When you’re right, can you admit when you’re wrong? :o)

February 18, 2013 by Mastin Kipp 24 Comments

Life has taught me that if I want to rise, I have to get over myself.

This seems to be a constant lesson in my life. They say that EGO is (E)dging (G)od (O)ut. Whether you believe in God or not, it doesn’t matter. Another word for God is Love. So EGO could be perceived as choosing fear over Love, or self-importance over humility.

I believe that the only free will we truly have is to choose to connect with Love or not. If we choose to connect with Love, life turns upside down at first, but starts to smooth out. If we don’t choose to connect with Love, we experience our own personal version of “Hell on Earth.”

One of the ways I have experienced my own personal “Hell on Earth” in the past was not being able to admit when I was in the wrong. My prideful EGO used to just hang on to being right at any cost. On the surface I couldn’t stand the thought of being wrong – it was “ME” after all. You know what I’m talking about, that voice in your head that thinks it’s all-important. We all have one; I’m just being courageous or silly enough to admit I have one. But thankfully, that voice is MUCH dimmer now.

I think it’s a combination of the fact that I am a stubborn Capricorn plus the fact that I’m 6’4 that made it SO hard for me to get over myself. I mean, 6’4 is pretty tall. But, surely enough, after enough pain and enough of not getting what I want, I am letting that self-importance go. I still believe in the ego, but I believe that a healthy ego is the servant of the Heart.

Wayne Dyer once said, “It’s more important to be kind than to be right.” When I first heard this statement in 2004, I thought Wayne must be wrong. But as I have come to find out, KINDESS is always right.

Have you ever wanted so badly to win an argument in a relationship, but what you came to find out later is that your stubborn desire to win that argument actually ended the relationship? Oops. Yup, I’ve done that.

Today, no matter what that pesky ego says, choose kindness over being right. Choosing kindness is the same thing as choosing to connect to Love. End your inner conflicts and let go of the need to be right. This may feel like you are giving up some very important point of view and that you have “lost” a battle or debate. But, my friend, what you will see and what I have come to see is that when you lose the ego battle, you win the battle of the Heart. You trade stress in for peace of mind.

So, let’s allow ourselves lose the ego battle today. Even though our egos don’t want us to, let’s choose kindness over being right. You won’t die, even if it feels like you might. But you will find peace. Try it. Let me know how it goes.

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation! The TDL Community thrives in the comments and it’s a GREAT place to get support!

Love,

Mastin

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Mastin Kipp is the founder and CEO of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

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Sara007

i love this!!..my now ex bf is also very tall with a big ego!! im so happy that i could see his ego got in the way and reading this has made me see that i was right..from my point of view anyway..i refused to boost his ego in the way he wanted and to be honest i think it drove him round the bend!!,,then i started to get the put downs..fortunately i know its just a reflection on him…im hurting badly and wish he would declare his undying love for me..but after reading your rejection blog i am now happy that i did the right thing and dont need to live in his shadow..im twice the person he will ever be..
thanks
http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

Ah, self-importance. I love that you admitted that quality in you — it’s a hard one to admit to, isn’t it? I wonder why that is, but it’s true for me. I know I portray an attitude of self-importance and superiority. I know this about myself and I also know it’s not a great or desirable quality to have. Sometimes I feel like I’ve improved in this area…. gotten more humble, more spiritually in tune, more IN love and kindness and less in my ego and superiority complex. But then there are STILL times when that superiority comes rising to the top and I still feel “better than” someone else or someone else’s chosen actions. Ugh.

I do agree with Wayne Dyer though that it’s better to be kind than to be right. That’s what I often remind myself when I’m feeling all self-important. “Be kind,” I say to myself. “I am love,” I also remind myself.
“Make me an instrument of thy peace,” is another quote I got from Wayne Dyer.

A big thing I’ve noticed that works wonders for me is when I’m feeling annoyed at someone else and self-important, I send them love. I just think, “LOVE,” look at them, and send it to them. It immediately relaxes me — I can feel it. And I’ve also noticed it actually HAVE an effect on the other person! I can see them relax too, even smile a little (they’re often stressed or unhappy too in the encounter).

