Why The Meaning You Gave To Past Events May Be Preventing You From Living A Self-Approved Life!

Each one of us is an infinite soul surrounded by stories. And these stories prevent the soul from expressing itself.

I believe the reason for my existence is to get in touch with my inner Source so that I can be in alignment with myself and my life’s purpose.

To live a self-approved and self-appointed life, we may need to bust the myth of the stories that hold us hostage.

My story kept me in a constant state of feeling unworthy in the eyes of the Uni-verse. The message I got as a child was that if I was open, I risked being abused. I grew up equating openness and vulnerability with being hurt. So I went forward in life trying to control things because I was terrified that if I lost control and was open, I would get hurt again. I felt that if I opened up and became my greatest self, the trauma would repeat itself.

My mentor, Mastin Kipp, helped me to realize that the story that I had about my unworthiness, was “based on a belief from a moment of a decision from a meaning to an event that never even happened!”

Let’s look at my story as an example. I was abused as a child by my father. I grew up equating openness and vulnerability with hurt. I felt “I” was wrong for what had happened. To bury the pain of the abuse, I became the “Hero Child.” I looked squeaky clean and happy on the outside. I became a great people pleaser. But on the inside I felt the Uni-verse must have made an error when I was created, because I was manufactured incorrectly according to my family, religion and society. When I got older I used whatever I could lay my hands on as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with my feelings. I drank, I was self-destructive and reckless, and I hurt myself and others.

Now I am not saying that the event of abuse never happened, it’s just the meaning that I gave myself about that event which was incorrect. I had always made it about me, but from the very beginning, it was never about me. And so because it was never about me, it never happened the way I thought it had happened.

From the Uni-verse’s perspective of unconditional love, two souls had some friction and one soul met another soul that was predestined to meet and one of the personalities of the two souls at a young age made up a meaning.

My father didn’t hate me! He didn’t purposely and consciously intend to hurt me and destroy my life. He loved me, but he just didn’t know how to love me the way I needed him to love me. My father was just trying to take from me what he could only get from the Uni-verse. He was trying to take from me what he lacked deep in his soul. Connection to and unconditional Love of the Uni-verse! He was trying to take from me, what he needed to fulfill his human longing for love, significance and acceptance. And looking back at his life and what I have heard from the stories of his childhood, it seems highly likely that he was traumatized as a child in similar ways. I am convinced that he was taught as I was that “Love” equaled “Being Sexualized.”

If my healthier parent or a family member I looked up to had asked me this question at that time, “Ryf, what is the meaning you are giving to that event?” my whole life up to this point may well have looked very different. But my family was invested in a culture of denial and my parents had little time to raise us. My father’s priority was drinking while my mother focused on propping up the family image, doing damage control and perpetuating the myth that my father was a “Good Man.”

But that is just “story” now. And the meaning that I invested in that story for all these years has been shattered. And as a result I now have a big, open, vacant space to pursue a life in harmony with the Uni-verse, unshackled from the meaning I gave to an event that never happened the way I thought it happened.

For me it’s like a life sentence has been lifted and I am now free to design my life according to my birthright, which is to be whole, complete, unconditionally loved and perfect in the eyes of the Uni-verse.

So are there meanings that you gave to events in your life that hold you up? Can you readjust those meanings to reflect the truth, so that you can show up and give the gift that the Uni-verse meant you to give to yourself and the Uni-verse?

I would love to hear from you. Please share your comments below.

Much love & Welcome Home,

Ryf

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Ryf Van Rij is a coach and creator of “The Daily Way Home.” He has also been an actor, a commercial pilot, a business co-owner, and an events coordinator at a major city art gallery.

