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When The Heartache Is Over!

Drew ParalesI was pondering the other day what a phenomenon it is that our “hearts” actually have the ability to heal. From things like heartbreak, loss, disappointment, perceived failure, you name it– whatever makes our heart “ache.” Usually it lingers in its aching stage because we keep hanging on the hurt. I’ve noticed that we do this “hanging on” thing by staying angry, keep talking about it, we keep questioning it, we keep feeling like s**t, worthless, not deserving, victimized, and worst of all… we keep that negative talk going on and on in our heads. At least that’s what I did. Any time I would experience a “trauma” to the heart, I would keep myself believing that I “needed” to hang on to it. (Really? Did I need to stay on the cross?!) This was because my “trauma” would become an experience I would learn from. That no matter what the situation was, I would NEVER experience that again because of what I learned from it by keeping it my memory for all of eternity! WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I can be so bad at hanging on…

hangingon

If you think about it, where does that really get us? So we remember this pain, this wound in our minds and hearts, saying over and over again that “we’ll never have to go through that again” because we know better, and sure, that may be true. But what about the healing? Just because we will always remember how we were hurt, does that really mean that we cannot heal? I used to think when we go through a heartache and never want to feel that way again, we treat our heart like a protection device…yet the kind of pain that riddles us right after an event, that causes us to shut down, changes us in ways that we swore we never go to, or turn to. Now I’ve learned that deep down we also want to be FREE of this pain! Free of the memories that took us there. We want to heal– to have our hearts be good as new! No matter the depth of the trauma, our hearts have an astounding ability to heal and come back stronger than ever!!

flu

Here’s what came to me: We get cuts, bruises, scrapes, break a bone– heck, we even get the dreaded flu somehow each year… and we tend to these illnesses and wounds hour after hour and day after day. We pray and hope that all the care, energy, ointments and bandages we put on them will heal it. We eat right and exercise to lose weight, we talk to ourselves into buying over-the-counter beauty and skin care products in hopes that our skin will glow and improve with age. But SOMEHOW— many of us that suffer from a heartache tend to just walk away and pretend it doesn’t hurt. OR worse, we nurse along the heartache like a watered-down cocktail and victimize ourselves for months, years, even decades thinking we either deserve to live with this pain for eternity, or we go into denial and don’t ALLOW our hearts to heal.

Healing Heart

Why must we do this to ourselves? Where in our life’s experience did someone train us that living with a heartache is just a part of life? You can bet that if we cut our finger slicing sushi or if that fabulous North Star Constellation of zits makes an appearance on our face that we do something about it! But I see that many of us (and I’m one of us, like you wouldn’t believe..) ignore our hearts way too much. Of course there is no pain like a newly broken one, but what I’m expressing is that when we suffer a disappointment, a loss, a heartbreak, a letdown, that it’s ok to grieve for a while. It’s okay to take as long as you need to heal, even if your peers suggest otherwise. So much like a wound to our skin, we can take the same love and care to our amazing hearts! We do this by reaching out to our support team, and by talking to it (yes— talk to it!) Tell it how much you Love and care for it. Increasingly take on activities that make your heart sing and smile more often. Accept that its ok to move on, that you deserve to regenerate a lively and amazing heart full of Love again! LIBERATE yourself from the horrible little things that we say each day to ourselves like we are not worthy of abundance, money, Love, our Soul mates, our children, a better job, a fascinating career and, best of all, the ability TO HEAL– to move on and be even better than we could possible imagine we could be! Treat your heart to Love and tenderness. Take time to heal it when it gets bruised by that rejection letter, that friend who disappointed you, that lover who walked out, that special person who is no longer with us. You know that our hearts are the CORE of our bodies and give EVERY CELL in our bodies’ energy and life. So why wouldn’t you treat your heart even better and give it as much attention as you would that stubbed toe? Our heart is a muscle and just like our biceps, the more reps we do to heal it, the stronger is gets. (It’s stronger than we give it credit for.) It builds a memory. Hey if ya get to the gym, then get to healing that heart of yours. And it will heal… if you LET IT! As we do, we will no longer feel the separation between the heart and the mind. When the heartache is over, you won’t be missing what is gone, and you won’t be looking over your shoulder. (Thank you Tina Turner!) What you’ll get is a “heart” without scars, a heart without tears. Instead you’ll have a heart with renewed courage, bravery and the willingness to invite faithLOVE and even some risk in all over again!

