Why you can’t change yourself & what to do instead

Our whole lives we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for Love, approval and to fit in. This happens first a child – when we adapt to meet our parents needs so that we can get Love.

Then, as we get older, it could be a group of friends, or adapt to how we think our romantic partner thinks we should be – or the opposite – we rebel against how anyone thinks we should be and we stand out by not fitting in.

No matter how we slice it, adapting ourselves to fitting in or being a rebel and standing out – all of these behaviors stem from our thoughts about what other people think. And living our lives from the perspective of what other people think creates massive pain in our lives. Because when we act based on what other people think, we are acting from the place of a deficit, that is – “I’m not enough, so I am going to change myself to be enough.”

And this core thought has caused A LOT of pain in my life. And this core thought has caused a lot of pain in general.

The journey is that through feeling all of this pain, we come back to ourselves. And we stop identifying with what other people think we should be, or we stop rebelling against other people – and instead tune within and listen to whom we really are – at a heart and soul level.

Each and every one of us – and that includes – YOU – is a unique soul. We have a unique gift. We are great at something. And life comes into balance and our fullest expression begins to be realized when we align with our true nature rather than being a part of the herd or rebelling against the herd.

The journey is within. When we listen to and act from that place – we are trendsetters – we are unique – we are special – and ain’t no one else like us is made.

And what’s cool is when we start to belong to ourselves and express ourselves – we put out a different frequency and, as a result, we start attracting and meeting people who are on that new wave length. And what’s so cool is in doing so, we no longer need to chase people. When we belong to ourselves, we find who else we belong to.

The joy of living a Self -Approved life is revealed when we begin to allow ourselves to be ourselves – we accept ourselves as we are – we accept ourselves as perfectly imperfect and the inner conflict begins to die down. And our true nature emerges and The Uni-verse supports us in miraculous ways.

How can you start to live a Self Approved life today? What are you going to do differently?

As always, the action happens in the comments below. Leave a comment and join the conversation!

Lots of LOVE,


P.S. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

P.P.S. Did you know I’m going on a huge international book tour this fall? Click here to RSVP.

  • Taylor

    I’m going to live a self approved life today. Wow, that is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Today I’m going to change my attitude about myself and how I feel about me. I’m me, and that needs no more explanation to be unique than to be myself. The trouble with acting as a rebel or going with a crowd. Instead of saying “I don’t know what I need to feel complete, I’m just going to get what I need with what I have. That is the most compete thought I need to bother myself with today.

    • John

      Sounds like you totally got it Taylor. I like how you say you will get what you need with what you have. I believe You have everything you wil ever need inside you

      • The Daily Love

        That’s exactly right! Thank you so much for your insight John 🙂

    • The Daily Love

      Awesome Taylor! When we accept ourselves as we are, we are on our way to a self-approved life 🙂

  • Pam

    Thanks to you Mastin and the Daily Love crew for your hope, wisdom, kindness, and understanding. There is an excerpt from the book “The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment” by Thaddeus Golus which has made an impact on my mindset and behavior; “Expansion in love is an action that is available to every being in the universe all the time. A willing awareness will take us to heaven, a loving attitude will make us free. Nothing else controls our fate. Good or bad behavior is secondary. Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are thinking, love yourself for thinking it. Love is the only dimension that needs to be changed. If you are not sure how it feels to be loving, love yourself for not being sure how it feels. There is nothing on earth more important than the love which conscious beings feel towards each other, whether or not it is ever expressed. There is no point in worry or wonder about worse or better spiritual conditions, although that game is available. You will not be able to rise above your present vibration level to stay until you love the way you are now.”
    I share this with sheer gratitude, peace and joy. Just for today, I will be kind and loving to myself and allow it to flow outward toward all persons I come in contact with.
    Try it on, my friends, it looks and feels wonderful. Remember progress before perfection.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you so much for sharing Pam!

  • Love2Live

    Today, I acknowledge that I am still growing. Every struggle and defeat is merely a step towards the light of my true being. Today, I will see myself as the loving person that was created for my purpose. Today, I will fully live the life that I am blessed to be given. Thank you for your shares. Thank you Mastin and the Daily Love team. Mahalo.

    • The Daily Love

      Yes! Very powerful!! Thank you so much for sharing Love2Live 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • Amy

    I have added to my morning ritual when I wake up to say “Thank You God for exactly who I am” I don’t feel like I believed myself this morning but reading today’s blog made me smile and reminded me to “love and accept me” I will not judge myself today & will share the love!

    • The Daily Love

      What a fantastic ritual to have! We are so glad we made you smile Amy! Thank you for sharing. <3 – Team Daily Love

  • Lori Glier

    Wow, Mastin,
    This comes after a huge ahhha of a big bang moment I had yesterday about love and getting the approval , all my life I lived trying to seek approval yet 14 years ago I began my Authenticity quest and it has been a challenge i had my mind made up from what others may think and then I sat at my table with a heap full of nuts and began to shake my head as I though this is nuts it took a heap of nuts to make my heart think how could I love a man that I don’t love just for who he is no matter what .Not that I don’t have admiration for all and love for all . Yet the man I want to get old with and share our life with through the thick and thin. Most people just settle for what they can get, yet not me I have waited 14 years to meet him and I know he is out there and if I have to and he is to busy I will enjoy my life and wait until we meet. So this blog it was as though you where thinking of me as I had some similar thoughts of what you said .
    Heaps of love Mastin!

