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I read your today’s blog and felt very inspired so I wrote this, it made me reinforce once more the standards I am up to and why I want to keep improving each day as a person.

Regards,

A TDL Reader

Why raising your standards makes you a better person?

I remember being only a teenage when I had all these questions in my mind. What am I supposed to do? Am I living a good life? Should I fight for my dreams? Should I do my best? Is it Ok to enjoy my life and try to be happy? Do I even deserve happiness? A tough couple of questions for someone who’s just going through high school, but yet, a remembrance that I was alive and was curious about what life could be.

That was the beginning of the journey in my life trying to find true meaning in what my mission was here. I know that most kids at that age only think about going to party’s or the movies, but for me it was more than that, I wanted to discover for what purpose I was placed here. And after years of troublesome mind riddles I found the answer: I was here to be happy and to fight for my dreams.

The next question was how do I accomplish that? And then a block of several years passed in which I just woke up, ate, went to school, and slept. Nothing more; it was like being a robot with human flesh. In that time I did not have any standards.

Until I was 21 years old, I decided I did not want to be part of a toxic relationship with myself, the one who would not put off with the things she wouldn’t be part of or the one who did not speak for her beliefs, I was not going to keep being part of something that suppressed me and didn’t let my wings spread and fly. For so many years I felt oppressed and at some point suffocated. I thought I was fighting for what I believed but I truly wasn’t.

This was a second eye opening and at this point of my journey I had to make decisions that I found very difficult for me at that time. I pushed myself away from people who were close to me but that were not pleased with “this new me” as they said. But the truth was that I was fed up with the life I had in the past and that pushed myself to make me say “I don’t want this anymore, and if these relationships are hurting me and keeping me to aim higher I must let go of them”. And so I did.

After this, I raised my standards a bit more and changed my degree at college because I was not happy with my major and started again, with the right foot; although I had all these insecurities around me, I did have people who loved me and supported me all around. And step by step I started reconstructing my path to a better life. I had all these goals I wanted to accomplish but did not know how, so I kept studying. And accomplished my first goal last year, I graduated from college while working already in the finance field at a big company.

Then I rediscovered my other passion: writing and expressing my feelings thru words. That allowed me open up to a new experience, helped my ideas flow in a way that never had, and made me understand that if I want to succeed I have to aim higher.  My next goal is not an easy one, is something I have struggled with since I was young, my weight, but I know that if I want a better life I need to “raise my standards and leave out my comfort zone”. I am sure I will be conquering this battle and also I have my family that supports me, but most important I have my own support, I love myself so much that I want to accomplish everything I set for me, because I was born to be happy and enjoy my life.

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This was shared with the author’s permission. We take your privacy seriously and would never publish something without your consent. Share what you’re going through by sending Mastin an email:WhatImGoingThru@TheDailyLove.com.

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“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

– Albert Einstein

It has often been said that just before our greatest successes in life, we will face our biggest failures. It has also been said that our most significant breakthroughs will commonly be preceded by major breakdowns and that when one door closes, another opens. There is an endless list of elegant quotes and sayings that capture the simple idea that when life gets tough, there may be more to it than initially meets the eye, but that doesn’t change our reality when times of struggle hit. Unless you’ve experienced it for yourself, the most beautifully articulated words will be of no use to you.

That’s what happened to me and now I know what Albert Einstein and all the others were talking about. When I was in third-year university I picked up a guitar for the first time along with a few friends to learn some of our favourite songs and play music around the campfire. In a short time, it became obvious to me that I wasn’t getting the hang of it as quickly as my friends and before long, I discovered the cause…I was losing my hearing.

Here I was a young man in my social prime, without a care in the world and out of nowhere, this disaster strikes. I soon found out that the hearing loss was due to a hereditary condition that in my case, set in early and rapidly.  In a matter of a few months, my hearing significantly and steadily declined making it more and more challenging for me to hear my professors in class, to hear people clearly and easily, and to hear the music. I was initially told that the surgery to correct the condition involved a 10% chance of complete loss of hearing in the ear operated on and that my best option was to wear a hearing aid until my hearing worsened further, which was inevitable. This was without a doubt, the single most difficult experience and time of my entire life. I was lost, I felt completely alone and I was terrified. I began to think about what life would be like without sound, I became very alienated in social situations and I had all but given up on the hope of ever playing music.

