Why You Should Release Old Patterns Of Sadness!

Drew ParalesWhat are these old patterns of sadness that we always revert to? What is the connection? Why do we do this? Why do we get sad over something we possibly didn’t even have a true connection to?

I find that we sometimes bring up old patterns of sadness surrounding a major or traumatic loss of some kind. We even start to dwell on places that we visited SO LONG AGO, where we were with people we loved or places that we went to and even more weird, places that we COULD HAVE gone to, because we loved so them so much and wanted so badly to recapture what we once had. We have THAT FEELING of what we had. That makes me think about why we MISS so much that “old” connection when we should be inviting NEW connections and new patterns in. I admit that I personally have not yet released my sadness FULLY. I have old patterns of the way I used to Love and I’m starting to invite in and apply the NEW ways I’ve learned how to Love. I believe that I haven’t yet FULLY made peace with that old part of me, and maybe it’s time that I do!

It really struck me today when I was driving by the an old restaurant where I spent some real happy times as a kid. There were memories that I experienced with my parents, then with my friends, and later with former Love interests. I began to miss all them so badly that I even teared up a bit. It struck me as strange that I was focusing on something like events that happened a really long time ago, and it was something I have no power to change. It began to sink in that maybe, it was supposed to happen this way. This feeling was tugging at me and I began to think that I wasn’t missing the actual people. I FINALLY realized what I was doing! I was hoping for that OLD feeling of Love to come back because it was the only way I knew. You see, that’s what I thought Love was. A sort of “missing.” A desperation. A feeling of “void.” Wait, THAT’S NOT LOVE. That’s the opposite. It’s a type of sadness that exists only in the movies! *oh the drama*

We all want to be better, do better, become improved versions of ourselves. But how are we supposed to when we don’t realize that we keep sadness around too long? Because of this, I wasn’t letting the new parts of me flourish and grow because I was trying RECAPTURE what was already gone and that is not how life is supposed to be. NOTHING is permanent, and everything changes and grows. So does our energy, spirit, and Love. I must Love in new ways because of how much Self-Love I am now learning to have for myself. Just that ITSELF will bring new Love, beautiful experiences, and opportunity into my life. I’m blessed that the evidence is already showing itself professionally and creatively! 😉 I need to FULLY embody this new energy that I am and continue to APPLY new knowledge and not just read about it or think about it. Doesn’t that make sense? THAT will bring to me SO MUCH LOVE instead of sadness into all areas of my life!

Here are a few quotes/mantras that I use that could help to release your old patterns:

“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is EXACTLY what you will EXPERIENCE in your life!..” — Tony Robbins

“Be the change that you want to see…” – Mahatma Gandhi

“I know for sure that what you dwell on is who we become…” – Oprah Winfrey

If we are new students of personal growth, isn’t it up to us to be the example and turn up our volume in our lives and be the change we want to see? We need to become the change that we have been working on so hard for the expansions of our lives. Once we actually apply our teachings, it’s like a breakthrough happens! WOW! What a concept, and one that I want to keep sharing with all of you. Why wouldn’t we become all this change that we have been working so hard at? When we become the better and improved versions of ourselves, it will help us to release the old parts of us AND the old parts of our lives that caused us pain, hurt, and sadness. So that we can experience the abundance we have been wishing for and working so hard at. I don’t know about you, but I would love to be the example. I want to be a role model and supporter for those who are experiencing the same thing I was, so that everyone I come in contact with like my students and mentoring clients are inspired to learn to have fulfillment, too… But most of all I want to release these old patterns of sadness, as they do NOTHING but keep me away from the true happiness that I am meant to experience and share. But I have GOT to keep embracing my change, embrace the teachings, and knowledge that I learned!

As we all do, we get to create NEW patterns. We’ll have new “go to” behaviors and emotions that help us grow, work toward, and look forward to the abundance and opportunity we are now worthy of having. From here, I get to teach others that they can let go, too, and prove it doesn’t have to hurt for too long because there is SO MUCH waiting for us, just on the other side of the anchors that once held us down!

The lesson here is that we have got to reach even further at every turn. Continue to stretch for the opportunities. Consistently work at installing the knowledge into our hearts at every turn we get! We all have pain. We’ve heard this before. But it is up to us how long we stay in that pain. And it certainly doesn’t go away by going into large states of denial of our heartaches. That pain stays with us in our bodies and comes out as physical pain and behavioral patterns. It is up to YOU to apply what you have just been staring at (the new knowledge) and begin to interweave it into your life. Try something new! Keep reaching, because happiness doesn’t always get dropped into your lap. It will only appear once you drop the routines of victimization, desperation, and sadness that you once believed was Love, and all that you THOUGHT you deserved.