What areas of your life has your “Heart” been aching in? Can you take the time to heal it? I’d really love to hear from you!

With Great Love,

Drew

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Andrew “Drew” Parales is a Vocational Rehab Educator for students with disabilities in transition & employment, a school site program & events coordinator/trainer. He is a former studio photographer and most recently captures landscape stills as a creative outlet and form of art. Now he is bringing all his years in Education and Artistry to the world as a Liberation & Personal Inspirational Writer/Creator and Mentor at his Blog www.iLOVEliberation.com. His work with individuals is based on his own personal breakthroughs (and being Life Coached himself), his students, inspiring Liberation, and Self-Love. Connect with Drew at:

www.iloveliberation.com

Facebook: ILOVEliberation

Twitter: @iLOVEliberation

  • Em

    Ha ha, thank you Tina Turner indeed! I really loved your shared words…I will make sure I go back to this when I need a little reminding. Really felt what you were saying from the heart xoxoxox

    • Drew

       YES! Isnt Tina awesome?! Thank you Em… This article really did come from the heart.. a healing one at that! =) Glad this will be a great reminder for ya!
      LOVE
      Drew

  • Gayle

    This makes SO much sense…we treat our visible wounds with care, why not treat our heart the same way when it is hurting?  I think sometimes we tell ourselves we need to be “tough” and “suck it up” and get on with our lives, yet by doing this we don’t allow the true healing to occur…and that’s where we get into a bad place and turn ourselves into victims and even martyrs.
    What is that saying from the book The Sacred Yes…”Feel, deal & heal”???  We all need to take the time to feel the pain, deal with the pain, and then HEAL the pain…it’s the only way we can truly learn and grow from the experience.  I think we all seem to hesitate and sometimes hover in the “feel” and we tell ourselves we are “dealing” with it by running away from the “healing” part and pretending we’re fine.  We run away from the most important part!  Taking care of our hearts and actually HEALING them.
    Life’s challenges are what make us stronger and teach us the greatest lessons.  But we can’t forget to take care of the core muscle that governs our love and our well-being.  We are ALL representations of L.O.V.E. and we deserve to “Liberate Our Very Existence” by treating our hearts like the precious things they are, and allowing the heart to heal so that it can continue to sing and share our love with others!!!

    • Drew

       Thank You Gayle for reading my share! Yes that book is amazing, and very much the same idea! Lets create a revolution to start healing ALL of our hearts! Thank you for your words…
      LOVE LOVE!
      Drew

  • Graylogan94

    Great article, made my day, thank you….

    • Drew

       Thank you SO much Gray… glad this meant a little somethin’ to you! Making your day makes mine!
      LOVE
      Dre

  • Cueckert

    I couldn’t agree more. One of my least favorite sayings is “suck it up”. In today’s hectic world, it’s easy to forget how important it is to let yourself feel what you feel and take time to grieve. I think people would carry a lot less “baggage” in their life if we would take the time to heal from life’s tribulations. I have to admit, there’s many times in my life when I just keep moving on without taking time to heal and just feel what I’m feeling and that it’s ok.

    • Drew

       Hi C!
      Yes, isnt it true?! We do this SO naturally. is unreal… Im happy to hear that you know the difference. Always take time to for you and your heart! Thank you for sharing with us!!
      LOVE
      Drew

  • Kara

    Thank you for this article! I know my heart is newly wounded and this time I’ve been taking every moment to replace the bandage, soak the cut with light, and breathe with the leftover aches and pains instead of holding my breathe and tensing up, trying to not feel the pain and push it away with mind, much like we might do with a cut on our arms. Like a cut on our arms, we might wince in pain as we clean it, cry out, so when I feel that with my heart, I do just that and not hold it in. Every day is a little better, sometimes though it feels a little harder to take care of it, to keep having to care of it, but I realize its not because it’s not healing, its just the stages of healing changes, also, I realize it is important to notice if I’ve neglected the bandage and letting bacteria start to take over, so sometimes the cleaning and replacing the bandage is a little more painful then yesterday Eventually I know, from every other wound I’ve had in life, it will heal before I even know and it will be miraculously healed, like wow, when did that happen! I’ll realize no more bandaides are needed and exposing it to air will feel so good, going back out to play!

