As a soul sister to many, I often find myself being called upon for a variety of supporting reasons. Today, I got a phone call from a fellow goddess and she was in absolute disarray. She was, well, a hot mess.
Her boyfriend was calling it quits and he was on his way out of her life. She managed to utter the following words in between her quivering sobs: “I don’t want to let him go… I can’t believe he’s leaving! He’s my whole life, and I had the rest of my life planned around being with him. I’ve done everything I can to be the best girlfriend I can be!”
My heart went out to her because I’ve been in her exact situation – more than a couple times – so I recognized that she was lacking something VITAL. And that was her own identity and self-worth. She had let go of her own persona to match up with his so she could spend more time with him and create common interests.
When we do this, we lose sight of ourselves and the innate value of being a unique individual. Goodbye, Self-Worth. Hello, Identity Crisis.
She went on to say, “I have this deep pain in my heart. It’s physical. It’s intense. It’s unbearable!”
After letting her SPILL her guts on the phone, I asked her if it was okay for me to comment, because sometimes us girls just wanna let it all out to anyone who is willing to. just. listen. She was open to receiving my intentionally unbiased feedback (I’m not one to sugar coat).
I said, “Of course it hurts. And you get to feel everything that comes up for you. There’s no right or wrong way to emote. The reason why it hurts as badly as it does, is because you ALMOST literally attached your physical being to his. You were so attached that it feels like your heart is being PULLED from your chest as he walks away. You get to let him go so he can have the opportunity to miss you. You’ve spent so much time chasing him and not allowing him to exert ANY effort. He has never had to!”
She acknowledged, “I told him I wanted to get married and he said he wasn’t ready – even though he loves me very much…”
I had a moment of déjà vu. I’ve felt, said or heard those words before. A Facebook status update had been circling in my head all day, prior to our call, and the divine opportunity to share it was in that exact moment.
No matter how amazing you are, you will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready. And that has NOTHING to do with you.
It eased her pain for a moment and she got to sit with the fact that she IS amazing, perfect, dedicated, loving, beautiful, and a GODDESS. I spent time with her on this because I used to go after UNAVAILABLE men ALL. THE. TIME. I did it because I had something to prove to myself and everyone else around me. I figured that getting the unattainable man meant this: “I AM AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN!”
After multiple failed relationships, I finally figured out the common denominator: ME. And that’s not to say that there is anything wrong with any of us who do, or have done, this – but my motives, priorities, and end results were ALL backwards.
It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I went after guys who were in no way ready to be committed to me, but I locked ’em down for at least a short while (up to a year or so) and, in doing this, I’d lose some of my own identity. I felt good about myself in the short-term but always felt horrible in the end. And so continued the self beat up and the cycle to the next relationship.
I finally had a HUGE wake-up call, and realized THIS:
When you know your worth, you won’t settle for anything that isn’t in alignment with your heart’s innermost desires. Standing FIRM for what you believe in will allow what you’ve always wanted to flow to you. (Tweet-worthy!) KNOWING that you are irreplaceable, invaluable, unparalleled, and a COMPLETE package on your OWN will illuminate your brightest light and NO ONE worthwhile can resist a bright, shining and magnetic GODDESS (or MAN).
This AHA! moment set me free and I began a brand new relationship with myself. I became committed to loving all that I AM. What are you letting go of today that is no longer serving you? I wanna hear all about it in the comments section below. I love hearing from my readers!
Love all that is you,
Jenna Phillips is a Total Wellness Philosopher, Certified Holistic Lifestyle Coach, AFAA Certified Personal Trainer & the founder of her lifestyle brand I’m On A Mission. Follow her on Twitter and visit I’m On A Mission and be inspired.