I believe the reason for my existence is to get in touch with my inner Source so that I can be in alignment with myself and my life’s purpose.
To live a self-approved and self-appointed life, we may need to bust the myth of the stories that hold us hostage.
My story kept me in a constant state of feeling unworthy in the eyes of the Uni-verse. The message I got as a child was that if I was open, I risked being abused. I grew up equating openness and vulnerability with being hurt. So I went forward in life trying to control things because I was terrified that if I lost control and was open, I would get hurt again. I felt that if I opened up and became my greatest self, the trauma would repeat itself.
My mentor, Mastin Kipp, helped me to realize that the story that I had about my unworthiness, was “based on a belief from a moment of a decision from a meaning to an event that never even happened!”
Let’s look at my story as an example. I was abused as a child by my father. I grew up equating openness and vulnerability with hurt. I felt “I” was wrong for what had happened. To bury the pain of the abuse, I became the “Hero Child.” I looked squeaky clean and happy on the outside. I became a great people pleaser. But on the inside I felt the Uni-verse must have made an error when I was created, because I was manufactured incorrectly according to my family, religion and society. When I got older I used whatever I could lay my hands on as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with my feelings. I drank, I was self-destructive and reckless, and I hurt myself and others.
Now I am not saying that the event of abuse never happened, it’s just the meaning that I gave myself about that event which was incorrect. I had always made it about me, but from the very beginning, it was never about me. And so because it was never about me, it never happened the way I thought it had happened.
From the Uni-verse’s perspective of unconditional love, two souls had some friction and one soul met another soul that was predestined to meet and one of the personalities of the two souls at a young age made up a meaning.
My father didn’t hate me! He didn’t purposely and consciously intend to hurt me and destroy my life. He loved me, but he just didn’t know how to love me the way I needed him to love me. My father was just trying to take from me what he could only get from the Uni-verse. He was trying to take from me what he lacked deep in his soul. Connection to and unconditional Love of the Uni-verse! He was trying to take from me, what he needed to fulfill his human longing for love, significance and acceptance. And looking back at his life and what I have heard from the stories of his childhood, it seems highly likely that he was traumatized as a child in similar ways. I am convinced that he was taught as I was that “Love” equaled “Being Sexualized.”
If my healthier parent or a family member I looked up to had asked me this question at that time, “Ryf, what is the meaning you are giving to that event?” my whole life up to this point may well have looked very different. But my family was invested in a culture of denial and my parents had little time to raise us. My father’s priority was drinking while my mother focused on propping up the family image, doing damage control and perpetuating the myth that my father was a “Good Man.”
But that is just “story” now. And the meaning that I invested in that story for all these years has been shattered. And as a result I now have a big, open, vacant space to pursue a life in harmony with the Uni-verse, unshackled from the meaning I gave to an event that never happened the way I thought it happened.
For me it’s like a life sentence has been lifted and I am now free to design my life according to my birthright, which is to be whole, complete, unconditionally loved and perfect in the eyes of the Uni-verse.
So are there meanings that you gave to events in your life that hold you up? Can you readjust those meanings to reflect the truth, so that you can show up and give the gift that the Uni-verse meant you to give to yourself and the Uni-verse?
I would love to hear from you. Please share your comments below.
Much love & Welcome Home,
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Ryf Van Rij is a coach and creator of “The Daily Way Home.” He has also been an actor, a commercial pilot, a business co-owner, and an events coordinator at a major city art gallery.