But anyway, back to choosing kindness over being right. It’s often easier with strangers, at least for me, and more difficult in more intimate relationships. It’s something I work on.

Sarah
http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/today-is-great-day.html
http://thejourneytolearnacceptance.blogspot.com/ Nina

Great post, Mastin! This is so relevant for me right now. I’ve had a string of arguments lately where I knew I needed to choose love over fear, but I was really struggling. Even when I handled it pretty well, I felt like I had “lost” because I hadn’t stood up for myself the way I usually do. However, I knew the parts that needed to be addressed were addressed, and the parts that upset me that I wanted to attack over I just had to suck up and deal with. This blog really helps me remember that “in the end, only kindness matters” as the wise Jewel once sang, and that I should be proud of myself.

Much love,
Nina
http://thejourneytolearnacceptance.blogspot.com
http://twitter.com/heatherwaxman Heather Waxman

This makes me think of the Course’s line “In my defenselessness, my safety lies.” My mom is a recovering alcoholic and, while she’s sober, she’s still acting in a controlling, angry, and manipulative way. So, while she’s not drinking, she’s still ACTING in the same way. She attacks me for my “spiritual” ways and says very hurtful things. I know it’s because she hates herself so much, and I want to help her…but I can’t help her if she is not willing to receive help.

I told her that when she is ready to show me how she has changed her behavior, I’m open to seeing her in person. She is not willing to do that. So for now, I’m doing the kind thing and being defenseless. Sometimes, not responding at all is the kindest thing we can do.

xo
- Tiffany
  
  So true…I know for a fact that if you force it, you will hurt yourself…I know it is hard to be defenseless toward your mom…gov are very brave….my mother was also an alcoholic…
  - http://twitter.com/heatherwaxman Heather Waxman
    
    Thank you for the support, Tiffany. It always helps to know I’m not alone. Sending you lots of love!
Tiffany

Ego vs. Kindness….interesting battle…I am very stubborn…I will choose kindness today… I can do it…
DougSmmng

In seeking to be open to love 24/7, I’ve found that letting go of the need to be right (or interject my opinion) is half the battle and puts me in that space instantly & effortlessly. Thanks Mastin.
Jackie McD

Mastin, Love this topic and so agree that being right can so get in the way of things. My favorite Rumi quote goes something like this…
“Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
The need to be right is truly overrated. Namaste
Rikatika

Being kind can be so difficult. I recently ended a relationship with a man who was very verbally abusive to me. I finally found the strength to leave. And it felt good! But now, he continues to text me and tell me how I screwed him over by leaving, and how I don’t care about our “family”, etc etc….. In all of this, I have tried not to argue or throw his abusive behavior in his face. But it’s hard, because I KNOW I am right. I know I left for a good reason. I know his behavior was abusive and controlling, and still is. It is very hard not to be cruel and remind him of just what a mean hurtful person he is.
EMNEMN

What on earth does being 6’4″ have to do with anything? I’m confused by that inclusion in your post, unless you wanted to sneak in a little personal information to puff yourself up in the eyes of your readers. Did you / do you really believe that being taller than average made you better than average? Otherwise good column.
- Cyndi
  
  Mastin stated that being 6’4″ makes it difficult to get over yourself. Being that tall is not the norm. You get noticed a lot and you have to be very aware of your own presence or others for that matter, possibly making it difficult to be present. The same might be true for shorter than average people. You just notice that you stand out. I don’t believe Mastin was trying to say he was better or more special.
http://www.are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/ Kathleen Reynolds Chelquist

OOOOH…this is such a BIG one for me. Giving up the need to be, “RIGHT,” is definitely one of the many ways to tame my EGO…and it can be SOOO HARD. Especially when it comes to my husband and how we raise our child. And, then one day…I reminded myself that our son was meant to have my husband as his father. And, have me as his mother. A perfectly imperfect Ying and Yang combo. Which somehow….WORKS. When I breathe into this truth, my need to be, “RIGHT,” mellows. I often know what works for our son (After-all, I am a stay at home mom). And, I have forgotten that my husband will learn A LOT faster if he sees it for himself. Rather than me mothering him. No man wants to marry his mother. This I know FOR SURE! And, I am right…LOL
The Daily Commenter,
Kathleen
are-you-there-kathleen-its-me-god.blogspot.com/
pb

This is sooo true + timely. What does being tall (6’4″)have to do with anything? Curious?
http://twitter.com/LuciaDavindia Davindia Steele

I truly believe what you are sharing Mastin. And I’ve been learning that I can still say what I need to in a way that is kind and loving and in my truth.