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Athena2903

I think what you have said is brilliant!!
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Thanks. The more I dig in to living a self approved life the more humbled I feel.
Ugottalaff7

I have so much guilt & regrets over past mistakes & behaviors that just won’t go away which prevents being happy & present today.
- lmc
  
  you are not alone, i feel the same. some things i have forgiven myself for: sex with guys when drunk/drugged. But it seems like i still have the same behaviors even though i am sober. what i did was many years ago and maybe over time you will forgive yourself. my motto is, just don’t live the way I used to live. I slip once in awhile, but we are not perfect even though we look at some people and think they are, they are not, we just don’t know their story. make amends if you can. if they accept your apology, great. if not, you cannot control them and their thinking. people are hard on each other, so don’t be hard on yourself. just try not to do what you did in the past.
Stephanie

This is so great. I’m learning so much since I’ve plugged into TDL. Thank you and Mastin both. My childhood resembled similiar but different circumstances w/ family members and then later there was abuse by a teacher that i dearly trusted. That set the stage for most of my life and I am now finally uncovering the true me that I have barried all my life to be the people pleaser and just make things easier for everyone else so they didnt have to deal w/ their lives either. Wow!! Thank you so much for being so open to share this with the world!! This is now also the purpose that I am nearly…to help others come out of their shells and find their true self through my love of nature and all things God has created!!
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Thanks for your Awesome sharing
  
  Source can do no more that Source can do through us
C.

Thank you so much for sharing this!!! Our minds are so powerful! We have these stories that are so difficult to let go of. We allow these things that happened in our lives to lead us into believing we are unworthy and unloveable. Logically, we know this has to change but the changing it is the most difficult part of the process. All we need is for someone to say or do the “wrong” thing or look at us a certain way and the darkness appears. We become blinded by our self loathing and begin to project all of our fears onto people who actually show and give us their love because how can they possibly love us? We want the unconditional love and acceptance yet we are incapable of giving it to ourselves and get angry with those offering it to us. Thank you! I needed your words today! With love and gratitude.
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Thanks for your powerful sharing.
  
  We are all born free and
  as a perfect expression of the
  identity of the mind of Source, aligned to our Inner Divinity and an expression
  of endless possibilities.
  
  Our Journey is
  to realize this and shed the baggage of the past that has been the blueprint
  for most of our lives.
  
  I honor your
  Journey
Gailelizabethmiller

Huge Hug of Gratitude for sharing this with us. As I read I could find the ‘bread crumbs’ in my mind that lead me back to so many instances that ‘did not happen’ (as you say) and clearly see what DID happen. As Truth came into focus I could feel my body sitting taller, stronger, and my breathing began to soften and become deeper and full. Life changing moment(s) you just gifted me. With head to heart………xoxoxo
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Wow!
  
  That’s powerful. Your comments reminds me that I am on the right track and inspires me onwards.
  
  Once I hit my surrender point nothing else made sense any more other than to Journey Home and share my journey so that I could make some meaning and maybe a little difference with what life I have left on the blue planet.
  
  Thank you for your words of support.
  
  Ryf.
http://www.axis2suxess.com/ Tandar

Brave and vulnerable….Thanks.
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Thank you.
  
  Peace be your Journey.
Elizabeth

Beautiful share.. I have the same story with my Mother, though it was verbal & emotional abuse. After years of self destruction (with drugs, alcohol, sex, bulimia) I became a seeker and along the way learned something pivotal for me: those that hurt you the most in the physical realm love you the deepest in the spiritual realm. My mother played a “role” in my “story” that I asked her to play before incarnating into this lifetime. This invaluable relationship and experience has helped me (the most) to become who I am today.. like you, a teacher and a healer.
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Powerful,
  
  I too accept that my story was exactly what needed to happen to me for me to reconnect to Source and begin my spiritual journey home.
  
  Forgiveness is the major ingredient needed to move beyond the past.
  
  And that includes forgiving ourselves.
  
  Thanks for your sharing.
  
  Ryf.
Ktj434

That’s going to take a bit to process, but definitely worth doing. Thank you.
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  If anything resonates with this sharing have a deeper look.
  
  The cosmic law demonstrated by the spiritual masters who
  went before us was not supposed to be complicated. It is we humans who tend to
  be deluded by simplicity.
  
  The key to unlocking of abundance in all areas of our lives
  lies in the vast inner potential of us. But very few of us are living even
  close to our potential.
  
  When we are finally reduced to the awareness that there is
  nothing left for us to do, and no more distractions we can create to distract
  us from living and connecting to Universal truth, that is when the simplicity
  deludes us the most and when the path forward may seem daunting.
Suzanneschube

This was touching , we are all at some level taught threw our family or our faith , guilt , shame , when you hear it over and over , eventually , you believe …You are no good ,we carry that threw our lives . trying and trying to live this imposible LIE . I’m trying, threw Meditation , Yoga , to heal , after 3 break down , threw therapy , and all that I can to relearn who ,ware , why and what happend to me. I’m trying to open myself to the love of the universe ,and all it’s gifts . and trst again. your words were touching and helpful thank you for sharing them. There is love out there some ware.
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Awesome Sharing!
  