Let me point out, that the bottom line here is that there is difference between being nostalgic and sadness/pain. The first conjures up fond memories. The second can be detrimental depending upon how long YOU CHOOSE to hang on to the pain, and have it define your life. Let’s learn to know the difference by always wanting to grow from our experiences and not be damaged by them!

Today, how can you apply the new knowledge that has been entertaining you? Do you know the difference between nostalgia and hanging on to sadness? How can you BE the change today that you want to see? What will you focus and dwell on to greatly become and release what once was? Make a comment below and let’s discuss!

With great Love and new patterns,



Andrew “Drew” Parales is a Vocational Rehab Educator for students with disabilities in transition & employment, a school site program & events coordinator/trainer. He is also the Creator and Personal Growth Mentor of “i LOVE Liberation” Connect with Drew at:


Facebook: ILOVEliberation

Twitter: @iLOVEliberation

  • SB

    This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you.

    • AH, Im SO happy this helped SB! I love great timing too! =)


  • Pamela

    Thank you for writting this post. Recently I disclosed to a friend my beliefs in spirituality. The next day she left a message on my phone letting me know she will not be meeting me for lunch and doing bike rides with me anymore. She continued to say she wished me luck on everything but we are in different paths at this time in our lifes. The first feeling I wanted to grasp was sadness and wanted to start questioning who am I? what did I say? After 48 hours of this I let go because I realised as you said patterns, old way of loving a friend or how a friend is supose to love you. I do have fond memories of my friend and her message was loving and kind. She did not attack she simply had the courage to let me know we are different and in different paths today. What a gift to have a friend have the courage to say thank you for everything but now I must go. Now I need to step up and let her go with Love and light and say thank you for all the wonderful memories and allow her and myself to continue in our journey that we choose to create. In staying honest with myself I do have a part of me that wants to know and get down to the nitty gritty. This part of me I am healing and letting go by meditating and lovng myself and not allow judgment of myself come into play. In the end people are suppose to come and go in your life because that is part of this journey 🙂

    • Hayat

      Pamela you’re a very insightful person!

    • Faauuga Moliga-Puletas

      Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. I definitely congratulate you on your will to tell your friend about your spirituality. It seems as if the universe is on your side now and clearing paths you may not expect =) Happened to me a few times and I JUST learned to accept it. Now im in a better space! Feels good. Blessed!

      • Couldnt agree more! 😉 Thank you for lifting Pamela up Faauuga!


    • Hi Pamela!
      You have taken yourself in a new direction, deciding to fill your spirit instead of the hurt that one feels when something like this happens. Your choice to see the situation with your dear friend as Love instead of beating yourself up is a MASSIVE shift in ones spirit!! I am so happy you have chosen healing over judgment! GOOD FOR YOU!! I am so proud of you. Even though you now walk a different path than that of your friend, you recognize that BOTH of your journeys are valid and true. Im proud that you obviously chose to lift yourself up, as well as your friend, in spite of the both of you not being aligned at this time… Way to go, KEEP IT UP!

      Lots of Love

  • esh

    When we become the better and improved versions of ourselves, it will help us to release the old parts of us AND the old parts of our lives that caused us pain, hurt, and sadness. So that we can experience the abundance we have been wishing for and working so hard at.

    I love this quote!! thanks for writing this!! made me feel more positive, after a day of moping yesterday hahaha.

    • Hey Esh! You are so welcome… That is the what I love about writing and sharing wisdom with all of you, that is resonates and makes a positive shift in you day and thoughts. So happy this brought ya out of the moping! 😉

      All my Love,

  • Hayat

    I’ve been holding on to sadness, pain, anger and victimization for the past 18 years. My daughter was unwrongfully and abruptly taken away from me by my mother after I remarried because she couldn’t control my life any longer. I have lived and breathed pain for far too long. My daughter, 5 years old when she was taken, is a 23 year old college graduate today. I have so much hurt and anger at my mother that it is palpable, even though I’ve tried to have a ‘basic’ relationship with her. Today your words really awakened in me that I can chose a different pathway. I’ve been stuck in 1995 and today I have finally seen that I can move forward in my life and leave the pain. I’ve definitely been in it for far too long. It’s become a broken record, the ‘story’ that I’ve carried for all of these years. While others were going on with their lives, I kept telling my ‘story.’ When you said, “Nothing is permanent, and everything changes and grows” and “…it is up to us how long we stay in that pain” it was like a light bulb went off for me. My heart shifted and for the first time I now realize that I can chose to let the pain, hurt, anger and victimization go so that I can open up my heart for love to enter. I cannot thank you enough for writing these insightful words. God bless you.