Am I still confrontational at times? YES! And do I usually regret it after the fact….mmm… many times (most of the time) I do see how I could have reframed that confrontation into kind communication.

Again, I’m still learning… and I LOVE getting TDL to remind me of who I am and to trust in love… even when I’m scared that I will “die” if I do… and knowing that I will “die” if I don’t.

Love to you and all that you do.
http://twitter.com/LuciaDavindia Davindia Steele

I
truly believe what you are sharing Mastin. And I’ve been learning that
I can still say what I need to in a way that is kind and loving and in
my truth.

Am I still confrontational at times? YES! And do I usually regret
it after the fact….mmm… many times (most of the time) I do see how I
could have reframed that confrontation into kind communication.

Again, I’m still learning… and I LOVE getting TDL to remind me of
who I am and to trust in love… even when I’m scared that I will “die”
if I do… and knowing that I will “die” if I don’t.

Love to you and all that you do. ~Lucia Davindia
Paula

I had this “aha” moment a few years ago when I was reading a book called “P.S. I love you” It’s a collection of notes from a mother who put little notes into her children’s lunch box every day. The one that stood out to me was “Do you always want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I ask myself this question often, and MOST of the time, I want to be happy.
http://twitter.com/viola119_ Viola

Another great read. Right after reading the first paragraph I acted upon it as I had a situation right now. And yes I feel much relieved.

Love
Linda

Having recently met someone in passing who was the total opposite of the Dyer quote, this really makes sense. This person had to be right at all costs and came across as a real jerk. I thought, “I’ll bet he meets all kinds of nasty people, because like seems to attract like. What a shame.” He left such a negative air in the place (a laundromat, of all things), that when he left, people just got far out of his way so that he didn’t have to pass near them on his way out.
Uncle Jay

One of your best blog entries to date. Keep up the good work.
Renae

its such a relief to lose the battle with the ego, Mastin, it changes who you are as a person, you truly find that inner peace that we are all searching for! Thank you for your daily writings, I thoroughly enjoy them so very much.
Faith

You know, I’m going through the fight of my life and this is the thing that I’m faced with every day. I’ve spent my life in the shadows, doing things because they were RIGHT. I always did the right thing, always, because I was the example for my siblings. Well, I was thrown into a world wind of chaos that involved my child. In that situation, I told the truth, well the truth didn’t prevail. In that moment, I realized that all my life I had done the right thing and now when it really mattered, the powers that be didn’t want to hear the truth because they needed leaverage! You see, the truth was why the situation happened in the first place. What I said was true, no one believed, and so over a year of chaos insued and at the end there were no winners. My truth in the beginning caused the chaos, so now I have to stand in that truth. Is it my ego? Perhaps there is that part of my ego that says, you all were wrong, and destroyed our lives because you refused to see the truth. Perhaps it’s now become a survival mechanism, the thing that keeps me from falling all to pieces. Someone said that perhaps this was a lesson in disguise, attempting to show me who I really am. If that is true, I’m thankful. However, I can’t go back down the path of least resistance again. I refuse to do that! I can, however, say I understand that you don’t agree, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true for me and I respect that. I will no longer, however, filter myself so that other people will feel comfortable again. If I’m going to move forward, I have to face the situation head on, feel the pain, and know that with God all things are possible! Namaste
Roxanagrc

Love your blogs!
http://joannemstein.com/ JoAnne Stein

That’s what it means to die before you die: To die to the ego (your false self, fear, etc.) so the real you can shine through. Every chance you get to die to the ego, the more love will shine through you. I try to be as aware as possible when the ego comes up or when I don’t want to do something because it will make me (the little me, not the real me) look bad. Then, when I become aware, I just do it anyway, because that is a little blow to the ego and it slowly loses its power.