  I only get up in the morning because i believe that there is love out there somewhere too.
  
  And it begins with us.
  
  I remember the words of a recent coaching session with the amazingly intuitive Mastin.
  
  Ryf:
  I want the partner I attract to be a reflection of Source’s understanding and
  compassion for me. I want the partner I attract to see Source in me. I want the
  partner I attract to bring me closer to Source. But I realize this is a tall
  order and wonder if such person could ever exist? Surely they would have
  to be made out of clay! Will anyone like this ever show up?
  
  Mastin:
  
  “When you become it they will!”
Misslightfootmba

like you, i have an alcoholic father. when i was young i got mixed messages about what LOVE was due to his inconsistencies in what he said versus what he actually did, this was SOLELY based on his disease of alcoholism. and because of his problems my mother pushed me so hard that i felt that i had to be perfect in order for her to love me. this led to me having STRONG feelings of unworthiness too! i blamed myself and grew a hard exterior. i was the PERFECT child, with the BEST grades and i too became a people pleaser. my story has been one of “The Perfect (insert title here)”. but in the 30 years of attempting to be perfect FOR EVERYONE else, I neglected to take care of ME. I sacrificed my feelings and needs for others in hopes of gaining that LOVE that I thought i needed from everyone else that i felt that i never got from my parents. the sacrifices that i made for others made me bitter and resentful and angry. i carried this anger around in my spirit, wearing it like a badge of honor , recking relationships along the way. some i regret, however many of those ended relationships i dont regret losing because the nature of a lot of my relationships was one-sided with me being the GIVER and not receiving what i needed/ wanted because i was afraid to ask for it out of fear of not being “loved” or “accepted”. fast forward to the age of 31 and i am done carrying that burden of perceived unworthiness around with me! i am living for me now! my relationships with my parents are better than ever and i am not attracting the same type of energy around with my in my spirit. everyday is a new day and i am committed to being HAPPY and giving myself that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that ive been looking for my entire life!
AND THATS MY STORY
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Your sound like you reached your Surrender Point which is a blessing. Its only then that we can let go of the control we feel we always had which is just an illusion and we can begin the process of calling things by their right name and healing.
  
  It’s the heros journey for sure.
  
  Thanks for your sharing.
  
  Ryf.
Tedge

Powerful & BEAUTIFUL article!!!!! THANKS!!!!!!!!
- http://twitter.com/TheDailyWayHome The Daily Way Home
  
  Cheers.
  
  Ironic that our journey is mostly about an unlearning process. Unlearning all the stuff we were taught and the messages we were given by Society, religion, family and friends that was not based in reality.
  
  The past has such an allure. But it is really none of our business.
  
  Ryf
Lovee

thanks so much for this! so needed it these days!
Kate

Thank you so much for sharing, Ryf. I too was abused — physically, verbally, and emotionally — by my father (while my mother watched and never did anything). It’s only within the past few years that I even realized that this happened to me. It sounds strange, but I definitely suppressed it to the point where I had forgotten it happened. And it happened for about a decade.

And you made a very good point; a point I hadn’t thought about it, and that’s that I always thought it happened to me/that it was about me. And you’re right; it wasn’t about me, it was about him. But of course, what he did changed me from that moment on. But it’s definitely an accurate statement. Whether I subconsciously knew that or not, I was happy to read it here in your article….at minimum, it’s a reminder.
My father died in 2008, and I’m not sure I forgave him before that — which is my only (albeit small) regret. I have since forgiven him (and my mother), and I’m trying to move on with my life. TDL helps immensely, and I read it every day to improve (and rediscover) my self worth and self esteem.

Thank you for sharing.
Autitania

So True, mine was the ex fiancee. You’re comment he loved me but not the way I needed to be loved is ringing in my ears. Mainly because it’s true. He is a lost soul, doesn’t know real love and therefore couldn’t give it to me. I know that cause he loved me (and I think still does by how hateful he’s being/jealous) but he’s telling someone else he loves them. That says a lot right there.