    • The Daily Love

      Inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing Lori! <3 – Team Daily Love

  • Sandy Matias

    Thank you so much! I needed this today!!

    • The Daily Love

      We are so glad you were able to relate to our message today Sandy! Thank you for sharing <3 – Team Daily Love

  • Rlogan

    Wow Mastin you preach it so good and you always seems to amaze me with you messages. Thanks for the continuous inspiration.

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for the love Rlogan! We are so glad you enjoyed! Thank you for being a part of our Daily Love community 🙂 – Team Daily Love

  • Marilyn

    Thank you so much. Beautiful, beautiful words. Just what I’m working on, and
    feel so good to start realizing it’s all, all in me, and the Universe has my back. Love!!!

  • Marie-Chantal

    Thank you Mastin for your uncanny ability of saying exactly the right words at exactly the right time. As an Audiologist working in rural Australia, my job is helping others to hear the world around them and you have reminded me to hear the Spirit within. Marie-Chantal.

  • Laura

    I grow in self approval of myself…I am already enough, I have exactly what it takes to be the person of my dreams in doing and being who I am created to be in this loving Uni Verse. The Daily Love gives me courage to really believe in myself and post this for the world to see. Thank you for your loving support and encouragement.

  • Brandon

    YES! Mastin, thank you so much for this It so wonderful to see these messages of self love and acceptance delivered in such a way that young people can relate to. I thank you for your ministry and know that you are changing lives! I remember hearing your story about coming from addiction on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday and being so filled with hope that I was on the right path as a young seeker who is also healing from addiction. Im still in the burgeoning phase of my recovery but what I know for sure is that recovery starts when I can begin to start LOVING myself. From this place, I believe I can recover, I know I can recover and I RECOVER. I have learned through the process of self love to let go of all that is not healing for me. Soooo many miracles have popped up in my life already from this shift in perception! Thanks again for your service and for my daily dose of self love!

  • Dorota

    I will be honest. I don’t read all the Daily Love articles yet somehow I open the ones that really speak to me. 🙂 And this one really did. I also often would read but not share forgetting that every input matters… mine too. What I’m going to do differently today and from today on is to listen to and read things that matter… things that open the heart rather than cloud it… and meditate. Thank you for turning my awareness to things that matter 🙂 Namaste.

  • maddie

    Can I just ask how do we discover our true selves? I meditate everyday for about 20 minutes but Im not sure Im near finding out what my true essence is or the blueprint of my soul. Would appreciate guidance from anyone 🙂

    • Wanda Paulino

      Well, for starters… I would say-listen to what your core says to you. I’d recommend Danielle LaPorte’s work- a must (for me) for tuning in with who you are…

      • maddie

        That’s the thing – its hard to even listen to what my core is saying. I live in Asia so does Danielle la Porte have any books that you woudl recommend or does she run classes?

        • Wanda Paulino

          Hi Maddie,
          I highly recommend The Desire Map!

          • maddie


  • Talya Price

    I currently live in Warsaw Poland, a place I thought I would never live in. But I have been here for a while and I am ready to move on. I don’t feel like I belong here. I have felt lonely for a long time, despite the fact that I have met some very interesting people. I still feel out of place. In fact I feel out of place in practically every place I have been to, maybe with the exception of Paris, France. So I know what loneliness feels like, I know what isolation feels like. I cannot change my race nor my nationality nor myself, people have to accept me as I am or not. But I cannot change. I am who I am. And this world can be cruel, or maybe people can be cruel when someone is different from them.

    Sometimes it is difficult to cope. I don’t think I ever want to fit in, in Poland, I don’t think I want to fit in anywhere. Just in the forest. I know it sounds sad, but that is how I truly feel.

    • Wanda Paulino

      Talya, Let go, surrender, go within as Mastin points out, and you will find that sense you’re searching for. Honor where you are at the moment…all is well… : ) Where do you think you will go to next? Back to Paris? Love & Light to you!

      • Talya Price

        Thank you for the reply.I think I will go to Paris. I go within everyday. I am always facing my demons and I am beginning not to get scared of them. I just have to take one day at a time.

    • maddie

      Maybe try living in Paris? You never know – it could appeal to your soul and your life could change drastically if you consider a move there.

  • Grace

    Thank you for this, your an amazing light to the world and a beautiful soul, look forward to meeting you on your book tour.
    I have been on my journey for years now, I know that nothing changes over night and I know that I am not “broken”, however, I feel like there is a battle going on inside of me that renders me to feel like I am going crazy. One day I can feel so great and happy with life, the next day it is like a dark demon has rose up and causes me to feel like a totally failure and that I need to be fixed.
    I have read and done so much, I know what I need to do, believe and how I want to live my life..the thing is, I am tired of everything, like really tired. I am tired of caring, tired of not doing/doing..and honestly – bored!
    I can’t seem to pick myself up…makes me want to cry and there is nothing physically wrong with me, as all my test are normal. That is what bothers me the most, how can you be happy but yet feel so dark? How can you be grateful for all you have, yet feel like you have nothing?

  • Elle

    I heard Mastin speak on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday and I was very intrigued, so I joined his Daily Love. It’s like I have a tape recording in my head in which I hear over and over all the negative things my mother(and others) have said to me over the years. And by the way, I am not a young woman. I am a grown woman with adult children of my own. This tape recording has been playing for a very long time. After reading today’s column, I have decided that whenever the tape recording begins anew, I will make it stop and instead tell myself about all the things that are right with me. Thanks for the push I needed to be reminded that I am a lovable loving human being!