So what happened next?

A miracle. Yup, that’s the only way I can describe it. I did some more searching and through a family friend, I found a doctor who did a lot of the surgeries. He was cool, confident and he encouraged me to go ahead with the procedure.

Fast forward one year: I’d just had surgery on my second ear. The first procedure happened a few months prior and as the healing process unfolded, my hearing began climbing back up to normal. I can still perfectly remember leaving the surgeon’s office after my post-op appointment and getting into my car. I sat there for a moment and thanked The Uni-verse for everything that had happened. Bursting at the seams with anticipation, I finally reached for the radio and sat in awe, tears rolling down my cheeks as the music made its way to my eardrums, my heart and my soul for the first time since the beginning of this difficult ordeal. I was beyond elated, full of gratitude and humbled by the experience.

In the months that followed, I lived in wonderment enjoying the miracle of hearing the way a newborn baby explores its five senses.  Most of all, I played music tirelessly. I stayed up til all hours of the night learning to sing and play my first songs. Before long, my family members began leaving the door open when I played music and would soon come to remark in amazement: “You sound good!”

Fueled by the gift of a second chance, the fire of passion for music had been lit inside me and has continued to burn strong to this day. So much so that a few years ago, I left behind a promising career in law to follow my dream of a career in music but that’s a story for another blog.

The moral of this story is that my discovery of my true calling in life came in the form of the greatest crisis I have ever faced. I truly believe that if it hadn’t happened that way, that if playing music had come too easily, I might have gotten bored or restless and moved on and missed out.  So in my case, though it wasn’t immediately apparent, the disaster was actually a blessing in disguise.

Sometimes, the positive is easier to see like the possibility of a new job or relationship when our current one comes to an end.  Regardless of the situation, there is always, at the very least, a chance to grow and build character in the way that we respond to the challenge at hand.  Whether it’s obvious or not, opportunity often does present itself in the guise of difficulty and it’s our job to remain open, to have faith and to rise to the occasion.

So no matter how bad the storm overhead and regardless of what it is that you’re dealing with, stay calm, take a closer look and you’ll see for yourself, there is a silver lining.

Much love,

Chris

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Chris Assaad is a rad singer/songwriter and a TDL reader. Check out his website here.

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For the first time on my spiritual journey, I recently found myself blatantly not doing what I knew to be the “right” thing, and making a specific choice to not be fully self-honoring. Not because I was unconsciously sabotaging myself, but because I just wasn’t ready to get the lesson. I “knew” what my higher Self was telling me, but I didn’t want to listen. And even though I have so much support in my life, and am truly living in the world of spiritual evolution and personal growth, I am also human; sometimes lessons take some time to truly get! Sometimes we just need to go through something to finally have that “aha” moment, and that is ok. And thus I’m sharing my “aha” with you, so that maybe you will be inspired by it.

My story starts with something along the lines of a “friends with benefits” situation. I had this amazing chemistry with someone, and I chose to allow physical things to happen without a courting phase or even really a solid friendship being built. I then stopped the situation because I had a moment of clarity- I knew that I would like a relationship, and it didn’t feel like it was the best way to get that (duh).  However, that stance didn’t last very long; soon I was back into thinking that maybe we could have a fun little fling and that that would be fine. I truly believed that this was in alignment with me and that it was what I wanted at the time- I now wasn’t actually sure I wanted a relationship with this specific man, and maybe not even one in general, so why not just enjoy myself? We had a connection and we liked each other’s company, so as long as I was ok with it not being the start of a real relationship, I decided it was a great idea.

I really believed that, and was actually totally ok with it for a bit. We had some great times together, and I was being honest and authentic and having fun. I wasn’t able to make a different choice, even if I “knew” on a higher level that this wasn’t the most self-honoring situation in the long run, because I was acting out of the level of consciousness that I was. And then I had the epiphany that may seem obvious to you (but I didn’t see it at the time!) that I was continuing this situation mostly because I just didn’t see that I could get anything better. I was settling and believing that it was truly ok with me, because I didn’t see that I was worth so much more; I didn’t see what I can truly have in my life. I said I didn’t want a relationship, but really what I meant was, “I don’t think I am worthy of a great relationship, or able to get one, or even really know what that looks like. So, I’m happy with what I’ve got; I’m totally happy with settling for ‘scraps’.”