    • Hello Hayat!
      Your story brought welling up in my eyes and also made my heart sing this morning… What you went through, having your child taken away is probably the HARDEST a mother will ever go through. That kind of pain and lingering hurt is devastating. It makes my spirit soar to know that today was a big shift for you and are starting to overcome such a huge loss, yet– you now see that what has been keeping you stuck and the story you keep telling yourself about what Love is… Given what you went through, its takes SO MUCH strength and courage to realize what you did today. Though you cannot erase the loss and how it affected you, you can choose how long to stay in that pain. 23 years is a very long time, but you have now changed up the game and chosen strength and Love over the pain. HUGE HUGE step. Please keep it up, we are all in your corner Love. Stay in your heart, cultivate you new pattern.. Stay in touch…

      With ALL my Love,

  • Faauuga Moliga-Puletas

    Good advice and words of wisdom! Faafetai!

    • Thank you SO much Faauuga! I love celebrations in all languages! xo

  • Angie Pulido

    Sadness is all I know. I feel that because im sad most of the time, im going to attract sadness anyways. Because that is what is happening. I love what u say but I don’t feel its for me. I wouldn’t know where to start.

    • Hello Dear Angie,
      I’m sorry to hear that you are in this current state… I feel for you…What has happened in your experience to have you take on so much sadness? Is there one specific event? I can see that some of what holds you down is the story you tell yourself, that you are going to attract it anyway/its all you know/its not for you… Eliminate that story soon as you can my dear… That is holding you back and the more you tell yourself that line, the more you believe it. As I said happiness doesn’t just drop in our laps all the time.

      You can start by loving yourself a little more Angie,… reach out to those who are or will be your support system. Let them love you til you can love yourself more. Start re-wiring the thoughts in your head and be consistent! It takes a strong belief in ones self to turn things around. Only you can do that for yourself, esp if you want it bad enough. You can do this! Let me know how you do.. Its just a start! And starting is success!

      With Love and Warmth,

  • Denise Raynel

    Thank you so much for your beautiful sincere words of wisdom, they really touched something in my heart today when I really needed it. You are such a kind caring person to help so many people…thank you! Love & Light to you! 🙂

    • Thank you Denise! You kind and sweet words are so touching to me.. I love to help where I can, and Im glad that this article touched you today.. Love and Light right back to you!
      All my Love,

  • Kara Ann

    Seeing a love in a new light is very hard when you personally don’t have the evidence yet. I think the love we know deep down in our hearts and deep down in love’s teachings can just seem too IN-Credible to be real sometimes when we’ve had traumatic, personal experiences… But a teacher I listen to regularly said it really well recently – “To make the incredible, CREDIBLE, you must practice…” We talk all the time about how incredible true love is and when we’ve taken the time for self-love and care, we have these small aha moments; these small tastes can serve us as our evidence – new reminders – when our bucket perhaps, isn’t as full, that “yes, this WAS this AND now, yes, this IS this too”. Without going into story, this has been a very hard re-NEW evidence building journey for me personally so far and the biggest thing I’ve learned is that Old evidence will always be available, no? So I finally came to a place of, if that is so, I can only try practicing ‘this new love’ and see if it creates new evidence… I really have had some aha’s and I know it’s up to me to keep practicing and to also stick with others that are telling and showing the same new evidence, as this blog and others have become a kind of BIO-Feedback for me :).

    BTW, your post really reminded me for some reason of this song; it really just spoke so much to what you said I think!! Thank you!!

    “A Change Is Gonna Come”

    I was born by the river in a little tent
    And just like that river I’ve been running ever since
    It’s been a long time coming
    But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will

    It’s been too hard living, but I’m afraid to die
    Cos I don’t know what’s out there beyond the sky
    It’s been a long, a long time coming
    But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will

    I go to the movie
    And I go down town
    somebody keep telling me don’t hang around
    Its been along time coming
    But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will

    Then I go to my brother
    And I say brother help me please
    But he winds up knockin’ me
    Back down on my knees

    There were times when I thought I couldn’t last for long
    But now I think I’m able to carry on
    It’s been a long, a long time coming
    But I know a change gone come, oh yes it will

    • Hello Kara! You’re welcome! I admire your insight and all the work you are doing to fill your spirit! Your teacher has some amazing wisdom, and Im happy that this compliments what you are already learning… Love these lyrics, Im going to have to look this song up now! =)

      Keep learning and staying open! Love,

  • Jaycee

    The past just caught up with me today as it often does every now and then. Got miserable and all teary. Then I read your article, just what I needed to hear for a shift in my spirit. Thank you Drew. God bless for the work you do

    • Youre so welcome Jaycee… God bless YOU for sharing and being open to knowledge that will help you make that shift in your loving spirit! Im glad this came in right at the time you needed it.. =)

      With Love, Drew