    • Autitania

      Kara and Drew,
      Thanks for this. Drew you hit the nail on the head. I too hold onto my emotions too much and almost feel I wallow in my pain to long. After a bitter break up, I feel like you, Kara, each day is it’s own day. I’ll have a good one – then a bad one.  I often analyze what I did wrong, even though I know in the end it really was him who couldn’t make us work and that in the long run I am better off.  

      I think I am spending time trying to avoid the pain, when in parts I need to embrace it. I was engaged, going to marry this guy and he broke my heart.  His actions now, don’t reflect the great person I am…but its ok to be in pain and to express it.  Even to express anger/fear/regret.  We put so much of “us” into a relationship, it really is like a physical cut when it falls apart.

      Thanks for sharing your stories!

      • Drew

         Autitania,
        Thank you for being so open about what you are going through.. SO many of us like Kara do this! We hold on too long… I just had question it! You said it right that we still hold on to it,.. when we avoid it! Take some time, pay attention and give care to your ache. Hold it, love it… It makes a huge difference. Wishing you all the healing and love in the world!!
        Drew

    • Drew

       What beautiful openness Kara… thank you. How beautifully said… You are on the right track. If just see that our heartache is much like a cut or open wound, and we tend to it like you,.. it starts to heal. Seems like it gets worse before it gets better, but isnt that how wounds go? Its always little icky before get back to being shiny all over again! Knowing you going out to play is the best medicine! Great job!
      With Love and healing,
      Drew

  • mk

    I really like your blog . I have a question , when suffering from heart ache , we often wait for the other person’s apology to heal it . Often this does not happen . Even if we are able to heal ourselves, how should we behave with that person , especially in intimate relationships where one person is living with you ? 

    • Drew

       Hi MK,
      If we look at it like this: When relationships are that deep, where we give of ourselves to share space and live with them, and they happen to the cause of heartache, it takes longer to move on and heal from the ache. Sometimes, if removing ones self from the space COMPLETELY isnt an option at the moment, spend time increasingly doing things away from the space that gives you joy. Doesnt have to be like nothing ever happened, we all know that ache will linger, but its in the trying and spending time in your own energy that helps heal. Do things that give you Love, connection and support. Those are your bandages.. ;) Waiting for an apology is sometimes like asking for salt to be poured back on the wound.
      What can you do , where can you go to today to help get to the healing? ;)
      Big Love
      Drew

      • mk

        Bless you so much . I wish you true love, success and inner peace . 

  • zanabites

    Perfect timing :)

    • Drew

       Dont we just LOVE perfect timing?! =) Glad this helped Z!
      Love
      Drew

  • Kate

    Thank you, Drew. This definitely helps. I am definitely in a “lost” and unhappy state of mind. I’m an almost-39-year-old single white female who is an also an actress. Besides being single (and really, really trying to be ok/happy about it), I’m also dealing with rejection after rejection from plays, etc. First time in my career this has happened to me. I think I’ve gotten used to the rejection from men (certainly have dealt with that heartache, and will learn to soothe/take care of my heart more with that aspect), but my heart is now hurting from what I love most of all, and that’s theater (and it’s my career, my livelihood, my true love). It’s a new kind of heartache for me, and it still hurts — the rejection of not being good enough. Or just good enough at this very moment. 

    I’ve been reading TDL for a while now, and it does help. Absolutely. I’ve become more positive and certainly more loving in myself. I’m caring for my heart — but perhaps I need to do more. I still feel the pain all over again from each stabbing blow. 

    But I do appreciate your article. I will try to follow this advice. 

    Thank you.