Well, now that I’ve had the “aha,” I’m not ok with settling. I am still working on truly knowing my worth in this area of my life, but now that I can see the (mis) belief that had me feeling ok with the previous situation, I can’t go back to it. The truth is, I am worth so much more and I don’t need to settle because of a misunderstanding that that’s the best I can get. I had to have the experience I had, which in a weird way actually showed me what a relationship can be if I believe (know) that I am worth it and if I can allow myself to be open to the idea of being happier than I have, up til now, thought was possible. But now the limiting belief is out in the open and I can’t consciously continue down that road.

I’m not judging myself for having taken a little bit of a longer route to get to this lesson, as sometimes we just need to experience things for ourselves in order for it to really make sense and sink into our being. So if you find yourself in a situation where you “know” you could be making a more self-honoring choice but aren’t, forgive yourself. It’s ok; we’re all human and on our own timeline. And/or if you find that there is an area of your life where you are settling, whether it’s in relationship, or your career, with your finances, or something else, ask yourself why you are settling; ask what is the misunderstanding that is keeping you not reaching for the highest level of experience. Really be honest with yourself about what is holding you back from having something truly great in your life, and when the reason comes to you, take it in and work with it. This is where real healing and growth comes from- having the awareness and using it to change your situation. You don’t need to settle in any area of your life! So if you are, take an honest look at it and learn from it. You deserve to have all of your heartfelt dreams come true. No more scraps.

Love

Erinn

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Erinn Selkis is a health and wellness counselor who compassionately supports her clients to improve all aspects of their lives through nutrition and personal growth. Check out her coaching website at http://www.erinnselkis.com.

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When our strengths are overused, they can become our biggest weaknesses. And, when our weaknesses are shamefully hidden, they are not given the chance to show the strengths we have yet to discover.

Strengths:

I truly believe strengths—possessed by one person, a family, community, company or nation as a whole—can be overused. And as a result, they then become our greatest weaknesses.

Let’s focus on our individual strengths. We all have them. Don’t be shy. Think about them. Write them down.

If I think of the strengths I have learned to develop or have been gifted with, I would say I possess the following:

I was born with willpower and self-assuredness. Ever since I can remember, I never questioned the choices I made in social circumstances, I never doubted my feelings and regardless of the possible outcomes, I never questioned speaking my mind. For instance, when I was in fourth grade, there was a kid named Jeremy in my homeroom who was designated as the geek to be picked on.  Jeremy was in the midst of being bullied by two other boys, Don and Brad, when I walked into the room. Let me note that the bullying was thankfully not the type of bullying that has been occurring in today’s classrooms. But it certainly was not a situation where these boys looked like they were having a nice chat. It was evident that Don and Brad decided to gang up against Jeremy for some reason and Jeremy didn’t know how to stick up for himself.

Disturbed by what I had seen, I walked my little 4’8” body right over to Don and Brad and said, “Don’t be so obnoxious. Leave him alone!”

All the other students in the room looked at me askance. Don and Brad stopped and walked away from Jeremy. And Jeremy seemed relieved.

For the remainder of the year, no one bullied Jeremy.

I have utilized my willpower and self-assuredness to achieve many more goals over the past 15 years. On several occasions, though, my willpower and self-assuredness morphed into pure stupid stubbornness, and I’d find myself frustrated, defeated—embarrassed. Even to this day, I need to check in with myself and determine whether my willpower and self-assuredness are working for or against me. It is forever a learning process.

In my practice, I have asked clients to think of their strengths and write them down. If the client were willing to share what she has written, we would then engage in a dialogue about how she discovered those strengths and how she has been able to capitalize on them.

Some clients claimed they discovered their strengths in school or at work through their excellent academic and job performances. Other clients discovered their strengths at home, tending to their children’s needs, organizing agendas for the family or keeping up with their daily mommy blogging schedules—on very little sleep.

