’s obviously not in a healthy place, and maybe I need to embrace the separation that’s happening as a gift. It’s painful, but it may be a blessing in disguise in ways I’m not seeing just yet. Anyway, thanks Mastin 🙂

  • tod/enrique/animal boy

    wait, what? me woke up in a past day and this is the best excuse i get fow no-p getting a pewfect day aftew night? how come i didn’t get in sync with law of attwaction?

  • Laura

    Everyday, I think to myself that what I want also wants me. When I don’t walk into this thought the UniVerse doesn’t recognize my positive thoughts, it only hears my doubts and not truly believing that I am most worthy of living a charmed life. It may seem selfish to others saying that aloud, but whatever you are yearning for in life…you must believe in it and not chat so much about it. Just support yourself in positivity, practice patience, and believe that life does want you to have the desires of your heart. You must know that what is for you is for you. Hard work and self approval is the key. Now, go out there and grab your spice of life!