There was a time when we trusted everyone. There was a time when we believed that everything would work out in our favor. This was way back when no one had broken a promise to us. No one had yet been dishonest (at least to our knowledge) and nobody had done something behind our backs out of spite. We were little tikes at this time and we didn’t understand the concept of people’s inability to follow through on their promises.
At some point we had our first experience of being let down by someone we trusted with our lives. It was heartbreaking and our reptilian brain told us to protect ourselves. Survival is the number one job of our reptilian brain and in order to cope with outside threats, we learn behaviors like anger, fear, and revenge. These animalistic traits are not reflective of our authentic selves, and they only surface when there is a lack of LOVE. When love is fully present, those feelings cannot exist.
At times when promises are broken to us, we feel unlovable. We feel unworthy. We feel disrespected. We feel mad as HELL. Then we get angry for not “knowing better” or we say, “I can’t believe this is happening.” The real (and honest-to-goodness) truth is that we’re actually angry at ourselves; not because we trusted that person, but because we didn’t trust our OWN intuitions.
Promises are like contracts. Some are spoken, like “I promise to meet you at 5pm,” and some are written, like “we are equal partners, 50/50, in all of our work together during this partnership,” while others are unspoken. An unspoken agreement is like the one we have with all of the other drivers on the road: stay in your lane and alert me if you change your mind.
When someone is an hour late in meeting us, it’s kind of annoying. The first time it happens, we will hear that person’s story about the thing that was, beneath it all, more important than being on time. The second time it happens, we get REALLY annoyed by this flaky person. And when it happens a third time, we almost can’t believe that a person would be THAT inconsiderate of our time. Over and over and over again.
When a business partner goes behind your back and trademarks a product in only HER name that was actually YOUR concept, you’d clearly feel taken advantage of. I know from personal experience, as this JUST happened last week. Yes, really.
I said we’d be 50/50 partners on developing a product, even though it was my idea, because she’d help me with the design. Every time we’d talk about starting an apparel line together, I’d get butterflies in my stomach. I told myself it was just a sign of excitement or big changes on the horizon, but I now realize that my gut was telling me to RUNNNNN the other way.
In the past I’ve watched her be unfaithful, dishonest, flaky, and angry with other people. I’ve seen her take advantage of and be reckless with, other people’s generosity.
While I was never in alignment with her behavior, I never wanted to treat her with judgment. I always held the space for her to be in her greatness and gave her unconditional love.
When I finally called her out on her BS, and nonstop broken promises – she got defensive, blocked me on Facebook, and trademarked the name of a product concept that I asked her to help me create – behind my back.
Trademarking our product only in her name, without discussing it with me first, was clearly not a part of the deal. I don’t think I’ve ever been more irritated in my entire life.
Feelings of rage, disgust, hatred, and revenge all surfaced right away. My reptilian brain was in “code red” mode. It wasn’t until I looked at where these feelings were REALLY coming from that I began to LET GO of my OWN suffering.
I got to see that, really, I was just angry that I didn’t listen to my own gut that was telling me that I couldn’t count on said person. Instead of feeling victimized, I took ownership of my choice to ignore the red flags and I got my power back. I decided to LET GO and MOVE ON.
I forgave myself and even her, but I will clearly never forget what she did. I won’t stop trusting people. Instead I will start trusting myself, because my intuitions are always right. If I had trusted myself from the beginning, this never would’ve happened.
Can you think of a time when you ignored your intuition? How did that turn out for you? Tell me about it in the comments section below!
Love all that is you,
Jenna Phillips is a Total Wellness Philosopher, Certified Holistic Lifestyle Coach, AFAA Certified Personal Trainer & the founder of her lifestyle brand I’m On A Mission. Follow her on Twitter and be inspired.