I have often wondered if these uber moms were surreptitiously taking stimulants to keep up with such hectic lifestyles. But then again, I had to remind myself they were in my office because they too, realized they might have overused their strengths.

When my clients ponder how their strengths could be overused and potentially become hazardous to their physical and mental health, they begin to realize their weaknesses are in fact not “weaknesses,” but rather symptoms of over-used strengths. For example, one client named *Jane (*her name has been changed for privacy) had taken pride in her excellent work ethic, one that’s carried her through high school, college, law school and eventually at one of the top law firms in Los Angeles. One day, though, she came to my office after experiencing acute anxiety attacks and a decreased sense of pleasure in the activities she once enjoyed.

Jane had decided to come to therapy with the intention of resolving her “weaknesses” in just a few sessions. But after discovering that her commitment to excellence led her to drive herself that much harder—to the point where her body could no longer bear the physiological and psychological stress (hence the anxiety attacks and lessened sense of pleasure), she recognized the need for continued therapy.

How about our weaknesses?

We all have them. If we didn’t, we certainly would be the most devolved living creatures on earth.  So how do we see our weaknesses (whether they are mental or physical) and find ways to take advantage of them? How do we find a way to sincerely celebrate them rather than let our shame about them consume us?

One particular weakness of mine is (literally) physical: I have scoliosis (curvature of my spine) and it was the bane of my existence for many years.

I was diagnosed at the age of 13 at the school nurse’s office. All of the students were asked to bend over and touch their feet and have the nurse detect any curvature in the spine.

I recall walking into the office nonchalantly, bending down and naively thinking I was fine. I was thinking there was no way, no way I’d be like Deenie, the beautiful all-American character in Judy Blume’s book, Deenie. The fictional teen struggled with having to wear a back brace to cure her scoliosis and dealing with the emotional pain of having other students discover her “physical deformation.”

I remember the nurse instructed me to stand back up, and see my doctor immediately after school. She didn’t tell me why. Nor did I ask. Perhaps I didn’t want to know. But I did heed her instructions.

I recall meeting my mother at the pediatric clinic where Dr. Murphy had me bend over once again. He evaluated my spine, and confirmed what my nurse had detected: S-shaped scoliosis.

The following week I was sent to Children’s Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts where apparently, one of the best pediatric spine specialists, Dr. Hall reigned. I was told by Dr. Hall, (as the medical students stared at my 13-year-old adolescent back and poked my pelvis and ribs) that I had a 38-degree curve that would potentially worsen if I did not wear a brace. In other words, I had no choice but to be ensconced in an ill-fitting, claustrophobic girdle for 23 hours a day until I had stopped growing, which was estimated to happen when I turned 15.

For four torturous years, though, I wore the brace and I hated it. Every second of it. But in hindsight, being diagnosed with this skeletal disease made me all the more conscious of my body and gave me that much more purpose to keep myself strong and healthy. I knew that I didn’t want surgery and I knew I didn’t want to have two metal rods placed on either side of my spine.

Now, 29 years later, I am in great physical shape. Taking care of my body and paying that much more attention to my back has kept me from having surgery. Yes, I still have a 38-degree curve and yes, I experience moments of discomfort. But I have run three marathons, competed in six triathlons and rock climbed on the greatest peaks. I also recently committed myself to surfing and of course to yoga. So scoliosis—my weakness—has ironically become my greatest strength.

Now it’s your turn. Take a moment to think about your strengths andyour weaknesses, and perhaps you will view them quite differently.

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Sarah Brokaw is a Los Angeles-based licensed therapist, certified coach, surfer, and the author of the best-selling Fortytude: Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life—through the 40s, 50s, and Beyond. Visit her blog at www.myfortytude.com and follow her on twitter @Sarah_Brokaw.

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“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

- Brian Tracy, is a best-selling self-help author.

“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.”

- James Allen, was a great British writer and philosopher.

“The greatest mistake in the world is to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to please someone else. Have the courage to be yourself, no matter what. If you ruffle someone’s feathers their reaction is not your business. All you can do is be who you are and who you are is one of a kind. But remember, the same thing goes for everyone else so chances are you’ll get your feathers ruffled, too. One word will solve all your problems, allow.”

- Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

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