    • Drew

       Hi Kate!
      When the amount of self-worth you have for yourself goes up, the rejections sting less and less. In addition to Loving ourselves fully, we also need to step into a place of high worth and esteem, they are like the ointments to the cut. Dont get me wrong, its a process, but staying in those places after a blow too long without bringing as much joy as you can to your heart, (esp in your industry) can be quite devastating! Healing will come when you find add’l Loves in your life. Dont leave acting behind, but what else else can you do that brings more Love in?
      Care for your ache, and then get out there and play!  You are doing great! Wishing you so much healing Kate!
      Love
      Drew

  • Estela52

    Love, Love, Love, the world lives on love and yet it is so difficult to come by.  At least for me at my time in life.  Having had many loves and then loosing them has been a very difficult journey.  I have moved on, but the trail of heartache continues albiet much smaller.  When love is gone you do loose a little of your heart.  But, as the saying goes: “Time heals all wounds” the pain keeps getting smaller.  These are the lessons we must learn, that with care and time the heart is always ready to try again.

    • Drew

       Nicely said Estela…. With the lessons comes healing, and with that the heart is ready to invite Love in all over again! Thank you…
      Love
      Drew

  • Queen

    Lovvvvvve it!!!

  • DMarie310

    DREW! HELP!! How do I forward this article on to someones email? I have a dear Friend in need of your healing words…Someone that was crushed years ago and is stuck. I would love so much for my Friend to have this article in his hands so he can see that life really does move forward &  it’s time for him to finally release the past so he can find love and joy again in his life…I wish you all the best!  

    • Drew

       oh my goodness! Well D, you can copy and paste link of the URL of this page and forward it to him or have him sign up/go to my blog and email me. I’d be very happy to send him and you a copy of this blog post via email! http://www.iLOVEliberation.com Let me know how else I can help! Best of luck, hope to hear from you guys!
      LOVE
      Drew

  • Katillac007

    Wow!! So true Andrew!  I love the  comparison of a physical wound, how we tend to that, and yet, we do not take the same care with our heart.  The emotional process of healing, learning from it, and most importantly, being kind to ourselves during that time.  The dedication to the idea that “This will never happen again!”  However, if we do take the needed steps to fully heal, we do run the risk of repeating a high risk behavior.  So well written Andrew; you are my inspiration…everyday!!!!

    • Drew

       Big Love and Thank you Katillac!!! ;) You inspire me even more! Thank you for your amazing words…
      All my Love
      Drew

  • LJMan

    More great thoughts you’ve put out. Thanks! Been working on issues of self worth, deservability and letting things be. So many areas are so good and then there are subconscious ideas that seem to be running things and sabatoging myself in areas of money, abundance, deservability and the like. Ready for new ideas to take hold.

    • Drew

       GO get em LJ!!! Wishing you the best! You are very much deserving… Take hold!
      Love
      Drew

  • Sandy

    Thanks so much Drew.  I never really took the time to think about it this way.   What you say makes so much sense.

    • Drew

       Happy it resonated with you Sandy! Im glad you took something away from this!
      Love
      Drew

  • Sdsteverino

    I have nothing to add to your post other than wanting to say Congratulations!  It is amazing seeing you share your words of wisdom now on TDL!!!  You rock!

    • Drew

       Im sorry you couldnt take anything away or relate to anything from this blog, but your wishes are known!
      Drew

  • Shesche7

    The stunning writing and your wise insights continue to blow me away.  You have truly found your niche and purpose.  I applaud you with wonder and love!!!!!

  • Shirley

    And I forgot to say what an honor it is to call you friend!!!!

    • Drew

       Awwww. thank you!!! I am *blushing*
      Love
      Drew

  • Tricia_Anne

    Drew,

    Your words truly touch my heart. It is so true that ignoring our emotional pains causes the suffering to linger and doesn’t allow us to truly heal our heart wounds and be open to fully love and share our hearts again. I am learning that in order to heal the wounds to my heart, I must treat myself with the same love, patience and kindness as I would treat a good friend in pain. 

    Thank you for sharing your experiences!

    • Drew

       How beautiful… Thank you Tricia Anne… Always treat yourself with as much and more kindness. Healing comes to us faster…
      BIG LOVE!

  • Rubymoon123

    I really needed to read this I’m going through a though break up and this was soothing to reas

  • Scott – Miami Beach

    Liberating words that empower us to break free of pain the can hold us hostage. What great energy to share with the world :)